Bored with life

[Larryasapiginmud]

I'm 49. I Work FT. Run a ship-shape house. 2 DC 16, DH.

I'm bored. I've got some fantastic holidays booked for next year to look forward to. But I'm still bored. Nothing is exciting anymore.

Aged 17 I hooked up with an older guy, much to my parents disgust. He got me into pubs/clubs, let me drive his car, took me to parties. It was the excitement. I went from school everyday and being serious to a whole different experience. I now have my own car and can go to any pub/ club I want. It's not that. It was the excitement I felt.

I'm not looking for a hobby or change of job or to do an adrenaline activity. I have lovely friends and DH to go out with but ... but I don't know.

I want excitement but I don't know what that looks like anymore And/or at my age.

Is your DH not ringing your bells?

Life does tend to get less exciting as we get older. You only need exciting if what you have does not make you content.
What exactly do you want?

@ChicBee I would never have an affair. I love DH to bits. I referred to the events when I was 17 as I specifically recall that stage of my life as exciting/adventurous. I don't want the guy I mentioned. I loved the way I felt at that time. I was invincible. I was on top of the world. I got loads of attention and loved it. I was slim, oh so slim. The summer was so long I remember as if it lasted the whole year. Pubs were a different vibe then. And they were always full in my town.

Me and dh go out. Dc are old enough to be left home alone in the eve. We are only ever a 10-15 cab ride home when we go out.

@Mischance I don't know what I'm looking for. I need help figuring it out.

Run a ship-shape house.

In fairness, that sounds objectively boring by anyone's standards -- is that really how how you see yourself, as a married woman with children, who works FT and 'runs a ship-shape house'? Isn't there anything at all you find interesting about yourself and your life?

Learn to fly a plane?

Its firsts, we start to run out of firsts as we age because we have done a lot of things. I realised this so have done a few firsts this year, renting a motohome springs to mind. It’s the same face doing this stuff with me and that’s fine.

Lots of life is unpacking the dishwasher and the mundane.Then there are the nicer things like buying something you want, drinking tea with a friend, going on holiday and then the big things like hatchlings, matchings and despatchings.

We were sorting through old photos today, never will I see toddler DS dance at a wedding and make everyone laugh, nor be that girl on honeymoon in Kenya again. But that’s ok. We both found some photos of ex partners, some went in the bin, some didn’t but we laughed together.

17 was THE time I felt like that. Add in No commitments and No responsibilities at that time too. We had no money when we first met as we brought a house so we didn't do a lot. Now I check the household budget every week to make sure we're on track,, make sure bills are paid, move debt around/re -forecast debt etc, make sure we have enough toilet rolls etc and that house is fully stocked for all our needs, care for elderly parents, endless school things to read/sort, always something school-related to buy, uniforms are sorted, tumble dryer is broken so need to sort, xnas to plan/sort/buy for. And then there is all the work that needs doing in the house. Largely cosmetic but still needs doing

.Married DH 10 years ago. It was the wedding we wanted and I loved it.

My 20s were half spent with a violet man and then later I met dh.

It's a difficult question OP, your definition of excitement, we all differ, is breaking the rules and attention.

So perhaps look at ways you can replicate that somehow?

OP, I’m not sure why people are being deliberately obtuse but I can relate. I read somewhere that this can be a symptom of middle age for both male and female - kind of a “what is the next phase in my life?”. Maybe try journaling what activities that you do now which light you up and/or give you some excitement.

My 20s were half spent with a violet man and then later I met dh.

I am a bit worried now that you equate trouble and rule breaking with feeling properly alive. Like your current life doesn't count as the happy existence it is because of that. And that would be a shame. You need a break from the routine and the programmed stuff.

What can you do that will feel reckless, spontaneous and impetuous without being too genuinely risky? And that you can do with DH? Is there anywhere you'd love to travel to? Take up an extreme sport or something? dogging 😀

Add in No commitments and No responsibilities at that time too.

This is the key here. You'll never be 17 and free again, and I'm not sure what it is you're looking for. Do you want to sell your house and travel the world when the kids move out? Have an affair? As you don't want a hobby or new job...

I'm not looking for a hobby or change of job or to do an adrenaline activity.

Umm, I'm at a loss then

I regularly say "my younger self would despair at me now"

We all think, of if only I could recreate my younger years when we danced on packed dancefloors as the sun came up or got on planes with some vague, it will be ok, plan when we got there. Squeezing every moment out of weekends and sumner evenings, almost every time you thought "i am going to have a quiet night in" it was anything but.

And now H loves nothing more than a reassessment of the pensions!

Can I recreate those heady days? Not a chance. I intend to live via the teens!

We are doing now what the 50 year olds were doing for us then.

So perhaps that is where you find your contentment watching your children grow, fledge, enjoying their youth, it's their world now.

There are many people for whom a steady home, H who loves you, two kids and holidays booked would be more than enough, even if they did have to fix a dishwasher and read school emails.

We are old skeletons but are useful to pay bills and give lifts!

Take up.poker? Go to a local casino once in a while the thrill of a gamble with H (only what you can afford to lose). That might work

I get what you mean op. I'm just a couple of years younger than you and often feel like you do. I think it's just missing the freedom and lack of responsibility of youth. when we were carefree, very fit, healthy, energetic and in our prime. the old saying youth is wasted on the young rings true as they do not realise how special that time of life is and that is gone and never to come back once the adult responsibilities of life come along, families, mortgage, work, caring for elderly parents etc life is hugely boring in comparison once we have all these responsibilities.

I think that's a fair point. I also think you can take a step back from the mind-numbing routine you describe, OP, especially if your kids are 16. Surely they can buy their own school stuff and sort their uniforms? Need bill paying take up so much of your time? What would you like to be doing instead? Personally, I tend to move country when I get bored, but you presumably aren't going to contemplate that with your children being that age. But they're not far from independence. Time to plan your next step?

I think a PP was on to something with firsts.

And I'll say you won't get excitement if you change nothing. No need for big dramas like another PP said (e.g. affairs!). No, something like mountain biking, skydiving, holidaying somewhere that isn't all neat and pretty, new people, get your H licence (okay, maybe it is only me who has been eyeing up tanks on Autotrader), train as a celebrant, climb six trees, volunteer as a Samaritan or food distributor or with veterans, drive a delivery of relief goods to refugees somewhere, take up woodworking. Idk. Just do something different and figure it out as you go.

Or, failing the above, get a haircut and browse some new spices at Sainsbury's.

You said you're not looking for a new hobby, but how about something that gets you out of your comfort zone. I don't know if you do something like acting or singing, but if not, you could try it

I don’t read this as some have said about you being bored with hubby and you wanting an affair. I look back at that time in my life and it’s the freedom I crave - not the man!
just before Covid we sold our house, quit jobs and went to Australia / New Zealand for a few months. I felt the same level of freedom again and it was a great reminder that most things in life are a choice. We have a choice to have a house and a mortgage. It’s our choice to go to work in an office etc.

That's funny, because that's exactly what I did at 35, feeling very bored and now I have a pilot's licence. Suddenly life is very exciting, if a little crazy.