My parents have no boundaries.

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

My parents called earlier asking to pop round with ‘my’ Christmas cards.

I don’t want Christmas cards. I told them this. However, they decided I should send Christmas cards. So they bought Christmas cards for me to send.

I said today wasn’t a good day. I’m feeling iffy, I’m in pyjamas and I may puke at any moment.

Not to worry; they’ll just drop them in and be off.

Okay.

Nope. They are in my house. The doorbell went while I was on the toilet and DS let them in.

It’s been thirty minutes and they’re still here.

This is NOT the agreed drop off. I TOLD them today wasn’t a good day.

They do this. This kind of thing. They think nothing of forcing themselves onto people. They somehow ALWAYS get their way.

I’m already hosting them for Christmas even though I don’t want to. Mid-November they dropped into conversation that they’d ’bought the chicken for Christmas for me’.

I could regale you with the stories from when they had a key and the time I changed the locks but I don’t have the energy.

Apparently the Christmas cards couldn’t wait because I’ll want to write them. To whom, I don’t know.

Anyway, I’m just having a moan. A Christmas whinge.

No hospitality. You’ll have had yer tea then as you hand them their coats.➡️Door that way. Get them gone
Cards in the bin and cuppa tea

Stick the cards in the bin and stop answering your door if they come around uninvited again. You need to set up boundaries. Hardly anyone sends cards now. It's about a £1 a stamp as well.

You have my sympathies! A month or so ago my mother came to my house when I was at work. Cleaned it top to bottom (unnecessarily because I have a wonderful cleaner), went through all the cupboards and threw out things she felt I didn't need (bedding, kids clothes, towels) and opened all my post.

She then got cross i wasn't grateful for her "help".

No tips but solidarity!!

Oooo, the post!

My parents LOVE other people’s post.

They won’t go so far as to open it but you can see it takes all of their personal restraint not to do so. If the post is there and open they’ll have a good old read.

When I lived at home they opened all of my post and went through my rubbish. Left at 17.

That sounds horrendous! My in-laws have boundaries. They just don’t know when to leave, which is annoying.

Stop letting them in (same for anyone else who lives in your house).
Start saying "no" and mean it.
Next Christmas, book yourself a trip away and don't invite them (or tell them where you're going).
They only "have no boundaries" because you allow them to get away with it.
In 2025, start to get tough!

You are feeling ' iffy ' go to bed. let your husband entertain them.

Ask them to leave. Tell them you asked them not to come and hand them the cards back.

Change the locks!

I am in bed.

DS entertained them.

They’ve gone now and he’s joined me in bed because they’ve drained his energy.

He only opened the door because he has a new bed being delivered and he thought it was the delivery man.

Respectfully, someone can only trample over your boundaries if you let them. Hand the cards back, tell them you're not sending cards but if they don't want to take them say you'll just pop them in the bin. Tell them "you may as well have that chicken soon because that's not what I'm cooking on Christmas."

Rinse and repeat.

I would have booked a holiday for Christmas, and I would have booked it on 26 December last year!

Why are you hosting when you don't want to?

Why are you serving chicken if that's not what you want to serve?

You don't need to do any of that.

The cards can go to the charity shop. As soon as possible so they don't sit there weighing you down.

To those posters saying ‘just don’t do it’ or ‘don’t host them’, that’s all very well if OP is happy to fall out with her parents. Not everyone wants to do this.

I’m nc but I feel you, my mother used to intercept the post. I left the weekend after she read a love letter from a boyfriend out at the dinner table.
Seriously, get firm, sooner rather than later.

What??? I hope you confiscated her key? I would be raging!

You definitely need a camera door bell! I would not be opening for them unless they had been invited. They could have posted the cards through the letterbox.

Sometimes it's good to have a fall out with people who don't respect boundaries. It's the only way to get them to back off a bit. And the reason why people walk all over you is because they can.

It really wouldn't be the end of the world if they flounced off for a while - at least that way OP could have the Christmas she'd like to have.

My parents (well, my mum) have no boundaries either.

I could tell you about the time she threw away DH’s work shirts because she decided that they weren’t in good enough condition for him to wear (not her call), another time she decided to move our chest of drawers to a different room and emptied them out and found some ‘personal items’, and they’re coming to stay this weekend and ‘haven’t decided yet’ when they’ll go home (ok, it will be either three nights or four, but it would still be good to know and, to be asked really).

I completely get it.

Good job I love them 😆

They may not have any boundaries but you can assert yours. Say no I'm not sending Christmas cards and I don't want them. Say I need you to go home now, I'm not feeling well. You're a full grown adult and a mother - you need to take responsibility for how you allow them to treat you! Time to put your big girl pants on and speak up.

It doesn't have to be a falling out. It can be said perfectly pleasantly. The alternative is to always aquiesce to their demands and grow increasingly resentful and angry.

Oh it will be a falling out -this type of parent doesn't like being told no.

Send them a message this evening saying something like this.

Dear dm and df. Today really got me thinking about how you don't treat me like an adult. I told you I wasn't doing Xmas cards and that I felt ill and you came over with them anyway. You never seem to ask me what I want either just tell me what you want. I'm feeling a bit fed up with it all to be honest. This year I just want Xmas with me and the kids so won't be hosting you, but yet again you didn't ask what we wanted, you just decided for us. I love you both very much but I need you to stop making choices for me.

Why are cards so important to these people? My mum is exactly the same.

She has previously bought birthday cards/Christmas cards/anniversary cards for my husband to give to me. Tells me it's my third cousin's once removed birthday soon so don't forget to send their card.

At the moment she is messaging me every day to ask if I've bought Christmas crackers and/or Christmas pyjamas for my children.

I am ignoring these messages because the implication behind them is that if I don't buy these things in time to meet her completely arbitrary deadline then she'll have to take over and sort it out.

Exhausting.