If you love having house guests at Christmas, what's the acceptable length of stay?

[Lochroy]

I'm currently feeling pressured for having set a two night limit. Previously guests (all close family) chose to stay for four nights from Christmas Eve. I didn't mind initially but it is a squeeze and makes things hard. DH and I end up with a rack of washing at the end of our bed and another in the shower when the spare room is occupied, for example. The living room has someone on a sofa bed which is open plan to the stairs and on the way to the kitchen so we feel restricted in mornings and evenings. It's just become too much but my attempts to find a new balance haven't gone down well.

If you love hosting and everyone has a happy, merry Christmas, how many nights are your guests staying?

"I understand if you feel 2 nights isn't enough, we'll pop and see you for a day one weekend instead to catch up. Let me know when suits"

2 nights is my maximum and I have plenty of room ! Last few years my DD is living with us again so down to 1 spare room which my DS and DIL will be using this year, the children come in with me, their parents (DS and DIL) sleep with the baby in the living room.

this year DD and her partner in her room, DS DIL in spare room all staying 2 nights. DS DIL and 3 children are in the air bb I’ve rented for the week. It’s lovely little cottage next door to us and just big enough for the family of 5 and the owner has said we can lift out the fence panel between the 2 back doors ! I can’t wait. The joy of having them, but next door for sleeping

Two weeks because they live too far away? Unless they're coming in from abroad, there is no such thing. I visit people in scotland (i'm down south) and only stay 3 nights max.. arrive friday, leave monday.

It depends on the situation. When it's 1-2 people contained to the guest room, I can cope for longer than when it's 3+ and they're spilling into other spaces. It ends up just too much wakeup, meal and bathroom coordination.
I think for a squeeze 2 nights is heaps. After that, you start to get resentful of being unable to function in your own space.

I get two full weeks off over xmas so I’m happy to have guests. Generally most people stay 2 nights, 3 at the most. Max 5 guests. Anyone who stays longer basically gets assimilated into the family and therefore expected to sort their own shit out and not be waited on!
This year will be slightly different as my sis will be with us for 7 nights but we’ve only got one other planned guest over that period and are actually away ourselves for one of the nights so she is doing us a favour and dog sitting.
If I was working any of the period, then it would be max 1 night with everyone ushered away after lunch on boxing day.

I’m talking about family who I don’t see much during the year. It’s a long way to come and it’s expensive , especially with small children.

Two nights is my limit. With the setup you describe, I'd be asking them to stay at a nearby hotel.

I like hosting, but two nights is plenty, and only then with a proper spare room. I wouldn't have anyone on a sofa bed in a living room for more than just crashing after a party, when they leave in the morning. Certainly not for a multiple night stay where they're making themselves at home. Too crowded.

Also two hours is really not that far. I'd do that for a day trip at a push (I like my own bed), but certainly doesn't need more than an overnight stay.

Two nights isn’t enough as it’s only one full day without travel. We find that three nights is the perfect sweet spot!

Some people like their fsmilies as much as they like their friends.

Two. Especially in that situation of you having to walk past people to get to the kitchen.

Honestly no nights, we have plenty of space but I just don't like people being under my feet and I hate running around after others when I have my own immediate family to run round after. I have all the family round on Xmas Day but they know they have to be gone by 7 so I can relax and put my own feet up. I think you're very good having them for 2 nights, especially under your circumstances.

Three to four nights.

I do love hosting family and we have a brilliant time together. Around 12 people staying from 3 different generations. They all live several hours away. I’m lucky I have a big house with a spare/guest room, another room with a sofa bed, a teen who give up his double bedroom for a couple of nights (because he wants the big family Christmas) and guest bathroom etc. And my family (and their families) are independent enough to look after themselves, take the dogs for a walk, pop out to the shop. Certainly not waiting hand and foot or cleaning up after them. I’m sure I’d feel differently if we had a small house and no place to put people up.

My idea of happiness at Christmas is a large rambunctious home with family of all generations running around, hanging out, spending quality time together. Like the opening scenes of home alone. I work full time all year and travel a lot so Christmas is definitely time I like to show my love to family by hosting. Although I do love December 27th for the “…and relax…” quiet after the party.

Used to be 6 nights with DF, DS, 4 of us plus 2 friends who'd stay 27th and 28th so everyone here for quite some time. It's got too much lately so I've cut the time down considerably as I've got older. We've got a weird set up, lots of unusual space downstairs but barely any bedroom space (very old cottage) so yes to family sleeping on sofas etc not ideal! Love them all dearly though so more than happy to host (not my DF, but he's tolerated as ancient). It's hard work but wouldn't have it any other way!

In the opening scenes of Home Alone they're all fighting and bitching about each other, because there are too many people in the house. That's the whole reason things go to shit and Kevin ends up in the attic. Nightmare. I'd take myself up to the attic just for some peace.

I can handle 2 nights max, any more and I want to yeet myself off the roof.

I don't enjoy hosting at all, but will do it for immediate family over Christmas.

Within my extended family we often stay with each other for about 5 nights at a time.

Most have space / spare room , we are all good at mucking in, clearing up, contributing and quite often bring our own duvets / duvet covers.

My siblings and I having been brought up in the same household means we have the same domestic habits and expectations.

None of us suffer the various anxieties and stresses I see described on MN on an hourly basis. We are respectful of each other but don’t feel territorial about people in our homes, or spend much time laying down ‘boundaries’. It’s what I would call a relaxed happy family.

But the whole sofa bed - blow up bed scenario is over and visits would need to be shorter if anyone is turfed out of their bed.

I'd love the big raucous house full, but my family aren't like that and neither is my house! I genuinely love to host friends when there is no pressure. Family seems to bring with it levels of expectation which I'm working to reset. The family member who is happy on the sofa is ND, doesn't have anywhere else to go, probably doesn't realise the social complexities of occupying the space and would likely be mortified if they were articulated.

I think I feel backed into a corner because we've been doing this since before we had DC. Obviously life then was relatively easy, we weren't chronically sleep deprived and we would happily use annual leave as we liked to do what we wanted. Now it's more precious and we simply never get a break, so adding more on top of the kids is hard work.

To be fair, I'm not taking days either side just to prep for and tidy up after guests, but having them certainly imposes deadlines.

I've just realised I've sighed out loud like an old girl, because I'm a bit stuck.

2 nights is too much 😂

We visit MIL but stay with BIL & SIL who live nearby. We stay for 2 nights, and they live a 4 1/2 drive away. That's more than enough time to impose on relatives. And they don't have the accommodation issues that you have.

Depends where in Scotland surely, there's a massive difference between taking the train from London to Edinburgh (easily doable for a weekend) vs having to take a couple of flights to Shetland. There are several countries in western Europe that are easier to get to from London than any of the Scottish islands are so it's not a straighforward abroad vs UK.

With MIL then she's elderly and even an easy trip is tiring for her so we make it worth her while and have her to stay for a longer visit. But as I said she's got her own space in our house and she's a good guest who likes to help so we are happy to have her. Other family members are less welcome!

In @Lochroy 's situation then I'd be encouraging the guests to share an airbnb or stay in a hotel.

I wouldn't want to go anywhere for Christmas that didn't involve staying three nights minimum. I don't like to travel on Christmas Day at all, and I love Boxing Day to relax and chill after the rush of the Christmas lead up. I don't want to spend it packing up and travelling. So we always stay Xmas Eve, Xmas Day and Boxing Day as a minimum.

Do you take turns to host?

I'm quite happy to host for 3 or 4 nights - but we have a big house, nobody is put out of a bedroom, guests have their own spare room and ensuite and we have plenty of living space. It makes things a lot easier.