If you love having house guests at Christmas, what's the acceptable length of stay?

[Lochroy]

I'm currently feeling pressured for having set a two night limit. Previously guests (all close family) chose to stay for four nights from Christmas Eve. I didn't mind initially but it is a squeeze and makes things hard. DH and I end up with a rack of washing at the end of our bed and another in the shower when the spare room is occupied, for example. The living room has someone on a sofa bed which is open plan to the stairs and on the way to the kitchen so we feel restricted in mornings and evenings. It's just become too much but my attempts to find a new balance haven't gone down well.

If you love hosting and everyone has a happy, merry Christmas, how many nights are your guests staying?

I've usually had enough after 2 nights of general guests (except for my children) as it's the constant offering of food and drinks that exhausts me. We're quite happy with a sandwich for lunch and toast/cereal for breakfast, but I always feel I need to do more for people staying.

Three days but as MIL trip is 250 miles each way and her birthday is 22 December it’s always a week.

Two nights is plenty even for family.

in your set up 2 definitely enough although I’d stretch to 3 if it was arrive after lunch Christmas Eve and leave after breakfast on 27th. I’m having ours for 4 nights but we have a utility for laundry and no one is on the sofa. I also cater entirely from Cook for the whole 4 days ( breakfast is help yourself) and operate a “my house is your house” approach to drinks and snacks or you just feel like you’ve had no break.

My parents will always stay at least 4 nights. It's a long drive. I don't like going to theirs for less than 3-4 nights.

Over Christmas we would expect people to stay for 3 nights minimum usually.

Three days would be enough for me. Unfortunately it ends up being two weeks as relatives live too far away to come for a shorter time. I can’t cope with it to be honest but don’t have any choice.

it depends on circumstances like how far away they've come from/how often you see them/how much effort it is for them to travel i.e. if they're very elderly or disabled.

If they're coming from two hours away then two nights is fine or maybe stretch to three if they're arriving late and leaving early.

Two nights is plenty! If I go to my brothers who is two hours away, we just drive there Xmas day and stay Xmas night, home boxing day!

We do open house 24th-27th. People come and go as their work dictates, so people working in hospitals pitch up when they can for whatever they can do, students with retail jobs generally manage one overnight, etc., etc..

Xmas eve all day party with a church service at 4pm ish, Off the shelf Xmas Day, Boxing Day walk across the moors to a pub, everyone leaves after brunch on the 27th.

It is nice as we don't see many of our family outside of this holiday, but it is a bit knackering.

Two nights is plenty, especially if someone is on a sofa bed taking up your living room, that’s the bit that would drive me crazy, it’s so claustrophobic when people are using your living spaces for sleeping in and meals you’re all revolving around when that person wants to go to sleep or be up (or not!).

I was going to say 3, but with your set up, 2 is generous!

If the people who I was staying with proposed 2 nights instead of 4, there is no way I'd put pressure on to stay longer! Who is it that's doing this?

You do. Don't martyr yourself. Your needs matter. Seriously.

This is the reason Travelodge and Airbnb was invented. A few nights at yours. The rest in close by accommodation.

@Lochroy

I think it's madness that you are using up annual leave to get ready for guests & then to tidy up after they are gone.

Who would use sofa bed for 4 nights knowing that it's your living space?

Do they contribute in any way by bringing drink, food or buying in a takeaway one night?

Stick to your guns - 2 nights is plenty & I'm surprised they are pushing to stay longer. Tell them work have said no to annual leave if you need an excuse & that you need office back in use at home.

3 nights is my limit when hosting.

That's what my mum is doing. She's coming to mine for Christmas. Arriving at some point on Christmas Eve, going home the day after Boxing Day.

There's a family party being hosted at hers on the night of the 21st, and I'll stay over that night, and go home the next day. Then she'll rock up at mine a couple of days later.

I love hosting and flatter myself I'm good at it and make people comfortable.

However

Anyone putting any pressure on me to do more than I offer gladly... well I'd suddenly find a trouble with the drains which meant we couldn't host after all.

I think you need to dig deep, remember you are doing the giving gets and they have no.right.at.all to ask even demand more. I'd really encourage you to do a reset and set done non negotiable boundaries. It will all work much better one you are clear.

@Lochroy does anyone like having overnight guests really or do they just feel obliged????

I have a rule that if more than three people want to come to stay at the same time or if they want to stay more than a few nights, they get a local Airbnb.

I was the guest for many years and we only ever stayed for two nights. We also brought food, helped prep and clear up and got stuck into cleaning before others arrived, as it’s a lot for one person to do. I also made sure that I /DH took DC out on both days to give other people some adult time , especially elderly relatives who could be overwhelmed by the noise, mess and demands of having a lot of people descending on them. Two days is generous so don’t feel guilty. People who like to invite themselves and receive the hospitality often need boundaries reinforcing, in my experience, especially if they’re not doing the clearing up or are happy to sleep on sofa beds (why?). They’ve clearly had a good few years of benefiting from your hospitality; now it’s time for you to have some downtime without a houseful to accommodate.

One night is my limit, but I’d rather no one stayed at all. There are plenty taxis or people can drive. I don’t want to host overnight just so guests can booze.

I think my PIL must quite like people staying (for short periods) as they were massively offended when I tried to book a hotel!

The years when DD used to get up at 5.30am (they get up at 8.30) were very trying indeed...

But I always cap the visit at 3 nights and make sure we clean and tidy and sort most of the food. They have guest rooms and a guest bathroom.

It's a 4-5 hour drive and they don't (won't) come to us any more due to various health conditions.

But if the layout was like the OP's we'd do hotel.

It's your house, if you only want two days - say so. I love having guests, I'd happily have them for weeks!

My mum (83) has to put up with me (55) for a fortnight when I arrive for my annual Christmas/New Year visit.

Depends on the guest and what your set up is. We have a large house with a spare room and en suite and a couple of sitting rooms so plenty of room. MIL is a lovely guest and she is coming for 2 weeks. We've had her for longer before, she's no bother. However I'm sick of some other people after 2 minutes because they are such bad guests.

2, or at least that's what i grew up with. They came xmas eve afternoon, left boxing day afternoon.

i wouldn't want anyone around longer than that unless its a personal/close friend.. family get 2 nights/3 days max xD