How do you keep the house functioning with a baby?

[Pushoffnosleep]

Please no sneering at me for being pathetic, I know I am. DS (4 months) is my second baby and my eldest is at school so I know I shouldn't be struggling like I am.

DS is hard-core velcro. You cannot put him down for any length of time - he goes bananas. Yes I have a carrier but he's very heavy now and I'm finding it really difficult to actually get anything done with him attached to me like I used to when he was smaller. In essence this means I get absolutely nothing done round the house because all I do is hold the baby - he might give me 10 minutes to shower or eat breakfast at top speed but no more. He's happy and chatty and smiley but turns into a demon if put down (and this is in any contraption - bouncy chair, play mat etc). He's a good napper but he only naps on me - doesn't really even nap in the carrier any more, just wants me to hold him in my arms in bed.

I have a great DH who is honestly doing about 90% of the household stuff alongside full time work (I do the meal planning, cooking with difficulty and most of the school runs but that's pretty much your lot) but I'm feeling terribly guilty and fed up of the house being a shit pit until he gets back from work, or having to be frazzled cooking lunch or dinner with the baby shouting at me constantly. The laundry is absolutely endless.

What are some practical things I can do - make tomorrow's dinner the night before?! We did have a cleaner but tbh it wasn't that helpful as had to run around tidying before she got here which I found stressful.

Please scroll by if you're going to be mean...my brain can't take it...

Sorry no practical tips but just some solidarity, my eldest was a velcro and oh my god it was impossible.

My advice take care of yourself. Cook extra dinners so you can have a proper lunch ( I lived on toast and coffee which really fucked with my mood). Don't beat your self up about the mess.

My velcro baby is now 4 and great at helping me with the house work so it does get easier

Lower your standards significantly

It doesn't last forever....

Things you can do from seat when baby is napping - meal plan, place food order or delivery, house admin?

I spend endless amounts of time on my phone at the moment for that exact reason!!

Hire a cleaner who is happy to tidy put in job description tidier and cleaner.
Daft to run around if you hiring help just ask them to pick up things before hoovering

I've no advice unfortunately because my eldest was a bit like that, honestly I didn't really do anything household related for the first 6 months. I'd maybe manage to run the hoover round downstairs and put a load of washing in the machine but that was it, would have to wait until DH was home to even hang the washing up. I remember the first evening meal I "cooked" was when DD was getting on for 6 months, it was only stuff out of the freezer and I managed to burn it because DD wanted a feed halfway through. Hopefully things will get easier for you soon!

Get a decent carrier, not a harness dangler, and wear the baby while you get on. I kept my clingy additional needs baby on my back or front for most of his first 18 months, there's very little you can't do.with a baby on you.

Get the cleaner back but don’t pre-tidy. It’s completely unnecessary. Just explain that they will have to clean around things, so you acknowledge they’ll get less done in the time. I’ve never pre-tidied ahead of cleaner visits,

No advice, just solidarity, OP. It winds me up no end when posters come on threads like these saying 'jUsT pUt ThEm In A sLiNg' like it's a cure all. It's not. Thankfully I never wasted money on a sling because my velcro baby didn't like being worn other than for long walks outside, so I had no hope of popping them in a sling to do housework.
I know it's hard but you've got to try to let go of the need to get it all done, as this phase will pass, but for now you can only do so much.

Is this a thing because we've had a few and none of them seem to do this - they won't even move ornaments to dust. We had the most fantastic cleaner a few years back but she retired and I've found it very difficult to get anyone else as good.

Yes! Why it is seen as a magic solution I have no idea! I can do basically nothing useful with him in the sling!

You cannot put him down for any length of time - he goes bananas

So let him cry. Don’t pander. It won’t kill him. Make sure he can see you and is safe and crack on. Earphones help.

I've got a decent carrier. I went to a sling library. Trust me the issue is not the carrier.

I do this sometimes out of necessity but I cannot stand the whinging - it affects my mental health badly

I had this. DS2 was attached to me for about 21 hours a day until about 6 months, even then it only eased a little.

I can't remember exactly when, maybe 5 months, but I started carrying him on my back instead of my front and it opened up a lot more I could do around the house. Before this there isn't really much you can do.

However I very much stuck with the idea that "He's only going to get heavier" and endured the immense weaight that he is. It was my only form of exercise and it did get easier when his growth slowed down a bit. I still carry him on my back for a couple of dog walks per week at 2.5yrs.

Exactly. I get irrationally wound up by the frequent sling-pushing on here 🤣

And I can't:

• unload or load the dishwasher with him on me
• shower with him on me
• eat with him on me as it all falls on his head or he gets fed up with me being sat still
• hoover with him on me
• cook with him on me (dangerous)
• unpack the shopping with him on me

All the above destroys my back. And no it isn't the carrier being a bad fit. I have a shit back.

I'm desperate to put him on my back but in the buckle carrier I have I don't think you can until 6 months.

You're not pathetic at all!

A few of ideas:

• Robot vacuum on a schedule, if you can afford one on each floor so dont have to take up
• For food the likes of gousto/ hello fresh where you can filter by 15 minute meals or batch cook a meal each day on a weekend when DH is home. Make 4 portions of each meal for the whole family and freeze it, meals may be repetitive at first but you'll eventually build up a decent supply and have enough variety then can just boil pasta/ rice etc in the week and defrost
• Hire the cleaner again but beforehand set a timer for 5 minutes and run around collecting mess in a big box/ basket. You may be able to cope with baby kicking off more if you know it's max 5 minutes and you'll work quicker too. The task will seem less overwhelming cos it's all going in a box for now rather than the mental load of thinking where does it go. You/ DH can put it away at a more convenient time
• Laundry basket separated into 3/4 sections, whole family gets used to naturally sorting into whites/ lights/ darks as they put it in. Each day take one bin and put it in while you do something baby related e.g. the bottles are sterilising. I find psychologically if I couldn't be holding baby then anyway cos I'm doing something for them I feel better about doing something else too

I love baby wearing and my youngest is great in the carrier but I definitely wanted to cry whenever I saw that advice with my eldest, she was happy in the sling when outside on longer walks but in the house when I was trying to do jobs, not a chance! I also got a real nervous system response to her crying so "leave them to cry, it won't harm them" was disingenuous because it might not have done but it was harming me!

Constant exhaustion and a dirty house will affect it too. If the baby is only 4 months old you haven’t put up with it for very long. A good pair of earphones can block out a lot.

I have a shit back too but with a decent carrier I could do all of those things except shower. It's not dangerous to cook while baby wearing and if you're dropping all your food while you eat that seems like a separate problem.

I think people who have never tried proper carriers don't really understand them and how different they are. If you're not interested thats fine but since your issue is you can't put the baby down, the simplest solution is to not put him down 🤷‍♀️

Well I can't so can only assume my back problems are worse than yours. I assure you my carrier is decent, and I'm an experienced baby wearer who wore my eldest until he was 3.

Why will some people simply not accept that a carrier just isn't the magic catch all solution they think it is!!!

It's sad that people are so deeply unpleasant to mothers in Mumsnet that we have to beg readers not to be mean when we're struggling. :(

So far here people are being supportive, though. :)

My DS was the same, relentlessly, for the first few years, and I struggled. In retrospect, I would have stopped breastfeeding earlier and tried controlled crying, but these don't work for everyone and 4 months is still too young — just saying, if you're feeling your baby still won't be put down in 4-6 months time, it's ok to try different methods and find what gives you respite, as, beautiful though it is, motherhood can be exhausting.

I had a sling and we both wore it so we could do a few things while DS was calm as he was held close to us.

We had as much quick, freezer food as possible. Either cook and freeze lots of easy meals for the whole week ahead, or buy simple ready-made e.g. quiche and salads.

I bought a microwave so I could defrost (and reheat when my food had gone cold because I couldn't find time/free hands to eat it!).

A sensible mat (nappy mat would do) to put the baby on the bathroom floor so I could wash was essential.

Once DS could sit up, I bought a "nest" so I could put him on the kitchen floor while I did stuff.

Most importantly, remember it gets easier very soon!

Velcro babies are usually at their worst at about 4 months! I know mine was. There is no magic solution other than to wait for him to grow up a bit. Your husband will just have to keep doing the majority of the housework and you'll have to just take a deep breath and accept your house will be a state for at least another couple of months.

My velcro baby has just turned two and barely comes near me, if it makes you feel better!

I had two like that. Honestly OP it's normal and it will pass but it's a bloody nightmare when you are going through it.