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Original poster

My ds has started saying very rude things

31 replies

GoldieTheDog · 04/12/2024 07:12

I'm concerned.

My ds who is 8, has started to say things that are very rude. Yesterday for example, he said knock knock, I said who's there? And his reply was 'your ass!'
This isn't the first time and he's been saying a lot of rude things lately. Lots of wear words too.

I told him off and asked him where he is hearing such words. His reply was to blame his sibling. I'm quite sure that's a lie as his (younger) sibling has never said anything along these lines and looked genuinely shocked when he blamed them.

I'm thinking it's from school and wondering if I need to talk to the teacher about it.
Ds does watch YouTube but only on the Tv and we can all hear and see what is on. Neither me or dp has said these things in front of dc and he doesn't stay with other family at all. The only time he's away from us is when he's at school.

Has anyone else here experienced this? Did you find out where they were hearing these inappropriate things?

OP posts:
Tontostitis · 04/12/2024 07:14

It's You tube he's too young to watch it unsupervised

turkeymuffin · 04/12/2024 07:14

Yes he hears it at school.
Yes it's definitely you tube!

He's 8, not 2. You need to teach him how to hear words of every kind and then make his own choices about when to use them (or not)

Original poster
GoldieTheDog · 04/12/2024 07:16

Tontostitis · 04/12/2024 07:14

It's You tube he's too young to watch it unsupervised

He isn't watching it unsupervised. He will have it on for an hour whilst me or dp is also in the room. We can see and hear everything he's watching.

OP posts:

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Families
Lifeglowup · 04/12/2024 07:17

It will be from peers. My 8 years old doesn’t use youtube, goes to school in a very ‘naice’ area and is aware of lots of swears words. However she doesn’t use them and wouldn’t speak to me the way your child is. Seeing and know something is possible doesn’t cause behaviour.

NautilusLionfish · 04/12/2024 07:17

You would would be surprised at what is on youtube. Or even amazon music.

NautilusLionfish · 04/12/2024 07:19

How was he as a 4 year old? May be as some people revert to teen behaviour in their 40s he missed is silly words 4s.
In all seriously I would tell him you expect that from a 4 year old and if active like one, you'll treat him like one. They go in phases and keep talking to him about good and bad behaviour. Rewardbgood behaviour. And with any luck, this too shall pass.

NoIdeaWhatsHappeningHere · 04/12/2024 07:19

It's school and the age. I take the policy of

No name calling/being mean about someone else's looks etc: mild or severe unacceptable

Mild cursing is ok in context/moderation (after all I would do it)

Moderate cursing isn't acceptable in polite company (ie teachers or home): ass, damn, bloody, hell, crap

Severe cursing: not acceptable (shit, fuck etc) or at least within my earshot

I swore loads at school and learned it all there long before YouTube, but I do think there's loads of bad language and just general rude talk to each other on YT. We've banned it in our house as they were addicted and it was totally out of hand.

YourRubyBeaker · 04/12/2024 07:20

It’s YouTube/TikTok brain rot.
Even if you don’t think he is watching it his friends are and they all think it is hilarious to copy all the time.
I teach Year 3, it’s a losing battle, you can come and tell me but I can’t stop parents letting their children watch it. I wish I could but it isn’t in my power. All I can do is ban talk of it in the classroom, not that even that works and outside they say what they want.

YourRubyBeaker · 04/12/2024 07:21

Lifeglowup · 04/12/2024 07:17

It will be from peers. My 8 years old doesn’t use youtube, goes to school in a very ‘naice’ area and is aware of lots of swears words. However she doesn’t use them and wouldn’t speak to me the way your child is. Seeing and know something is possible doesn’t cause behaviour.

‘Naice’ parents also let their children watch this rubbish unfortunately.

Original poster
GoldieTheDog · 04/12/2024 07:33

Do you think I should talk to the teacher about it?

OP posts:
AloneLike · 04/12/2024 07:36

knock knock, I said who's there? And his reply was 'your ass!'

That just sounds like a silly joke to me. I would be more bothered about him using 'ass' when presumably he means 'arse' (unless you own a donkey).

Zapx · 04/12/2024 07:41

AloneLike · 04/12/2024 07:36

knock knock, I said who's there? And his reply was 'your ass!'

That just sounds like a silly joke to me. I would be more bothered about him using 'ass' when presumably he means 'arse' (unless you own a donkey).

That would be the best drip feed ever if it now turns out the OP does indeed own a donkey…

Hazeby · 04/12/2024 07:46

GoldieTheDog · 04/12/2024 07:33

Do you think I should talk to the teacher about it?

No. He’s just 8 year old boy being silly and thinking he’s a bit rebellious. Totally normal, it’s a non-issue.

SnoopySantaPaws · 04/12/2024 07:47

Did you ask him why that knock knock 'joke' was funny?

Ask him if he knows what an Ass actually is?!

he's living in the UK (I presume), not the US, we say Arse, here an Ass is a Donkey.

Teach him some actual jokes.

no, there's no point going to the teacher about the way he's speaking to you! The teacher has quite enough to deal with, without parenting your child.

hes 8, he probably knows more swear words than you.

all these angelic looking kids are potty mouthed in the playground. Its would be surprising that by 8 he hasn't learned 'a time and place' but given your over reaction & his lack of exposure to the outside world it's not.

why doesn't he do any activities?

Original poster
GoldieTheDog · 04/12/2024 07:51

He knows ass is a donkey but thinks it's funny to say it as it sounds like something else which is rude.

He's said many other things which I won't repeat on here. Some a lot worse than the knock knock joke.

OP posts:
SweetBobby · 04/12/2024 07:53

GoldieTheDog · 04/12/2024 07:33

Do you think I should talk to the teacher about it?

What do you intend to say to the teacher?

"Hi Mrs X, my DS is being rude and it can't by my fault so it must be yours. Please use your non-existent spare time find out which of your 30 students is the culprit."

itsgettingweird · 04/12/2024 07:58

Don't speak to teacher. She or he will already be aware their charges are learning and using unacceptable language and will be addressing it. That's why he told the joke to you and not his teacher!

You need to do the same at home.

Give clear boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable.

He loses you tube on tv for unacceptable choices he makes. He knows what he's doing. Hold him to account - not others who he's hearing it from.

I've taught my ds from a very young age that he can only control his behaviour - not the behaviour or actions of others. Also that he can only control his reaction to their behaviour - not their behaviour and choices.

Once he knew the onus was on him to make good choices - and I meant it!- he bucked up his ideas 😂

twentysevendresses · 04/12/2024 07:58

GoldieTheDog · 04/12/2024 07:33

Do you think I should talk to the teacher about it?

No. You talk to your son about it! The teacher isn't using those words is she/he? And the children in their class won't be using them in front of the teacher!! It will be in the playground out of earshot of any adult. Children aren't stupid...they know they won't get away with this in front of an adult at school.

What do you expect the teacher to do?? Seriously?? What! 🤷‍♀️

It's your job to make sure your son is respectful with his words. He'll hear MUCH worse over the next few years 😩😱 and now is the time to enforce responsible, respectful behaviour. Your job...you're the parent.

mumonthehill · 04/12/2024 08:02

He is 8 , you tell him every time that he must not talk like that. It comes from school. Do not laugh or over react just calmly say i never want to hear you say that again and move on.

steponacrackbreakyourmothersback · 04/12/2024 08:10

The example you gave I would probably give a non reaction too "ok sweetheart"

Actual swearing I would say "adults don't say those words in front of children and children don't say those words in front of adults. If you do it again you will lose x" (screen time, use of a toy etc)

nastiness/rudeness needs a consequence every time. Be consistent.

MWNA · 04/12/2024 08:11

NoIdeaWhatsHappeningHere · 04/12/2024 07:19

It's school and the age. I take the policy of

No name calling/being mean about someone else's looks etc: mild or severe unacceptable

Mild cursing is ok in context/moderation (after all I would do it)

Moderate cursing isn't acceptable in polite company (ie teachers or home): ass, damn, bloody, hell, crap

Severe cursing: not acceptable (shit, fuck etc) or at least within my earshot

I swore loads at school and learned it all there long before YouTube, but I do think there's loads of bad language and just general rude talk to each other on YT. We've banned it in our house as they were addicted and it was totally out of hand.

I really like this post.
Probably because it's pretty much exactly the same in our house.

RaspberryRipple2 · 04/12/2024 08:11

My dd (8.5) had the word ‘arse’ in her bedtime story the other day (David walliams) - she found it absolutely hilarious and was asking why a ‘swear word’ is in a children’s book. Obviously she knows these words (and a hell of a lot worse) exist at this age as she hears at school and we also watch films as a family with swear words - loads of PG rated films from the 90s have swear words up to and including sh*t. She also hears them at school all the time. She doesn’t use any of them however but I wouldn’t even raise my eyebrows if she told this joke, ass isn’t a swear word and use of language is hardly inappropriate at home while telling a joke (accept the joke is stupid, but what 8yo tells jokes that aren’t?!)

Words are just words, there’s an appropriate time to use them and inappropriate. My 11yo swears quite often, not at me, I don’t care as she’d never swear at someone or in front of a teacher.

Moonlightstars · 04/12/2024 08:18

GoldieTheDog · 04/12/2024 07:51

He knows ass is a donkey but thinks it's funny to say it as it sounds like something else which is rude.

He's said many other things which I won't repeat on here. Some a lot worse than the knock knock joke.

You can repeat it on here, we can say all the rude words.

oakleaffy · 04/12/2024 08:25

I don't ''get'' the knock knock joke?

''Your ass'' doesn't work?

Here's a better one for a silly playground joke:

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, you're a poo!

bruffin · 04/12/2024 08:31

This thread is hilarious, MN as usually clutching their pearls over youtube
My DC are in their late 20s, so no youtube when they were little, in those days parents on MN and other parenting forums blamed whatever the tv show of the time for their child's bad language/behaviour
My Ds actually learnt the F bomb from the church school governers son!!!!

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