Ridiculously irrational handhold, anyone around?

[IrrationalIvy]

Any chance anyone is around for a particularly irrational handhold? DH is out this evening, and the last time he went out, I had my first ever panic attack. Obviously my irrational brain has decided this is now a ‘thing’ and I’ve been consumed by panic & anxiety all evening, while trying not to wake DD4. I can’t get hold of him on his mobile as I think the signal must be a bit wonky so am sitting here having a bit of a cry, and trying to ignore the feeling of impending doom and get some nice deep calming breaths but failing dismally. I’m just not sure what to do with myself next - he could be out til 1, 2am and at the moment, I can’t fathom another 2 or 3 hours of feeling like this.

How do we chat please? I'm here.

Do a body scan. Or try some ‘voo’ breathing.

Oh bless you, panic attacks/anxiety is the pits. Can you go to bed? Try to sleep it off. I often go to bed when I’m really anxious, I find my bed soothing.
Have a hot milky drink, not caffeinated if possible. Put on comfy pjs. Get into bed and if you can’t sleep, watch tv/ go on phone.

Are you OK?

How are you doing OP? I’m wide awake and will be for a few hours if you need some company x

Have you had any treatment since then?

i found a bubble blower of DD’s that I thought might help, but honestly the ridiculousness of a 40 year old woman sitting blowing bubbles made me cry a bit more. I’ve had quite a lot go on this year, lots of relatively small things in their own right, but I wonder whether everything has just tipped me over the proverbial edge

I know this very well.
What you are feeling is discomfort, not danger. Keep telling yourself that. It is not comfortable but it is not dangerous either.
The only way to feel more comfortable with it is to do it. And the best way to do it is to make it as comfortable as you can, despite the discomfort. So think about physically how you are feeling. Are you shivering? Get a blanket. Give yourself a hug. Get a nice warm drink. Treat yourself like you would if you were unwell. Accept that you feel like this and look after yourself because it feels horrible! But it is just discomfort, like being unwell, and you can manage that and you can manage this.

Try to relax op love. Lay on your bed or go to bed put on some music . Deep breathing try to calm yourself down
It’s not ridiculous to blow bubbles so please don’t cry . You do what you feel you have to do until you feel bit better it will pass try not to panic

I’ve hopped into bed with my kindle but I can’t focus on it which is making me more anxious. And I’m also feeling silly because it just feels like a ridiculous reason to have a panic attack, because I’m on my own and I can’t reach DH, but then a wave of panic hits me and I think I’m having a heart attack and DD will find me collapsed at the bottom of the stairs, etc etc. You get the sorry picture.

Same here, how are you feeling now? Can you talk about what's making you anxious?

Get yourself lost on Facebook reels or TikTok. Great for brain numbing and making yourself feel slightly less intelligent! Keep talking to us.

Good post. The ‘discomfort not danger’ point is key.

Can you play some music you like/that soothes you? That might help. Also perhaps if you can (gently!) laugh at your fears a bit - "silly sausage" fashion, rather than being hard on yourself? And remember you are not really alone, even if it feels like it - even if you can't reach DH just now, there are other people you could call if there was any kind of emergency (friends, family, various services...). Hang in there and you will be fine (and the MN Massive has got you!).

I get that it feels like a heart attack. I once got such bad ones, and with no conscious feelings of stress, that my GP sent me straight to the nearest cardiac unit. My ECG was clear, but I was still incredulous that what felt like my heart stopping, then racing, was a panic attack. Looking back, I was somatising stress I’d suppressed so thoroughly I wasn’t allowing myself to be aware of it.

I’ve found somatic therapy really useful. Also, knowing that there was nothing material wrong with my heart did help.

As a pp said, you’re not in danger, you’re in discomfort. You can sit either way it. It will pass.

That feeling is awful, OP. I occasionally get the same, you aren't alone with this.

How about blocking time off into chunks until your DH gets home. Mentally tick each chunk of 15 mins off, see it as an achievement.

Or to take your mind off it how about chatting- tell us what you would spend a big euromillions win on, or your top 5 films.

So sorry you are feeling this. But believe it or not it is better to try to lean into the feeling and accept it than to try and avoid it, which can make it last longer. Remind yourself OP that it is only a feeling, that it is temporary and it is okay . Talk to yourself ( your inner child) and be gentle ,loving and accepting. Find a way to sooth yourself and keep saying everything will be alright in just a few minutes.

Don’t feel silly op it’s just an overwhelming thing when it happens you are not in danger try to keep calm how ru feeling now

You just need to give your brain something else to do.
Here are some suggestions...
First decide on a scale of one to 10 how bad your anxiety is.

1. Name Five things you can see, then name four things you can touch, three things you can hear, 2 things you can smell.

Then on a scale of one to ten, has the number come down?

1. Try this 10 minute video. (This will also involve asking yourself on a scale of one to 10 how bad is your anxiety? And then asking yourself the same question after you've done the suggestion in the video.)

You can do it sitting up in bed. 8_

1. Find yourself some amusing mumsnet threads. Maybe go to Classics or have a look at the revolting one about nose picking, your brain will be so busy being revolted that it will forget to be anxious.

If you can change what your mind is busy with, then you can bring your anxiety level down, because it's only your mind getting carried away. That's all it is.

You could join me in my cup of tea and toast. My life is a bit of a roller coaster at the moment and at 9.30 I was falling asleep on the sofa and now I’m in the wide awake club so I’ve got myself tea and toast, only me in the bed so no one to moan about the crumbs.

im just about to dive into Pinterest and YouTube for a fix of my current obsession with elf on the shelf for my DGC. I find it a good distraction for my worries 💐

It's adrenalin, it can't hurt you or have any bad effects in the long term, so don't worry about that.

My friends DH went AWOL a few months ago, he was on a night out, she woke up at 6:30am the next morning to find he hadn’t come home, couldn’t get in contact with him, the friends he’d been out with had all got home by 2am - it turned out his phone battery had died, he’d thought to walk home, took a wrong turn, got hopelessly lost and eventually found a friendly bus driver willing to let him hitch a ride reasonably close to home, an hour after she found him missing.

My mind seems to have zoned in on the feeling of utter panic, and the inability to ‘do’ anything, that she described, and transplanted it onto myself when DH is out. Completely illogical & irrational - he’s a 40 year old, perfectly capable man in London, so not at a rave in the sticks or anything.

And also, a heartfelt thank you to everyone who has taken time to respond - there’s almost a feeling of relief not trying to shoehorn it all in

@IrrationalIvy key things to remember:

1. Anxiety is not logical, it’s irrelevant what caused it
2. It will pass, you survived before and you’ll survive again
3. It is ok to cry, no one is judging you and the release can be therapeutic
4. Focus on calming your body in whatever way works for you (breathing exercises, calming music, herbal tea, some people swear doing 5 minutes of star jumps can override the anxiety and acts like a reset)
5. You are safe. You are not in any danger. You will be ok.

Hi OP, I've had awful panic attacks in the past so know what the feeling is like and the 'impending doom' feeling is awful.

There's a few things to try when in the midst of one:
'Grounding' - look around you and find/say to yourself 5 things you can see, 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 things you can you can taste.
Breathing - focussing on how you inhale & exhale, here's a youtube video to help you focus on it, there's lots of good videos on there to watch

I also found having a 'mantra'/saying a repeated phrase in your head helps, something like "I am in control of this" or "this will pass".

Read up on panic attacks - knowledge is power. Once you understand why/how they happen and the physiological reasons why, you will feel more in control when they do happen.