I do know how you feel, 10 years ago I could have written your post. Things are better now, with hindsight I think some of the feelings were down to hormones but I didn't know that at the time. Also as the DCs have grown up some of it has fallen away which helps. But that isn't helpful now.
Practically speaking what has helped is, gradually shifting more of the housework onto him, I do the more detailed occasional stuff, he does nearly all the day to day vacuuming, kitchen, bins etc.
The quiet quitting / allowing things to fail thing, if he asks which bin it is that week I just say I don't know, previously I would have been looking it up on the council website for him. Letting stuff run out. Not doing cards and gifts for his family, or reminding him to do them. Not doing meal planning etc. If we both come home from work it is not my sole responsibility to have thought of what's for dinner.
Acceptance that to some extent we do need to play to our strengths, I am much better at admin than him (and not just through practice, I think he's neurodivergent) but he will do the housework, dirty and heavy jobs etc.
Acceptance that sometimes I am overly perfectionist, so when car insurance runs out he'll do a quick compare the market, whereas I will will do that one, probably other comparison sites, consult Martin Lewis, delve deep into all the differences between policies but probably only save a very few more £ than he does and feel shattered and overwhelmed from the effort.
He will also do specific, one-off admin things, such as booking holidays, sorting travel insurance etc, which I used to do all of but now ask him to do. When I first tried offloading these it was no good as he'd just say well where do you want to go, now I just say, I don't know, you do a bit of research and make some suggestions and I'll see what I think of them. It floored him a bit at first but he's got the idea now.