Could anyone share what their ASD girls were like at age 3/4?

[PuddingOwl]

My DD is 3 years 3 months and I have a suspicion she may be ND, and have for a while. A lot of the standard flags like delayed speech, repetition and sensory issues don't fit her but I have read that ASD can present differently in girls.

Would anyone whose had a DD diagnosed (even at an older age) be able to share what they were like at pre school age and what made you pursue a diagnosis?

Thanks

First child here so we didn't realize.
Quirky ways of dressing.
Taught herself to read age 2
V v easygoing and conformed to rules
No empathy
Didn't like hugs
No close friends
She's 21 now and loving life

Thanks @bradypuss , DD is our first child too so I doubt myself a lot but I'm becoming more convinced the older she gets

DD1 was so quiet we took her to the hospital. We were told she was just a quiet baby. Took to a routine right away. Preferred to play alone. Obsessed with Barbies and fairies. Didn’t like noisy hand dryers. Didn’t like hugs.

DD2 was perpetually either angry or joyful. Rarely calm. Lots of sensory preferences (always stripping off). Fussy eater. Always running off. Wanted hugs lots.

She was an absolute dream child. So, so easy. The only signs were that she flapped “happy hands". She never crawled but she scooted where she needed to go. She was only diagnosed at 12 as she was such an easy child but shit hit the fan with high school and puberty.

Very self possessed, put herself to bed, self soothed, liked routine, sensory seeking, watchful.

@Thepossibility would you mind saying how things changed at puberty? My dd is 11 and is starting to struggle although it’s all quite subtle at the moment still.

@SirMink her anxiety shot up. Depression although it was hard to know what was going on as she retreated completely into herself. We only got a clue because DH read her diary and it was so sad! Dark thoughts. Hallucinations brought on by all of the above. Her happy personality completely changed.

This.

DD15 was a delight. She did have some odd behaviours, some food aversion, would leave the last bits of food in her mouth for ages due to being scared she’d choke. Also struggled using the toilet for a poo despite taking to potty training well.

In a small rural primary school she was fine, just quiet.

High school hit and she hated it, too noisy, too bright, too echoey. Incredibly anxious.

We are awaiting her assessment which won’t be until July next year!

Dd was dx at just two. She was very delayed when dx but caught up quickly. She was the easiest of children, always did what she was told, could entertain herself for hours at a time, she would sing a vast repertoire of songs, she didn't have the local accent but spoke like a BBC newsreader, she never had a tantrum, rarely if ever cried, was quite a serious child, she learned to read easily and early, she picked up computer skills from watching her siblings and could send emails and order from Amazon and Ebay at four. She had definite ideas about what she would wear and her own style, she could draw well and made intricate models from clay that were more sophisticated than you would expect at her age.

Very calm. Never had a tantrum. Loved routine. Very quiet. Happy with her own company.

Mine was just very serious and a bit of a perfectionist - I actually didn't look for an assessment until she was 6 and then it took 3 years. Sadly the lack of early signs didn't mean she is 'less affected' by her autism than those diagnosed younger.

Precocious speech, amazing vocabulary

Couldn’t play by herself at all. Could only be entertained by screens or by other people

Very late to toilet train, completely unbothered by still being in nappies. Forced her to potty train aged 4 but would refuse to use public loos (terrified of hand dryers) so we’d have to take the potty to a quiet corridor or car park. God that was embarrassing!

Lack of social awareness/boundaries / would talk the ears off random strangers or shop assistants

Meltdowns over anything new and unfamiliar, from clothes and shoes to car seats

Demand avoidance - I was on my knees, everything was a battle. I used to say she could start a fight in an empty room

Massively restricted eating

My DD didn't have any of the traits you mention. She was however a very late walker, lacking confidence and motivation to do anything physical. She just didn't move. She was a dreamy, very placid child. She has an aura of peace about her - others would comment on it.

She was very bright, engaging deeply with whatever she was doing. Very quick with numbers, good language skills. At three she acquired the ability to read short words with zero input from me. She could do maths before she could run. So, the twice exceptional thing but not knowing that, to us it was just her normal. I suppose the biggest thing is the placidness - no jealousy or the usual argy bargy with siblings and they quite naturally responded by sharing and so on which is lovely. The challenge now she's older is preparing her for the real world.

We didn't recognise the autism until well into her teens, but she'd always had 'quirks'. At 3-4:

ARFID - from starting solids at 6m, she's been a nightmare with food. Very, very restricted.
Intense special interests - obsessed with dinosaurs, learned really impressive amount of facts for a 3 yr old.
Refusal to put any clothes on for several days in a row.
Potty trained well and at appropriate age, but when she started school she wet herself every day for months. She just couldn't ask the teacher.
'Dream pupil' in primary school, very obedient to teachers, the girl they sit the naughty boy next to 😩
No developmental delays, quite the opposite - this probably stopped us from considering autism for a long time. We just didn't know how it often presented in girls.
No noticeable communication issues at that age; that's hit hard since masking got too much for her in high school, now she's definitely struggling.

My autistic dd was angelic. Follows rules and always doing as asked. She learnt to read early however I'm autistic and while I was like dd in doing as told and very anxious I'd get things wrong I was slow learning to read and write. My dd wasn't funny/picky with clothes but that's a common sign. Although saying that she always has pulled her socks up as far as they go so it looks uncomfortable. Very anxious child. Sometimes shy but other times really 'bossy'. She's not a popular girl as she's a stickler for the rules, I initially she didn't stand out as different socially, just seemed anxious, but age 7 she was obviously differ to her peers to my eyes but I already knew about autism as lots in the family. I didn't show as different to others until senior school although I'd always felt different and had just one or two friends.

She did sleep terrible as a toddler but that was the only challenging thing about her. My autistic son has been challenging and the difference between girls and boys is very stark. Schools and childcare only seem to acknowledge my son has differences, I'd been dismissed for years when I questioned my dd was autistic too.

But I think at 3 unless you have autism in the family already then it will be too young to tell. Keep an eye on it and be prepared to advocate for her but if she's happy then don't worry too much yet

'Dream pupil' in primary school, very obedient to teachers, the girl they sit the naughty boy next to 😩

Ugh, this was my daughter @Newname2308

So much so she was tasked with looking after one of the autistic boys in her class in the lunch hall when his TA was supervising another child in the playground. She explained to me that the TA spent half of one lunchtime supervising child #1 outside, who’d then come in to eat, and she’d collect child #2 and take him to the playground as he’d finished eating, IYSWIM,

This was year ONE.

She’d often gravitate to other autistic kids. I should have realised something was up!

By year six I was sick of her being made to babysit boys with SEN who were struggling academically (she was the opposite) and made a complaint. She cried to me that she’d been looking forward to a new seating plan at the start of a new term, only to find that she was stuck with the same boy and everyone else had been shuffled around.

Primary school SEN support for her was nil. She masked so much (I always thought school got the best of her and we got the worst at home) they wouldn’t even put her on the SEN register.

Anyway, that was a massive digression. She’s at a girls grammar school now 😄

An absolute nightmare.

Didn't sleep to the point I had alopecia from sleep deprivation. Screamed not stop. Couldn't talk. Couldn't potty train. Would attack strangers in the street by leaning out of the pushchair and trying to get at them (hitting, kicking, scratching... anything she could!).

We pretty much stopped going out at that point, except school run. I know we were judged. I know other parents on the school run talked about us.

It did get better once she was older, but just a whole heap of new problems really.

Reading fluently by 3. Used to set up the computers each morning in nursery. They did not play with other children or seem much interested in them though. Outside nursery she was frequently very angry and used to be violent towards me when overwhelmed.
Diagnosis came at 6. At 16 they attend college, remain articulate, artistic and interesting but struggle with MH and making new friends.They are a lot more emotionally aware now and can head off most meltdowns (which look v different these days).

My dd was also a very easy child in many ways. She's just been diagnosed this year at 10, and it didn't become 'obvious' to us until she was around 8.

When she was little she was a very late walker but talked early. Always had sleep issues - didn't sleep through the night until she was 5 or 6 and still needs me to do an elaborate bedtime routine and pat her to sleep. Very articulate with a broad vocabulary. Extremely empathetic. Very popular with lots of friends. Seemed a bit behind in a physical sense (turns out it is a mixture of vestibular balance issues and hypermobility), so for example wouldn't climb a climbing frame or go on a swing or down a slide. Terrified of a lot of things such as swimming and escalators! Looking back, we realised a lot of her play was very controlled, and would be 'pretend I say X then you do X then I do this' - almost scripted. She also loved what she called 'setting up' which was arranging her toys but not actually playing with them in the traditional sense.

Unless you knew her really well you'd have no idea she was autistic so we battled with the school for a while to see what we were seeing. She masks highly so is the classic 'fine in school' case.

Also to add to this, we were always thrown a bit about the questions re 'special interests' when it comes to autism. But with girls is very common for them not to be picked up as their special interests can often be something very stereotypically 'girly.' So we've now realised dd's absolute obsessed with My Little Pony, teddies and animals were her special interests when she was tiny. There's a young woman I follow on tiktok who was diagnosed in her late teens and her special interest has always been her appearance - so makeup, hair and clothing, and another whose special interest is 'self improvement.' I find this so interesting as we are fed this stereotype of autistic boys and interest in trains or maths etc.

Exactly the same as your op. No speech at all. Limited interests, no eye contact, repetitive behaviour, epic melt downs, hating change, lots of sensory issues around sound. She was diagnosed very young and has never masked she wouldn't know how to. She's now 13 and behaviour is much more challenging now.

Perfect. Independent- controlling looking back on it now. Would like to buy the same toy over and over, delayed slurred speech but then overtook the average and chatty suddenly. Extremely talented as some things but would struggle with other simple things like a climbing frame. The content of her writing was very mature once she was old enough to write- like Dr Who episodes. Shit hit the fan last year of primary/when she started high school.

DD age 10 and just diagnosed.

She was a lovely easy toddler, super placid, not very physical, never crawled, bum shuffled until almost 2. Happy playing by herself, very shy. Wouldn’t really make eye contact or interact with anyone other than me and her dad. Restrictive with food, struggled with change, flapping. Wouldn’t engage at parties. Nervous in playgrounds, swimming pools - very risk averse.

From the age of about 6 she learnt social skills and now can be very extrovert when comfortable with the people/situation but still struggles socially, gets sensory overload, is still scared of trying any new foods and does a lot of masking at school. Very relieved to have the diagnosis.

Meant to also say - has always struggled with the school environment, socially and academically so we have regular meltdowns in the evening and she continues to need a lot of support to emotionally regulate.

@AndCallMeNancy your 10yo dd sounds just like my 10yo dd