Had meeting with school about 4 year old son

[pom123]

Last week school asked me for a meeting about my 4 year old son. He's been in reception since September.

His class teacher was in the meeting and the family support worker.

It's really horrible, but he suffers from temper tantrums in school. He loves reading and learning in general, but his class teacher says he has great problems transitioning between processes. So when the class does activity A and they're asked to do activity B now, my son very often has temper tantrums. Sometimes he takes his shoes off and throws them. :( I feel really awful about it.

My son has already been to the headteachers office a few times.

It was decided in the meeting that the school would work with behaviour charts and rewards with him, reinforcing good behaviour. Also giving my son hugs, because this is what works for us at home when he has a meltdown.

They said that although he's August born, they don't normally see these tantrums in children his age anymore.

So they want to see if positive reenforcement works and if that doesn't work, they want their Senco to assess him if he has any special needs.

What can I expect from this? I'm kind of scared everytime I pick him up from school now, because I know there will be another complaint about what he's done.

He's not misbehaving every day, but I get a complaint roughly twice a week.

The school said they thought it was very positive that I supported them and that it was a positive meeting with me, but I'm extremely worried.

I'm nearly 70 and started school at 4 and a half I was also an Early Years teacher most if my working life. There used to be 3 intakes a year so some children were nearer to 5 when they started.

You don't see how his behaviour is not d developmentally typical? So he can be supported? 🤦‍♀️

Ah yeah let's go back to the good old days where an issue may be identified as a bloody adult!

Im the same age and my children started the term after they were 5 and there were certainly far fewer children struggling at school. I used to help out in a primary school also.

The fact remains that the OP's child is in a class of similarly aged children and his behaviour stands out from the others. When you or I started school or at what age people think children should start is irrelevant to this instance. If she kept him at home for another year the same thing would happen a year later but she would have missed out on the opportunity to help him during that time.

How ridiculous. Schools now try and work with parents and make sure everyone’s on the same page. Schools might in the past not have told parents about behaviour - they would have just punished. I’m sure the OP wants the best for her child and wants to work with the school not just have her child punished without being told about it.

Many countries that start formal school later than us do have some form of childcare/preschool/kindergarten before then. Children are not all sat at home with a parent, in fact many of these countries have a high working parent percentage. Reception, although it does involve phonics etc is still quite play based.

I would also implement now-next boards and timers at home too, ideally the same as as school for consistency.

I think it's good the school is aiming to address this, and so are you.

I'm not convinced that positive reinforcement and hugs are the answer though (by themselves). If he is struggling to transition, I would think he needs more support in being prepared for that transition. So the sort of visual and verbal cues other posters have mentioned so that he knows when x happens, then y will happen. timed alerts so he knows its coming etc.

Interestingly, I think this is quite common in young children who you might subsequently discover are ND. Certainly, both DS and DN needed these sort of pre-warnings for change and activities and both are ND, albeit in different ways. It's a processing issue I think.

You may be able to choose for him to go back to nursery and for him to restart school the term after his 5th birthday, if you think he is individually too young for school.

My DD2 is like this. She’s on the SEN register and awaiting diagnosis (AuADHD).

it’s good that the school are on it, but if diagnosis seems likely I’d recommend going private because the waiting list is years long

He was only just 4 when he started which is very young. Some suggestions are very good eg now, next charts. IMO he is acting his age. I think it is too young to start school unless almost 5. Many of our children that age are deferred.

I don't think it's due to age. The school obviously think he's behaving differently to other children. My ds is one of the youngest at reception and doesn't do this. The school are looking to help with a resolution which is good.

So why aren't all the children in the class behaving the same way?

Because children develop at different times in spiky profile.

So some children will develop more control over their emotions and impulse control quicker.

Whereas this little lad may be a cracking artist, mathematician or brilliant at imagining a story from scratch.

Yes but he is behaving so differently from his peers the teacher needs to have a meeting with the OP. The teacher, unless newly qualified, and the SENCO will have seen many, many children in this age range. We do try to treat children as individuals but this child needs extra support and the school is, rightly, involving his parents.

You can argue that children should start school later or go back to three term entry to Reception but it's irrelevant here. The child is acting in a developmentally inappropriate way and would be doing that wherever he was.

And the school will be more than aware of this. But they are concerned enough they want to work with his parents to help him develop those skills as best as possible.

Complaining about a school highlighting concerns really does show schools can’t win!

Plenty of 4 year olds are in school?
It’s highly unusual to have tantrums which involves shoe throwing in the classroom, and it’s fairly reasonable to expect it not to happen.

@CaptainMyCaptain @Sirzy I agree with you. But there is a possibility that it simply is developmental. I have seen a fair few in my time that just have a gap and they even out by seven or so.

But I would be engaging with all support etc as the earlier identified challenges is only of benefit to the child.

I'm not disagreeing that it's developmental. He's clearly not working at the same level emotionally as his peers and needs support in school rather than being taken out.

He's always taken his shoes off when he's angry. I remember him sitting in the pushchair at 2 years old, taking his shoes off and throwing them on the pavement when he wasn't happy about something.

He also likes to take off one piece of clothing when he's angry, like a jumper. School said he took off his trousers a couple of times.

But then other times he's completely normal. At the moment he's playing hide and seek with his younger sister, being cheerful, bubbly and chatty.

@pom123

I used to teach a child who threw his shoes; he was autistic/ADHD and got very dysregulated. He was great at other times.

Op, schools don't raise concerns for nothing. Your child may need some extra support. It's great that they've raised it.

I'd be amazed if the class don't already have a visual timetable, most classes do but a now and next as well as countdowns for tasks would be a good idea. The school may already use them but it's worth asking.