I hear you; I find December very difficult and last year was in tears at some point almost every day. It’s not the bad memories - although there are plenty - I can generally put those aside. It’s the memory of big family Christmases that don’t happen any more. We are still all in contact but numbers got too big and people want to do their own thing.
I miss my parents tremendously at this time of year, they loved Christmas and always tried to make it special.
And I loathe the ‘perfect’ ads - happy families in glamorous PJs, everyone round the table for a huge roast etc. It’s so rarely like that.
I do enjoy some things - singing Christmas music with my choir, a special get-together with my close friends - but I wish the whole thing was just a few days, not weeks and weeks. I’m lucky enough to have family to spend the day with but still I always feel like an outsider.
So the plan for this December:
no shopping malls. I try and buy local but if I have to I’ll use Amazon for the last bits
Go out for a walk every day
If a shop is playing Christmas music, I’ll walk out
Line up some nice (non Christmas) things to watch on catch-up
Stay off social media
Plan some of my favourite meals, luckily I enjoy cooking
Get some good books out of the library/re-read some of the classics from my shelves
Start a new craft project
Generally be kind to myself - you get the drift. I know what you mean about doing things on your own, but these are all things I can do at home, and I try to enjoy the chance to just be there and not being out as much as usual.