If you send your kid to secondary school still believing in Santa the resulting fallout is on your head

[Stripitout]

Try and weigh up how important your Christmas magic is against your kid being mercilessly teased when their peers find out they still believe

I started by telling my DS that the tooth fairy wasn’t real and he was like oh well you’ve spoiled it for me now. So he knew but wanted me to keep up the pretence because it’s fun. So never had the Santa conversation but he doesn’t make a Christmas list or talk about Santa but it’s still Christmas morning and we will be like has Santa come and he has a younger sibling so sometimes it’s just for fun so don’t be so judgy.

I have no idea. My kids certainly aren't like this. ;)

I wasn't a very naive 11 year old but I trusted my mum. When I realised at school because someone said "modern children don't believe in Father Christmas" and half the class rose up in protest, I came home and told her off for lying to me when I had specifically asked. So trusting your parents is not a bad thing. You just don't challenge them on it - why would you if they are lovely parents? It happens. This is why I am absolutely telling my child at 10. After just one last Xmas.

I don't think my parents ever actually told me that Father Christmas existed. I just knew about him from seeing him mentioned everywhere, and they went along with it. I must have been no more than six or so when I worked it out. I remember saying to my mum 'Father Christmas isn't real, is he?' and she said 'no, but don't tell [younger sibling].'

I really don't understand how today's much more sophisticated children, with access to far more information, can get to secondary age without working it out.

And as for 'no presents for non-believers' .... you can't force someone to believe in something they don't believe in, so you're essentially telling a young child they'll get no presents.

What would you say to a parent who said 'no presents if you don't believe in the Nativity'?

And as for 'no presents for non-believers' .... you can't force someone to believe in something they don't believe in, so you're essentially telling a young child they'll get no presents

It is pretty silly. The message to the child is: "You need to keep up the pretense because this is soooo important to mummy". Makes me wonder why the illusion is so important to an adult once the child no longer believes? Can you not enjoy the holiday without pretending a fat man in a red suit is flying around in a sleigh? Surely there must be value in traditions you observe once children are past the Santa phase?

My friends kid was a few weeks short of his 13th birthday and found out by chance when someone asked if his younger sister still believed. He was in his first term in secondary (not in UK so we start a year later) and thankfully his classmates never found out. His parents knew he believed and said nothing. He was furious with them because at about 10 or 11 he asked them straight up to tell him the truth and they lied. He said they made a fool out of him. Which they did. And if I'm really honest since then I've always presumed he is a bit thick. I know that sounds so mean but i just can't comprehend how he never stopped to think, I wonder what other aspects of life he has never questioned.

DS got into bother when he was 11 when in conversation with a 10 & 9 yo at a mixed age activity. The 10yo still believed, DS and the 9yo didn't. It was a short conversation and nothing caught the leaders' attention until the mother made complaints about "bullying" later in the evening.

I'm sorry that the 10yo was disappointed, but a one minute conversation and an exclaimation of surprise is not bullying (I was also in the room and my observations, the other leaders' and DS's accounts all added up).

It turns out that DS stopped believing at 6 but played a good game for several years after. I've always played the "what do you think?" line giving space to believe or be critical. I played the game but never hammed it up too much either. Some parents do overplay their hand and that doesn't do anyone any favours.

I wobbled between 8-10. I wanted to believe in that window, but getting more critical in thought is a healthy part of development through those years, and the vast majority of children will stop believing before going to secondary school

You can't ban children from talking about it, especially when they're doing Christmas activities. Having a difference of belief is not bullying in itself.

It's really grim to force kids to go along with a (very silly) story when they are way too old to believe it.

i'm surprised that kids had to be told.. i just worked it out at one point, think my older brother partially gave the game away.

I don't ever remember telling either of my kids 'the truth' either, they just figured it out. I did get questions and i just always gave the line that its a nice bit of make believe that just makes christmas that extra bit magical for small children, and as we get older and we learn about magic and make believe, our role instead becomes the 'keeper of the magic' for the other little children.

Also, I’m sorry but telling someone Santa isn’t real and finding it funny that they still do (because it is seen as babyish and the worst thing you can be at secondary school is babyish) is not bullying. If someone is following a child round school taunting them and putting it all over social media that they are a baby who believes in Santa, that’s bullying. But the kid who believed doesn’t need that for them to mortified that they still believed. Just having a peer saying it is bad; which is why kids need to be told.

RTFT and the only thing I can think is how huge an impact the ‘truths’ we tell our children (when supported by society) can have.

You don't tell your DC. You let them figure it out. Use the same wrapping paper you used for your gifts etc. Then they feel clever that they sussed it out rather than betrayed.

TBH I find that very sad!

My DD never believed in Santa. Nothing sad about it.

Plenty of other magic to be excited about.

My Year 6 child still wholeheartedly believes. He's autistic but attends a mainstream school and is pretty switched on about other things. However as far as Santa goes he has never questioned it. Tooth fairy as well. My 8 year old has worked out the tooth fairy but is keeping up the pretence for the sake of his older brother. He still believes in Santa as well (bizarrely, I thought it would be game over once he figured out tooth fairy).

I'll be letting my older one know before secondary. He's quite a pragmatic chap and will probably enjoy feeling grown up and responsible for keeping the story going for his younger cousins and brother (if brother hasn't worked it out though I suspect he might do by next summer).

So yes, there are definitely still 10/11 year olds that still believe. He's not stupid. Just a little bit more innocent and willing to trust what's said to him than the average child his age. It's a constant source of worry but also means he is a lovely child with a beautiful outlook on life and people. I don't see any reason to stop his imagining of Santa for one last Christmas if it brings him happiness

Why is it sad? I don't think any of my three believed much beyond that age, if they even believed much beyond reception age. I never asked them and it was not discussed.

It always amazes me how much some people tie themselves up in knots about this.

My 11, almost 12 DD " still believes".....ok i actually dont know if she does or just kinda going long with it now and my 9 year old and 4 year old most certainly still believe and are in the thick of it.

I will never tell them, my mum never told me and hey, i turned out just grand.

I found out at some point organically, cant remember how but i assume from school.

Personally i think why kill the magic, they are only young once and i remember as a child it being such a magical time.