Two faced?

[Greybottle]

One of my mother's brothers, there was an issue with him. I don't know what it is. Likely if it was together, he would be diagnosised with something. He's not able to read ques. He's very soft and innocent.

Anyways he never met anyone in his life. He never married and had his own children and family. So he is a bachelor. He is somewhat of an alcoholic but to some degree I could nearly understand it. He's likely going to the pub to have some company from other people.

He was the person who was at home with my grandmother before she needed assisted in a nursing home for a few years before she died. When she died he inherited the family home.

My mother comes from a large family of siblings. They never contested the inheritance and they were happy to leave him with what he got. But they were bitter behind it all too.

I know of one aunt who only used him for money thinking he is rich. But the thing is my grandmother died 16 years ago and if he was left any money it would be long gone. Also he is in receipt of a means tested benefit so he can't possibly have anything but my aunt and the rest of them are too dim to comprehend that. My mother only uses him too. Not so much for money. I don't know. He rings a lot. Likely out of boredom and likely to seek company and interaction. My mother can happily ig ore her phone and his calls for weeks at a time. He rang her this morning and she only just got angry behind his call. But never to him.

I have other aunts who were more direct in telling him to f*ck and he has no relationship with some of his siblings.

I am hating seeing the two faced behaviours from many of them. Especially the aunt who uses him for money and also from my own mother. She begrudgingly picks up the phone to him maybe once every month or two. And then behind it curses him out of it. I do t understand, if she doesn't like him - tell him instead of ranting into my ear.

I am so tempted to rest on them all. Send him an anonymous note to let him know that my aunt and my mother's name hates him and they are only just using him.

I just feel so sorry for him and they way he is being treated. They look down on him so much.

How old is he?

Send him an anonymous note to let him know that my aunt and my mother's name hates him and they are only just using him.

If you really feel so strongly about this have the courage to put your name to it. Why would he take any notice of an anonymous note?

He's in his 60s

That would only be getting myself in trouble

I'd take action with your mum to start with. Don't take action with him, he is vulnerable and lonely. Take action with them. I expect he has left the house to them in his will anyway.

I am so tempted to rest on them all

I don't know what that means.

Send him an anonymous note to let him know that my aunt and my mother's name hates him and they are only just using him.

You can't be serious ?
How exactly do you think that would help anyone ?

If you don't like someone's behaviour (your Mum and your Aunt) , then speak to them about it.
If you feel sorry for your uncle, or feel he is treated badly, then do something with him to make his life a bit better. Maybe go and visit him, or take him out somewhere, or even phone him up now and then.
There is NOTHING to be gained from your suggestion.

Sorry. Typo. Rat on them

So you don't have the balls then?

He sounds as if he could be vulnerable to exploitation not just from your family but maybe outsiders as well. Cuckooing is a real thing involving lonely vulnerable people. You might be better off speaking to outside sources of help.
Age UK
Social Services— you can voice your concerns and give your name as it’s all confidential.

Or maybe look at his local area and see what is on offer —- lunch clubs, or maybe something run by a local church. I think there’s an organisation called Men’s Shed. https://menssheds.org.uk

You don’t sound a very nice person.

Tell your mother, aunt and anyone else who is using him that this is financial abuse. They either leave it alone or you will report them to the police (might be enough to scarr them out of it).

Contact social services as has been suggested.

This is an oversimplification.

OP you do sound like you've internalised the criticisms of him. You sound judgmental of him not marrying and gaining the inheritance.

If you do care you could start by just being generally kind to him. And you could challenge some of the criticism from family members ie say I don't have a problem with him, he's nice etc

If you don't particularly like him I'd call age concern and otherwise stay out of it. Or still offer some challenge to family

If you feel he is not capable of taking care of himself and realising when prople are taking advantage you need to get a social worker involved. I would have to tell your mother and aunt that their behaviour is inappropriate given that your uncle obviously has social problems.

Why would you think that telling a vulnerable and lonely person that their family hate him and talk behind his back is going to achieve anything?

It will just upset him. It sounds like he needs a bit of kindness.

I agree with some of the posts,do not send him an anonymous letter,that could send him into a downward spiral He sounds lonely and as suggested contact Age UK for advise and tell them your concerns,they will know the best way to deal with this.

I'm not getting this at all? OP has started a thread because of shitty behaviour she's observed by others towards her uncle. She's picked up that there could be a condition making him even more vulnerable and is appalled at the treatment of him by his so-called siblings. I suspect OP is from a family where you don't just 'challenge' behaviours of senior relatives.

Yes I agree, I wouldn't say OP is not nice or why would they ask these questions

He sounds like a vulnerable adult. I would contact adult social services and explain the situation to him. I was watching 24 hours in police custody where a man's niece completely ripped her off of all his money. You could say to social services that you are concerned that they are using him and making him more vulnerable. They will take action.

I wouldn't send him a letter like that as it sounds very cruel. If you do see him though I think it's worth saying don't go giving anyone any money. They have plenty of money, more than you, and they ask everyone for it and everyone says no. You can always say if he anyone asks for for money just let me know

Do these relatives think they are owed money due to the way he inherited the house? It sounds like bitterness and resentment are driving the behaviour. Have they always had to look out for him and are fed up? None of this justifies it. They sound awful.

I would do what I could to befriend him if you have time and as others have said get him the support he needs. You may find the others back off if they know you know what they are up to. I would absolutely NOT send a letter.

I don't understand how anyone is saying you are unkind, you sound the opposite.

I considered sending a letter but I never did.

I think his siblings believe he has money because he got an inheritance from their parents. I don't think he would have much left if anything. I know the parents had a lot of land and she sold a lot of land but she did that around about early 00s and she was aging. I don't know if anything went at market value. She could have been too soft and too greedy for cash and sold low. Anyways she needed a nursing home in the last few years and I suspect that would have taken a lot. My point is that my uncle is on a means tested payment which means that he's not as rich as what they think he is.

I just hate seeing what's going on. I think he's giving them money in an effort to retain friendships but they hate him behind his back. They really do have a a lot of distain for him.

My mother won't ask him directly for money but she makes these poor stories to him in an effort to garnish symtpathy and what she said to me before is that it's a 'hint hint' for him. He doesn't have the social ques to understand. One would have to ask him more directly. That build up resentments from my mother.

Last winter I paid over 200 pounds to fix a plumbing leak for my mother that she was happily ignoring. She has money and savings but she wasn't spending anything. When the plumbing work was done and the next time she talked to her brother she told him in a 'hint hint' - send money to help her pay. But she didn't pay and if he did send money, she wouldn't be paying me back, it would only go to boost up her purse. That is the shear manipulation that is going on.

He's so innocent and vulnerable and I hate what I am seeing in particular from two of his sisters. They hate him but they only keep in touch with him for money.

I was never judging that he never married. I was writing a description of the background and telling here how he is likely lonely.

Involve SS if you won’t tackle your own mother about her treatment of her vulnerable brother. An anonymous note telling a vulnerable 60something that his siblings hate him I would be the reverse of helpful.

You aren’t coming across at all well either — I mean your concern seems motivated primarily by dislike of your mother and aunts and a desire to get one over on them, rather than concern for your uncle.

Do you phone and visit him?

What would happen if the next time your mum talks about "hint hint" you say "why do you think Uncle X has any money? People with savings don't get benefits. Don't you remember Granny sold the land?" To be honest though she sounds a nightmare if she refuses to pay her own bills despite having the money.

Because the OP indicates no concern for her uncle, nor is there any indication she visits him, or picks up the phone to him -- her sole concern seems to be dislike of her mother and aunts, and a desire to put one over on them, because she also feels exploited by her mother.

And her impulse isn't to call social services, or his GP, and to try to put in place something to promote his welfare, but to send a vulnerable individual, with possible learning difficulties and alcoholism, who is very lonely, but to send him an anonymous note telling him his siblings hate him.