GS want his mum to pick him up from school

[Shithole101]

I pick my grandson up from school with my own children. They all go to the same school. This is just in the afternoon not the mornings. The reason I do this is because the afternoon school run is extremely stressful when my adult dd is with us. GS and DD argue like teenagers. GS cries and screams dd shouts at him. It upsets my children to and its just really stressful and in all honesty I don't want to hear it.

Things have been extremely stressful for a long time and things are just starting to get better and less stressful. And I just don't want to have stress over again.

The problem is GS is asking me if his mum can pick him up because I do it every day. But in all honesty I can't do the stress of his mum being on the school run. I can't loose her either because we are in the same route and she knows I don't do stuff . So I'm stuck with her.

Either very slightly before Xmas or slightly after she will be moving house closer to the school so i won't be picking him up and dd will probably manage better as they will be close to the school .

I feel bad for GS because he wants his mum to pick him up . But I feel like I just want to fob him of for the need few weeks or so .

How old is he and why does his mum keep shouting at him?

Surely it's up to his mum?

If the arrangement is going to change within a few weeks anyway then just be firm: mum will be picking him up when they move to their new house but until then, she has things that she needs to do and it’s silly for both of you to go.

Does he dislike anything about you picking him up? Does he find his [whatever relationship your children are to him] annoying, do they leave him out of things? Can you try to work on that if so?

Your DD argues like a teenager with her kid: I presume from the ages of your other children that she is a teenager or not much older than one? Has anyone discussed parenting classes or support with her? Does the school have a family support worker? She isn’t coping well if there’s this level of arguing and stress with her child and his school run.

Tricky situation.

Can his mother calm down a bit? Can you talk to her about it?

I think this is obviously one of those situations that is much more complex than it is possible (or necessary!) to put in the post. But from the limited information it sounds like the house move is a good time for a reset of routine

Dd is 27. There's been support etc . She just does not seem to get it. She does have bipolar i know that's no excuse. But im not sure if it can have an effect.

My 2 are 8 and 9. They get on well he's not left out they normally play as we walk. He's said about his mum picking him up a few times. But once he's with my 2 he doesn't mention it . So maybe it's not do bad really.

He does not dislike me picking him up we have little jokes and things . I think its just im not his mum.

If he asks her , you can't prevent it. Can you not just distance yourself and go separately?

I'm thinking that. And time we have had xmas etc its probably going to feel faster. I just felt bad when he asked for his mum.

Can she pick your two up as well? Maybe you could share afternoon school runs between you both.

No we are in exactly the same school run at exactly the same time. On exactly the same route.

If he asks her I don't think she would automatically say yes . I think he would have to go in at her quite a bit before she agreed .

No way. She stresses my children out. One has special needs and he can't manage it.
Would have been nice to have an afternoon of though 🫠

Do your adult DD and GS live with you OP?

I can understand why GS would like his Mum to pick him up occasionally, especially if there isn't an obvious practical reason why she can't (eg. she's at work or college)

It sounds quite toxic for the poor kid, being shouted at the whole way home 😧
Are you sure he isn’t just checking with you to confirm it will continue to be you collecting him, rather than her?
Is he ok at home with her, her patenting skills sounds lacking, to say the least?

They are ok at home . It just seems to be the school runs. Once is a while things at home can get hard at home and ds will come for a sleep over. But that's not often

No she lives 5 mins away by bus

I don't understand this,if you are picking up GS, who is she collecting? Her other DC? Why is she on the school run if you are collecting her child?

This was a reply to someone who asked a question. This would be the case IF she was picking up her DS/my GS

Do you live together? If not then just march a head, or hang back chatting or invent a trip to the shops.

I'm more concerned that DD is off her meds to be like that. You only see a short potion of what the poor child has to put up with.

My ex was off his meds. Depressed me as he just flipped into an utter bastard.

The best thing you can do is to help dd get back on her meds somehow. And is she's nasty all the time I'd suggest the meds need tweaked.

The problem with bipolar is that the person thinks they are fine and genuinely believes it's everyone else. That's why they think the meds don't work.

But the meds do work. So if you want to help your grandson that's he what I'd do. Get her to the doc. Somehow.

That doesn't work. It will also add at least 30+ mins to my journey because I will miss the train/ bus

Did you post before @Shithole101 about this, I remember something very similar. But either way, you go a different way home / nip to the shop or whatever and get the next bus. He wants his mum to pick him up and its a shame he doesn't get that.

I remember a poster with an adult daughter with bi polar who didn’t think it an influence on the adult DD poor parenting but not this situation. I’m wondering if it’s the same person.

Her meds have recently been changed apprently they take about as they to see an effect . She's 2 weeks in.

She was diagnosed with a personality disorder. And she was on meds . Then later she was diagnosed with bipolar so they changed her meds due to the new diagnosis. And they recently got changed again

His mum can't be that bad though if he is asking for her to pick him up

Children don't know what's normal. Children whose parents are inconsistent, neglectful or even abusive often love their parents and ask to be with them.

I am absolutely not saying that OP's daughter is abusive. Only that a child wanting to be with their mum is not a guarantee that their mum is a positive part of their life.