Page 11 | would you cancel Christmas if you could?

ffsfindmeausername · 2024-11-24T20:25:01+00:00

It always surprises me each year when engaging in conversation with people about Christmas at how many people say they really dislike Christmas, myself included if I'm honest. Everyone seems to say the same things that it's so stressful,expensive, pressure to make everything magical etc. Lots seem to say they wish Christmas didn't exist! I also feel this way and I actually dread Christmas coming around each year and feel huge relief once January comes around. How many actually feel this way and if there was a national vote to cancel Christmas then would you vote yes?

Jabbabong · 12/12/2024 12:40

I do not love it but it serves as something to break up the monotony of winter. It's a keep from me.

Notanothaone · 12/12/2024 13:13

Most of the drama around Xmas seems to center around the pressure to spend on particular day centering your family and not letting anyone be alone. So people who are alone at Xmas end up feeling miserable, or if they don't, other people pity them and try to force them to join their gathering.

Yes to that whole post @GreenTeaLikesMe but this especially resonates so much with me. I am putting my foot down and spending it alone this year which is what I want! Me and M&S goodies and the Eastenders special 😂

If I drove I might go and see someone for the day but as I travel by train, I’d have to stay for days and also rely on crowded unreliable trains at a busy time. None of that appeals to me this year.

I think I’ve been going against societal expectations for a long while in many ways so I’ve become less bothered by what people say. That said I do appreciate the people who invited me for Christmas as it was well-intentioned.

What annoys me more is people expressing shock or pity over me spending it alone but not actually inviting me. I would have declined anyway but it’s the principle of the thing IMO.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 12/12/2024 21:18

GreenTeaLikesMe · 12/12/2024 12:27

I think Xmas would be better if the actual day itself (25 December) was not a thing, other than for sincerely religious people (rather like Whitsun for Christians or the summer soltice if you're a pagan or whatever).

Most of the drama around Xmas seems to center around the pressure to spend on particular day centering your family and not letting anyone be alone. So people who are alone at Xmas end up feeling miserable, or if they don't, other people pity them and try to force them to join their gathering. You "have to" invite unpleasant relatives you would normally avoid, out of pity or a sense of decency. Grandparents fight about who they get to spend Xmas day with, and adult children get caught in the middle (guilt trips, arguments, or spending Xmas day dragging about trying to visit both households in turn). Too many people under one roof. Few pubs and restaurants are open, and those that are open will probably serve mediocre food with a snarl and charge huge amounts for it, so someone always ends up having to host at home for far too many people.

It would be better if Xmas was more of a generalized wintery season where there were nice Xmas lights and music and special food throughout (ideally through the end of January), and where you just made plans to meet with all the various people in your life on any day. So maybe do dinner with one set of grandparents on 20 December, do lunch with the other set on 2 January. Which would give the option of going to a pub or restaurant if you want, and would involve your spending a couple of hours enjoyably with someone rather than having way too many people in the house and the whole thing dragging on all day.

Oh, and the other thing that seems to cause misery at Xmas is bloody presents (so much butthurt, hurt feelings, stress, arguments.....). I basically don't exchange any gifts at Xmas other than the kids in the family and a restaurant voucher with my parents, and my goodness it is so much nicer. I'd rather spend the money on getting together with someone I care about and having food and drinks together, frankly.

Grandparents fight about who they get to spend Xmas day with, and adult children get caught in the middle (guilt trips, arguments, or spending Xmas day dragging about trying to visit both households in turn).

When they live hundreds of miles apart, they know that the grandkids can't be dragged that distance and both sets basically resort to emotional blackmail "we might not be around next year" to try to overturn the pre-agreed turn-taking and get the grandkids during the year when it's not their turn.

I wonder how much of my antipathy towards Christmas is because of that kind of family drama?

The best Christmases were the ones when my sister was too small to travel and we were in my parents' home.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 12/12/2024 22:17

Notanothaone · 12/12/2024 13:13

Most of the drama around Xmas seems to center around the pressure to spend on particular day centering your family and not letting anyone be alone. So people who are alone at Xmas end up feeling miserable, or if they don't, other people pity them and try to force them to join their gathering.

Yes to that whole post @GreenTeaLikesMe but this especially resonates so much with me. I am putting my foot down and spending it alone this year which is what I want! Me and M&S goodies and the Eastenders special 😂

If I drove I might go and see someone for the day but as I travel by train, I’d have to stay for days and also rely on crowded unreliable trains at a busy time. None of that appeals to me this year.

I think I’ve been going against societal expectations for a long while in many ways so I’ve become less bothered by what people say. That said I do appreciate the people who invited me for Christmas as it was well-intentioned.

What annoys me more is people expressing shock or pity over me spending it alone but not actually inviting me. I would have declined anyway but it’s the principle of the thing IMO.

Two additional good options for those who prefer to spend Xmas day alone:

a) For those who can afford it, go somewhere where Xmas is less of a big deal and is a working day for most people. In Japan, my home these days, you can spend Xmas day enjoying some nice illuminations, shopping and getting a nice meal at a restaurant; most people are at work and there's nothing odd about not spending the day with family.

b) For those on a budget, actually working on Xmas day can be quite satisfying - pick up some casual work on the day, earn double time (maybe tips as well) and put the money away for a nicer trip somewhere next year. And it puts paid to all the sad faces about "But why are you spending Xmas alone!?" A friend back in the UK is doing this this year and is very happy about it.

Needanewname42 · 12/12/2024 23:52

@GreenTeaLikesMe I think you've nailed most of the pressure around Christmas.
The who's having Christmas with who.
The who's getting who what
The raking up ideas
And the financial pressure of it all.

This year I decided to push the time for dinner back only to have other people's decide they can visit before our dinner guests (they are having dinner elsewhere) Really i don't want people round here early afternoon when I'm trying to have some chill time and get ready for dinner.

HagathaChristi · 13/12/2024 14:42

GreenTeaLikesMe · 12/12/2024 12:27

I think Xmas would be better if the actual day itself (25 December) was not a thing, other than for sincerely religious people (rather like Whitsun for Christians or the summer soltice if you're a pagan or whatever).

Most of the drama around Xmas seems to center around the pressure to spend on particular day centering your family and not letting anyone be alone. So people who are alone at Xmas end up feeling miserable, or if they don't, other people pity them and try to force them to join their gathering. You "have to" invite unpleasant relatives you would normally avoid, out of pity or a sense of decency. Grandparents fight about who they get to spend Xmas day with, and adult children get caught in the middle (guilt trips, arguments, or spending Xmas day dragging about trying to visit both households in turn). Too many people under one roof. Few pubs and restaurants are open, and those that are open will probably serve mediocre food with a snarl and charge huge amounts for it, so someone always ends up having to host at home for far too many people.

It would be better if Xmas was more of a generalized wintery season where there were nice Xmas lights and music and special food throughout (ideally through the end of January), and where you just made plans to meet with all the various people in your life on any day. So maybe do dinner with one set of grandparents on 20 December, do lunch with the other set on 2 January. Which would give the option of going to a pub or restaurant if you want, and would involve your spending a couple of hours enjoyably with someone rather than having way too many people in the house and the whole thing dragging on all day.

Oh, and the other thing that seems to cause misery at Xmas is bloody presents (so much butthurt, hurt feelings, stress, arguments.....). I basically don't exchange any gifts at Xmas other than the kids in the family and a restaurant voucher with my parents, and my goodness it is so much nicer. I'd rather spend the money on getting together with someone I care about and having food and drinks together, frankly.

GreenTea, if you ever stand as mayor I will vote for you. Your Christmas sounds lovely. I am really hating it this year because life is so stressful at the moment.

Notanothaone · 13/12/2024 18:10

GreenTeaLikesMe · 12/12/2024 22:17

Two additional good options for those who prefer to spend Xmas day alone:

a) For those who can afford it, go somewhere where Xmas is less of a big deal and is a working day for most people. In Japan, my home these days, you can spend Xmas day enjoying some nice illuminations, shopping and getting a nice meal at a restaurant; most people are at work and there's nothing odd about not spending the day with family.

b) For those on a budget, actually working on Xmas day can be quite satisfying - pick up some casual work on the day, earn double time (maybe tips as well) and put the money away for a nicer trip somewhere next year. And it puts paid to all the sad faces about "But why are you spending Xmas alone!?" A friend back in the UK is doing this this year and is very happy about it.

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Yes both great suggestions - I spent Christmas in South Korea about a decade ago as I was living there and I loved it. It was definitely much less of a big deal - at least back then.

This Christmas, when I’m off from my day job, I’ll be working on some freelance writing I was hired to do. So I’ve told people I’m occupied with meeting my January deadline - and it’s actually the truth!

Although of course I’ll be watching Christmas tv and eating M&S food too!

On reflection - a part of me actually wonders if sometimes the sad face reactions to the idea of someone spending Christmas alone is disguised envy?

Basically people who are jealous that you’re doing your own thing while they’re facing a stressful festive period and they don’t have the nerve to opt out. 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

would you cancel Christmas if you could?

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