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Meerkat gave my son a nosebleed, Need "daily mail" style headline , can you help ?

78 replies

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 21/11/2024 12:37

I want to create a t shirt , in a "tabloid" style headline / story for my adult son based on his visit to a zoo where a meerkat gave him a nose bleed.

I just can't think of any "snappy" titles .

Any help very gratefully received , thanks

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 21/11/2024 20:37

BLOOD soaked zoo ATTACK caught on CAMERA!

Snap happy family capture horror moment loveable creature turns vicious!

A traditional British day out turned to horror this week when Jason Smith, of Peterbrough, was viciously attacked by a crazed meercat. The hunky 35 year old accountant was visiting the zoo with his wife, Becky, who flaunted her figure in a pair of Next jeans and a slinky overcoat from George at Asda.

Becky told us of her anguish at being powerless to intervene as the horror unfolded 'Jason!' she cried 'Do you need a tissue?' as helpless visitors to the zoo looked on.

A zoo spokesperson declined to comment, but a confidential source has disclosed that the meercats were 30mins overdue for their weekly toenail clipping.

TroysMammy · 21/11/2024 20:37

Bloody minded meerkat nose what he did

XmasMarkets · 21/11/2024 20:40

Compare the nosebleed.com!

XmasMarkets · 21/11/2024 20:40

GoFaster83 · 21/11/2024 13:10

Meerkunt is fabulous! If the printing company question it just say it's a traditional family name or something.

🤣🤣🤣

WalkingForwardBackwards · 21/11/2024 20:46

(No) Meerkat Manners as Mad Kat Mauls Man

cordelia16 · 21/11/2024 21:09

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 21/11/2024 13:06

@BeMintBee

Meer-c**t. !!! Nailed it

I think she said Meer-cut

(which I think sounds better than yours bec -cat and -cut are just one letter different).

wendywoopywoo222 · 21/11/2024 21:25

Duc · 21/11/2024 14:28

Meertwat clobbers visitor

Ah ha love meertwat. 😂

Gnomegarden32 · 21/11/2024 21:45

WinterCrow · 21/11/2024 14:31

The foreign meercunt, aged 24 (months), was seen to smirk in its £1 million pound luxury enclosure while it flaunted its razor-like claws at horrified families, who had been hoping for a proper British day out.

😂

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 22/11/2024 11:07

@Duc meertwat !!!! Made me snort 😆

OP posts:
HowMuchShouldBePaid · 22/11/2024 11:10

Also , any recommendations for a company that can produce a bespoke t shirt ? I have tried making my own in the past woth "t shirt paper" and they never turn out that well , but would do at a push.

OP posts:
HowMuchShouldBePaid · 22/11/2024 11:11

Currently thought for title ,

Fists of furry : meertwat attack.

OP posts:
Duc · 22/11/2024 12:33

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 22/11/2024 11:11

Currently thought for title ,

Fists of furry : meertwat attack.

🤣 😂👌🙌 👃

Duc · 22/11/2024 12:36

Mini-meer menace - Meertwat Attack!

peepsquick · 22/11/2024 12:37

Sorry I haven't read through the thread but have you tried ChatGPT?

InWithThePlums · 22/11/2024 12:42

Definitely requires a sentence about the impact on house prices.

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 22/11/2024 16:59

from chatGPT, ( thanks for the idea) with a few tweaks from me

A random act of kindness turned into an unexpected and unsettling encounter for 23-year-old Tom Edwards, a young man from the UK, when he was attacked by a meercat. John Edwards, who lives in a £300,000 home in the suburbs, had been enjoying a day out when he encountered the meerkat , who had been begging.

Edwards, known for his generous nature, offered the meerkat some food. However, the situation quickly escalated. Without provocation, the meerkat lashed out, striking Edwards and leaving him with a painful nosebleed. "I was just trying to do something kind," Edwards said. "But the next thing I knew, I was bleeding, turn out he didn’t actually want any food”

The meerkat, an immigrant from Africa, who lives in government-funded accommodation with his large family, has reportedly never worked and is known to be a frequent beggar in the area. "This is not what I expected," Edwards continued. "I didn't retaliate because I didn't want things to get worse.". The meerkat’s immigration documents list skills as “being cute” and “standing on tall things” .

Witnesses say that the immigrant’s family members were seen in the vicinity, always watching for trouble. One passer-by remarked “the whole family seem to enjoy taunting others , even those much bigger and tougher”. Local authorities have not made any attempt to capture any suspects, but an investigation into the incident is ongoing and “tasty treats” may be deployed.

Edwards, who works in retail, is now recovering at home and says he’s shaken but thankful the situation didn’t escalate further. “I hope this serves as a reminder that kindness can sometimes be met with something unexpected," he said.

OP posts:
HowMuchShouldBePaid · 22/11/2024 16:59

most prob a bit to long for it to still be legible on a t-shirt but its a start.

OP posts:
BeachRide · 22/11/2024 17:02

Compare the nostrils.com?

JustAMiddleAgedDirtBagBaby · 22/11/2024 17:08

Teemill has always been good for me with custom t-shirts, but I've never attempted anything as brilliant ambitious as this!

ScrollingLeaves · 22/11/2024 17:10

“Compare the bloody nose- Meerk. Com”
“Insure your nose”

Princessbananahamock · 22/11/2024 17:13

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 21/11/2024 13:09

Oh yeah, something to tie in with "compare the market". , didn't even think of that

Compare the nosebleed with the two meerkats punching each orthers noses. Perhaps Sergei flying backwards following an uppercut from Alexandr.

custardpyjamas · 22/11/2024 17:14

Meercat picks wrong nose

Temporaryname158 · 22/11/2024 17:20

Meer miss in zoo nosebleed Katastrophe

MoveOnTheCards · 22/11/2024 17:28

MeerSPLAT: Crazed critter causes bloodshed on family day out.

Hellohelga · 22/11/2024 17:42

WeegieWan · 21/11/2024 13:08

Meerkat assaults local lad for 'no raisin'? I'll get my coat....

Love it

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