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Original poster

Adult son

31 replies

Flomer · 21/11/2024 09:19

I'm a lone parent of 2 now adult kids. Late 50s. I've always done my own DIY but getting bit more difficult now. My son watched me repaint the house (indoors) without offering to help. He pays £220 in digs which I've been keeping for him so he can have a deposit on a house. I've loaned him a fair amount also. Digs cover everything, including food.
What's got me riled is that I asked him 2 months ago to clean my gutters - that's one of his outdoor occupations. Last week he said he'd do it for £67....

OP posts:
MyOpalViewer · 21/11/2024 09:21

this is your son?
the way you speak about him and the way he engages with you…. sounds like a rotting marriage

Original poster
Flomer · 21/11/2024 09:25

MyOpalViewer - Im not talking about my son in a certain way, just stating how things are. He knows I'm saving his digs for him. I don't ask for the loans back.

OP posts:
ImJustAGirlInACountrySong · 21/11/2024 09:31

Tell him to take his £67 out of what he owes you

Simple

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caringcarer · 21/11/2024 09:56

I'd ask him to leave if any of my DS's disrespect me like that. If I want a job or heavy lifting done my DS is straight around to do it. He help his stepdad out too.

betterangels · 21/11/2024 10:01

Use some of the money he pays you to get someone in to help. Seriously.

And set up a payment plan for the loan. Selfish fucker.

anythinginapinch · 21/11/2024 10:45

He's not paying you a penny tho is he - he's simply banking his money with you for you to give him back later on.

MakemyTeaPlease · 21/11/2024 10:47

He knows I'm saving his digs for him. I don't ask for the loans back.

Why have you done this? You’ve deliberately set yourself up to be financially exploited.

TravelInsuranceQ · 21/11/2024 11:09

You're enabling him, he's a future cocklodger in training.....

isthewashingdryyet · 21/11/2024 11:31

Blimey, you have indeed raised a cocklodger.

And as no sensible woman wants one of these, i guess you now have him for life.

Pancakeflipper · 21/11/2024 11:35

Say "are you joking?"
If he says he isn't, up his monthly rent by £67 (and permanently each month, not a one off).

GiraffeTree · 21/11/2024 11:36

That is very cheeky of him. I agree with saying yes and then taking the £67 out of the amount he owes you.

Daschund · 21/11/2024 11:38

Seriously, this is a you problem. Imagine when he really has to pay his own way? I saved DS's 'digs' but he never knew and certainly wouldn't have charged me to clear the gutters of a house he lived in.

MissyB1 · 21/11/2024 11:41

So OP why are you putting up with it? Sit him down and tell him in the same way you've told us. Tell him how hurtful his selfish behaviour is, and that if he doesn't start helping with jobs in the house you won't be saving his rent money anymore, you will use it to pay someone else to help you.

IAmNeverThePerson · 21/11/2024 11:53

Does he help out at all?

coffeesaveslives · 21/11/2024 11:56

Tell him to move out 🤷‍♀️

BobbyBiscuits · 21/11/2024 11:59

It's a very precise amount?! Tbh I'd pay him. Just because it's dangerous and an actual professional would charge more. And it needs doing. But you should tell him if he can't do chores then then rent goes up.
I hope he obviously cooks his own food, cleans his own bathroom and living area, does own laundry. Those aren't chores that's just basic tasks he can't get away from.
But you'll need to pay a cleaner or gutter man or whatever in future if he refuses.
He might change his mind then!

betterangels · 21/11/2024 12:11

If she pays him to help out in a house he lives in as an adult, she might as well get positioned for him to walk all over.

It'll be cheaper all around for her to pay a professional.

MyOpalViewer · 21/11/2024 14:09

this will likely be the tip of the ice berg of many issues and years of difficult relations

Interactions like this doesn’t just suddenly happen.

November2024 · 21/11/2024 14:10

How old is he?

Rickrolypoly · 21/11/2024 14:16

BobbyBiscuits · 21/11/2024 11:59

It's a very precise amount?! Tbh I'd pay him. Just because it's dangerous and an actual professional would charge more. And it needs doing. But you should tell him if he can't do chores then then rent goes up.
I hope he obviously cooks his own food, cleans his own bathroom and living area, does own laundry. Those aren't chores that's just basic tasks he can't get away from.
But you'll need to pay a cleaner or gutter man or whatever in future if he refuses.
He might change his mind then!

Pay him?? for cleaning the gutters in the house he live in. Jesus wept.

OP it must be really disappointing to realise you've raised such a selfish man. I would tell him to move out if he is not willing to pull his weight in the house he lives in. The fact that he would sit back and watch the woman who raised him painting the whole house alone and not offer to help is just awful.
And btw, if he is handing you money for "digs" but he knows full well that it is just going into a savings pot for him then he is not even contributing financially. So he is happy, as a grown man to live off his mother and watch her do everything around the house without helping. Seriously, what a disappointment.

BeMintBee · 21/11/2024 14:20

So he doesn’t actually pet any rent? Give him what you’ve saved so far and send him on his way.

My adult ds is pretty unhelpful around the house but if he’s hoping his rent money is going to be presented to him as a lump sum on his moving out day he’s in for a big disappointment 🤣

Singleandproud · 21/11/2024 14:24

So he is paying just £55 a week and expects to get it all back? It's one thing for him to pay keep and for you to use some for expenses and the rest as a gift you give back - but you don't tell him until you give the gift.

He should open a LISA, you should charge him atleast £400 a month and perhaps, maybe, put any excess into his LISA at the end of the month if you do t have a better use for it. ^^

You gave raised him to be ungrateful and to treat you poorly and aren't doing him any favours because he isn't learning and financial skills.

Bananalanacake · 21/11/2024 14:28

If you don't ask for the loans back they're not loans but gifts. Have you kept track of exactly how much he owes you in these 'loans'.

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 21/11/2024 14:35

'Digs cover everything, including food.'

But it covers nothing because you're choosing to save it for him?

Is he a fully functional man, a feminist, fully contributing to the running of the house, chores, cooking etc? If not, he needs to live independently. I'm sure he can save his own money.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 21/11/2024 14:45

You are doing your son no favours at all. It's time for him to either pull his weight or ship out.