Do people actually care?

[Notagooddaytoday]

Hello
Sorry for odd title but I don't quite know how to express what I mean in a clear way.
Having a bad time with depression at the moment. I find I have a great few weeks and feel on top of the world then bam I wake up one day suddenly feeling horrendous. Today is that day. I was just thinking this morning about when you see on Facebook how people share platitudes such as 'my inbox is always open' and 'it's good to talk' and the like. Do you think they genuinely mean this or is it just something to say to sound like they want to appear kind. Do you think of I messaged any of the people on my friends list and said I'm struggling what would they reply? Would I just get told to pull myself together? Do they actually care in reality? I don't think I would ever reach out in this way as I'm a very private person but I was just curious to know what would actually happen. I'm actually embarrassed at how I feel although I know I shouldn't be. Sorry to offload here I just had to get a few thoughts out. Thank you

I'm so sorry

I've seen it so many times too, they either disappear or do the minimum. It's so very weird.. the time when you need people the most. It is NOT like you see in the films or tv series, yet another lie like disney princes.

But an unexpected bonus is people you thought were acquaintances can end up going the extra effort with support and they become closer friends.

Same, so many times the closer people disappear and the acquaintances step up. I don't know what it is.. maybe they feel they can be so supportive because they're not expected to be? Or it's just the people who have been through shit things themselves?

This worked for me in a similar position:

I created a fb Messenger group of a handful of people who I felt I knew well enough to ask for help. I then asked for help, which was the hard bit.
The response I got was overwhelming. Some people will want to see you, others will give advice. It made me feel less alone. I think it was a combination of being asked directly, and that other people could see that they had been asked!

One bit of wisdom that made me smile when I was low is: Remember, this too shall pass. Maybe like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

I think a lot of that is being seen to be helpful in front of other people, peer pressure etc. BUT it's great it worked for you, I have a woman group and they are very supportive as a collective
It also means it's not all on one friend which might be overwhelming for them.

No, it’s not anything that would be upsetting or triggering for her, she just doesn’t want to know and doesn’t care about what we are going through.

I do think people care, yes.

However, I also think we need to be realistic about what lay people can actually help with in regards to mental health.

Can they offer a listening ear, maybe a chat, meet for a coffee, be a friend?- absolutely yes.

Are they equipped to deal with serious trauma, serious suicidal ideation or chronic depression- absolutely not.

There is a very important difference between those two things- expecting friends to act like friends is completely reasonable.

Expecting friends to act like therapists is unreasonable.

I care about my friends. However, I dont post those platitude things because I think they're just virtue signalling and a bit wanky.

My friends know I am there for them in times of crisis and I have been, many times. I'm afraid I wouldnt be answering the phone at 4am however, I am not a rational or calm person when I havent had adequate sleep so probably best not to seek advice from me then 😂

Hello
Not sure if anyone is around on this thread still but just wanted to ask if anyone has ever called the Samaritans? I really feel I need to but a bit anxious to call. Struggling tonight a bit if I'm honest. If you have called them, what was your experience if you don't mind sharing? Thanks

Hi- I've not called them myself but I don't think there's anything to lose by trying them. I hope you're ok

Sadly, I think this might be right.