Regret talking to neighbours about noise

[Neverlikedwatermuch]

We moved into our new house and our next door neighbours are very heavy handed. They slam doors constantly, I have no idea what they do but it sounds like they run around shutting doors then opening them and repeat. They have bare floorboards throughout and when they’re running around it echos so much it sounds like they are in the room with us. Every day things like hoovering and washing up are so loud and forceful it almost seems like a performance. They are doing DIY at least 3 times a week until late evening. They’ve even mowed their lawn in the dark at 9pm.
They have huge family gatherings several times a week and the noise is comparable to a nightclub. It’s just two adults (roughly late 40s) who live there, no children or pets but it feels like a house share for us.
The door slamming really started to affect us and wakes our children during the night so DH spoke to them as that’s what’s bothered us most and it did stop, for two weeks. several of their relatives refused to be quiet because they were here first (yes really!) so we had intImidating men standing near our wall watching us and slamming the front door over and over for a reaction.
They tried to deny any noise at first then confessed they are loud as it’s just how they live in their culture.
They have began making noises again but very clearly on purpose. I now wish we didn’t say anything because any noise we make eg dropping something which makes a thud, baby crying, they slam a door or thump the wall. It’s making me so anxious that I’m really careful about what I do so they can’t accuse us of anything. I find myself panicking if any of my children make loud noise because I know a retaliation is coming. (My 2 year old loves throwing at the moment and often throws toys at the shared wall before I can stop him).
Im angry they have ruined our dream forever home for us and that I’m living in fear of my children being normal children all to keep the peace. I didn’t want to have neighbour issues and hoped to be friends but now it feels like there will be tit for tat when we’re making normal every day noise vs their unnecessary deliberate noise. I don’t want to tiptoe around, I never asked for silence just to stop slamming doors.
I’ve already looked into environmental health and they won’t support us with this as door slamming isn’t seen as a noise nuisance apparently.
I don’t want to move house again as we love it here.
Has anyone had similar neighbours and how did you resolve it? Why do couples buy huge houses anyway then complain that children live next door!?

Move. Honestly. This will only get worse.

we had intImidating men standing near our wall watching us and slamming the front door over and over for a reaction.
They sound like scumbags. Environmental health should help if they are doing it on purpose. Could you put cameras in to film and record them doing it?

I wouldn’t be happy with that situation, sorry you’re going through it. Keeping peace with the neighbours is so so important, but they sound unreasonable. We have loud neighbours, adults are loud, kids are loud. But they are ‘normal’ and friendly so we won’t say anything. It’s nearly anywhere as bad as what you’ve had to put up with.

You said they referred to their culture being loud. Which culture is this?

Thanks for the replies, I’m glad it’s not just me thinking they’re unreasonable. The childishness is unreal.
They are an Indian couple but I don’t know what they meant by the culture comment, it felt like a dig at us or maybe even a warning. I know of Indian families who are respectful and quiet but I guess bad people will always find an excuse for their behaviour.

Have you looked into sound proofing?

You have my every sympathy.

TBH - I would take the financial hit and move.

I am always aware of being potentially in this situation. It’s the worst case scenario.

Majority of people are considerate.

Yeah definitely not an Indian thing, big families yes but usually very respectful and polite, these guys are just trying to excuse their bad behaviour I think. I had neighbours like this and reported them, as did others, a lot. Eventually they moved, I was on edge constantly waiting for them to do something.

Neighbour noise is difficult, weve been very unlucky over the years and dream is to one day own a detached if possible.

In two properties we've had blasting music which was a nightmare.

In current property we have an elderly couple next to us. Party walls are on the living room and our master bedroom. Ive now worn earplugs every night for about 7 years. They are nearly 80 but go to bed at 1am every single night, lots of opening and closing drawers and wardrobes from midnight until they get into bed and then its mumble mumble chit chat for about an hour and it wakes me up as we sleep 10.30pm-6.30am....goodness knows what theyve got to talk about after being with each other all day at home.

The walls are thin and i can hear them coughing clearly.

For some reason they also seem to come to life about 8 or 9pm banging about and sometimes hoovering etc which is bedtime hour in our house for kids so its been frustrating.

If you can move Id move, and consider bedroom location if attached or buy detached if possible.

You clearly don't love it there. You have to move it's not going to get better.

I feel very sorry for you, it's awful when you can't relax in your home. If it's a big house could you downsize to a smaller detached with a view to extend in future?
I know it's your dream house but it won't be for much longer if things carry on as they are.
I'm surprised your neighbours are so horrible, I have an Indian friend, she's so respectable, she'd never act like them or allow people to intimate her neighbours. I imagined Indian people were good mannered like her. I suppose there's always the exception.

Not that it’s helpful to your situation but is it possible that the doors slam shut themselves rather than them doing it? In our first home, the living room would slam shut if a door stop wasn’t on and it would drive me nuts, whereas DH didn’t even flinch at the sound of the door closing. Sounds like they need something to soften the noise, but not sure how willing they are to do that.

@ThunderLeaf
Oh my goodness I sympathise! We had an elderly couple attached to us, lovely couple but both deaf so the tv was on very loud ALL THE TIME!!! Also they had a speaker attached to the party wall! We had to speak to them as soon as we moved in as DC couldn't get to sleep because of the loud tv. They were very apologetic, didn't realise because the woman we bought from was stone deaf!
5 years ago the lady was alone after her husband died and she became ill and had to go into a home. I was worried who would move in and it turned out to be a family with 2 children and a dog. What a revelation. We've never heard the tv or music, rarely hear a voice (muffled), it's so much quieter than the old couple. Never hear the dog. As we get older I'm paranoid about making sure we aren't too noisy for our nice neighbours!

I'm sorry you're dealing with this OP. Neighbour issues can cause real distress. We moved due to awful neighbours 7 years ago, so I sympathise.

If you really don't want to move, can you invest in sound proofing? There are companies that will come out and assess your situation. I've been investigating them for my daughter who has moved into a lovely victorian semi, but the walls are paper thin (I thought it was new builds with thin walls!). Her problem is just normal noise but it's really intrusive. The neighbours son is a gamer and they can hear him clearly until the small hours. It's not a cheap solution but it could really help.

I sympathise, I do but…

you’ve said that child often throws toys at the wall and you would like them to be able to make ‘normal’ child noise without retaliation so you might not be the quietest neighbours either. They may think you are being cheeky asking them to be quiet if you generate a fair amount of noise yourselves.

You need to move before it gets worse.

OP I had exactly this problem with neighbours some years ago. Council (environmental health) tried to fob me off and I got nowhere with them until I obtained very inexpensive advice from a firm called Sanctum Consultants. They have a website. What you are suffering is a noise nuisance, there are laws and you can use them, most often without going to court. Sanctum will tell you exactly what to do. I am not linked with them in any way except as a past client. DM me if you want.

You complained about normal living noises. You don't know that they are actually slamming doors. If you can hear them hoovering and washing up then it's a soundproofing issue as apposed to deliberate and malicious noise. If this is your forever home you need to look into soundproofing the party wall.

People trying to intimidate you is unacceptable. But, are they really because you've suggested that they hoover and wash up performatively?

Personally, I hink you need to look for soundproofing and live your life. Don't restrict yourself or your kid. If they bang on purpose ignore them. Once your soundproofing is done you won't hear them.

I complained about my neighbours noise. They actually still don't talk to us. They were playing the drums until 2.30 am. Waking up and playing the guitar at 6am. Playing the piano in the early hours. Keeping my kids awake. TBH I can hear them talking, watching TV ect. I only claimed about the blatantly antisocial stuff after 11pm.

Thanks for all the replies, the house is actually already soundproofed which can tell you just how loud they are! As their house is open plan and very bare without carpets or much furniture it echos constantly, we can hear them talk, use the toilet etc etc but we’re not petty and wouldn’t ask them to stop living normally, all we’ve asked is to stop slamming doors which they’ve admitted to doing.
We’re a quiet respectful family, yes we have children who play/cry/scream but so do all children. I keep them busy and we go out a lot, it’s never late at night or early mornings as they sleep well, it’s the same as any other family and I’d expect them to be understanding of that in the same way we are towards their family parties.
Plus they chose to buy a large semi detached knowing its 99% likely their new neighbours would have children as couples tend to buy flats or smaller houses ime so comparing children to intentional slamming isn’t a fair argument.

Honestly OP, you need to get a professional company to sort your sound proofing. Just like light, sound leaks, so if the sound proofing isn't done well, sound will leak through, just like light around a curtain.

@Neverlikedwatermuch Could the soundproofing in your house be improved upon? It doesn't sound very effective to be honest.

It does sound though, that a lot of the noise from next door is normal living noises - and from what you say, they will also hear the children a fair bit, if toys are being thrown against a wall like you say. Wooden floors and not a lot of furniture will Always sound very loud when people are just walking around. The door slamming sounds unreasonable, but again, it may be just closing the doors a bit noisily rather than actually slamming them

You have not many choices here. Maybe you should move again, if you can afford to, because it doesn't sound like things will get any better. But now you may need to tell any buyers, if you were to sell, that you have had problems with the neighbours which might make it difficult to sell

Alternatively, just go about your business, including letting the kids be kids ( within reason) and be polite to the neighbours when you see them and hope things settle down?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've had shit neighbours more than once and it honestly ruins your life.

I have amazing neighbours who are moving next month, I've already cancelled plans to book holidays next year and save as much as I can in case I need to sell up and fuck off once the new ones move in. I'll take the hit whatever it costs.

Cunts.

It’s not about whether it’s kids crying and screaming and throwing things against the wall, or doors banging which is worse/acceptable.

Noise is noise. Not so much people in glass houses, but people whose kids throw things against the wall probably shouldn’t complain.

I do think it was petty of their visitors to slam the front door though. I would have lost my shit at that point, and then we would really have an interesting ongoing relationship 😖Good job we’re detached, probably.

Not got any advice OP,just my sympathy as they sound just like my ex-neighbours. Such a happy day when they finally moved.