Regret talking to neighbours about noise

[Neverlikedwatermuch]

We moved into our new house and our next door neighbours are very heavy handed. They slam doors constantly, I have no idea what they do but it sounds like they run around shutting doors then opening them and repeat. They have bare floorboards throughout and when they’re running around it echos so much it sounds like they are in the room with us. Every day things like hoovering and washing up are so loud and forceful it almost seems like a performance. They are doing DIY at least 3 times a week until late evening. They’ve even mowed their lawn in the dark at 9pm.
They have huge family gatherings several times a week and the noise is comparable to a nightclub. It’s just two adults (roughly late 40s) who live there, no children or pets but it feels like a house share for us.
The door slamming really started to affect us and wakes our children during the night so DH spoke to them as that’s what’s bothered us most and it did stop, for two weeks. several of their relatives refused to be quiet because they were here first (yes really!) so we had intImidating men standing near our wall watching us and slamming the front door over and over for a reaction.
They tried to deny any noise at first then confessed they are loud as it’s just how they live in their culture.
They have began making noises again but very clearly on purpose. I now wish we didn’t say anything because any noise we make eg dropping something which makes a thud, baby crying, they slam a door or thump the wall. It’s making me so anxious that I’m really careful about what I do so they can’t accuse us of anything. I find myself panicking if any of my children make loud noise because I know a retaliation is coming. (My 2 year old loves throwing at the moment and often throws toys at the shared wall before I can stop him).
Im angry they have ruined our dream forever home for us and that I’m living in fear of my children being normal children all to keep the peace. I didn’t want to have neighbour issues and hoped to be friends but now it feels like there will be tit for tat when we’re making normal every day noise vs their unnecessary deliberate noise. I don’t want to tiptoe around, I never asked for silence just to stop slamming doors.
I’ve already looked into environmental health and they won’t support us with this as door slamming isn’t seen as a noise nuisance apparently.
I don’t want to move house again as we love it here.
Has anyone had similar neighbours and how did you resolve it? Why do couples buy huge houses anyway then complain that children live next door!?

That is really awful, you must be on tenderhooks all the time.
It is not true about culture either. Any Indian neighbours we have had have been extremely respectful about noise, even when having family get togethers and probably a lot quieter than we are.

Did they ever complain about your child noise first? Or have only commented on it now that you've raised an issue with them?

Jesus 🤦‍♀️ It was once, a 2 year old throwing toys during a tantrum, I apologised for any noise my kids may make but it’s not intentional. They said it’s fine. Their noise is intentional, and at anti social hours, they have admitted this. So yes there is a difference. Intentional noise vs every day noise.

Only now they have decided to make issues if they hear normal every day noises, like the baby crying or whatever, but they claimed they didn’t hear before due to ‘how loud their culture is’. They are basically retaliating ie sulking because we called them out.

Well this is the thing, you say something dropping on the floor, a baby crying even hoovering you can hear from them and you fear they can hear you. They obviously always could, so that's your house set up. It's annoying but that's like in some semi detaches. They probably feel like...we haven't complained about what you're doing, so why are you complaining a about me .

I too am in a semi detached and my neighbor complained about me and my family, doing diy...child noise...literally life noise.

I never complained about the fact that u could hear her waking/going to work/ slamming her front door every morning because she worked super early, though it woke me. I just accepted that's her life noise and I'd get used to it..

I know some people are super sensitive to noise and that's unfortunate but...life is noise...some people have noiser and more frequent guests over...some ppl are deaf and have their tv very loud (like my old neigbour)..some ppl get prostitutes ever xmas like my other neighbor (i've had it all lol) and I've come to accept, if you don't like it, you have to save up and move to a farm house in the middle of nowhere. You saying anything about it is unlikely to make anyone change their lifestyle.

No, you said he often throws things at the shared wall before you stop him. It’s in your first post. You also said they scream (why? Mine never did) and cry.

Mind you, you also said that couples shouldn’t buy larger houses, so there’s that too 😂

I won’t even comment on the culture aspect, utterly bizarre.

Good for you, one of mine screams and throws tantrums, most children do make noise, are yours robots or something?

thanks to all those who offered advice and sympathy, I’m going to have a chat with them and see if we can find an arrangement that keeps the peace.
I’m not making my children silent or scared to play and laugh. I posted about them intentionally slamming doors which they confessed, I’ve never complained or mentioned the other noises to them, they were examples of how loud they are doing normal things so I’m not accused of sensitive hearing or exaggeration. I don’t expect silence just for them to stop slamming doors and waking my children, it’s not a big ask. We hear their parties and piss ups until 3am, and never say a thing. Yet they want to be petty and it’s somehow my fault.
It’s a shame that some people on here always find a way to blame the OP instead of offering advice or just believing the facts - you make noise so it’s ok they slam doors, how dare your children play and disturb the neighbours when they aren’t slamming doors intentionally, I can’t believe you bought a family sized home and live normally when an innocent couple are next door and need silence, how did you struggle to mind read your child would throw a book at the wall whilst you were breastfeeding and couldn’t get there quick enough.. unbelievable.

What kind of arrangement do you have in mind?

I've not read the full thread but I dont think you mentioned previously about 3am parties. That is different to household noise like doors slamming.

As I've said we have been unlucky with neighbours in the past and currently I've been wearing earplugs since moving to this current house as older neighbours go to bed at 1am and there slamming of drawers and opening sliding wardrobes wakes me up. Husband is able to sleep through it though.

Even the other night the washing machine was finishing up at 11.40pm. Theyve had all day but like I say they seem to come to life about 8pm, every single night, hardly hear a peep during the day. Its very difficult when buildings dont have good noise insulation, I do sympathise.

The facts are you are there just now, you can't move tomorrow.

Them waking your kids up is annoying you. How many times have your kids actually woken though?

Can you give your kids the rooms furthest away from them and off the party walls?

Can you play bedtime music on an alexa or other device in their rooms?

During the day so you are not so vigilant for noise can you pop a few alexas around your house and play music volume 1 with the everywhere group command, "Alexa volume 1 on the everywhere group", then "Alexa play my favourite songs on the everywhere group", just to take the edge off a bit.

Unfortunately it really is a rubbish situation but you need to be careful not to make it worse.

In the past before kids, if parties went on until 3am, I put "Foo Fighters - the pretender", on full blast from early 7/8am, for about an hour and then switched off. A warning shot if you will. And had it on repeat. Not that that is helpful to your current situation with kids I know.

I picked up on this too. A change of story.

I'm also picking up on cultural superiority. You and your family can make as much noise as you like, including throwing toys at their wall (more than once, you said your DC is at the stage of doing this), but their noise is unreasonable.

Are you upset that Indians can also live in nice, big houses and your DH going round to 'sort them out' didn't quite work? Now you see them by your fence and you feel intimidated 🤔

This is why I only buy detached houses (although you still get problem neighbours, but at least you can't hear them most of the time).