Inventive cooking methods. Not dishwasher salmon but what's your best cuisine in extermis triumph?

[KnopkaPixie]

Unless you have ever made dishwasher salmon, of course. I haven’t got an oven at the moment and I managed to make a proper layered lasagne with béchamel that went brown on top in a deep frying pan with a lid.

Camping? Holiday flat? That sort of thing.

I knew someone at uni who professed to being able to fry an egg on a light bulb. I'm not sure how true that was. Part of me wants to try, but having been electrocuted by touching a bulb, I'm not sure I have it in me!

I can imagine ironing might be quite good for bacon.

I read an article once about cooking on a car engine under the bonnet. Apparently in early days they even had accessories for, say, holding a kettle of stew.

Bedtime, but now following Pam on Insta.

I don't have insta. I just watch a bit of Pam on youtube whenever I need my ass whoopin'
I didn't know she did instagram. But Pam would have her eyes everywhere to keep us from our backslidin'

I recall that the Girl Guide Handbook in the '60s/'70s had a section about cooking an egg on a safety pin...

Corby trouser press cooking has me imagining Alan partridge in his travel lodge !
I need to go and check this Pam out , the floating on a freezer carcass down the Mississippi has me
Intrigued ha ha

This thread is perfectly timed for me thankyou @KnopkaPixie.
My prepayment gas meter has decided to have a hissy fit and not work so despite several hour+ calls to fecking Eon I have had no gas since Sunday.
This means no cooking washing or heating facilities.

So if anyone can send me any ideas on how to 'cook ' anything with umm no heat I'd be grateful.
I do not have a dishwasher, toaster, microwave, kettle , car engine, hot plate , air fryer .
Any ideas ?

wow, what a great thread. Has anyone boiled an egg in a kettle? Specifically a travel kettle a la Premier Inn? It seems like an obvious trick, but with slight fear of ending up with an eggy kettle. Other Premier Inn travel kettle meals welcome.

oh dear, @ScottBakula that sounds impossible! I hope Eon pull their finger out and sort you out soon...

On the cooking salmon in the dishwasher: If I recall correctly, this was one topic tackled by Ann Reardon, on "How to cook that" on YouTube (would highly recommend her other videos also).

The upshot was, iirc, that the salmon could not reach a high enough temperature internally and it was not actually safe.

On personal memories of cooking in extremis, well not very exciting, but several decades back spent quite some time in China, living in an apartment that had the normal cooking equipment of the time. This meant a one ring burner hooked up to a gas cylinder, a built in traditional stove where you burnt round coal briquettes, and a rice cooker. The catch was that both gas and coal still required ration cards to purchase, and as a foreigner I couldn't get them. Cue cooking everything in the rice cooker. Lots of stewed things, and lots of cooking rice, placing a bowl with protein/veg on top of the rice and steaming that, but it did get pretty tedious.
Later came across a recipe book on how to be creative and cook full meals in a rice cooker. I did not buy it.

When I was a teenager working at stables we used to put cans of soup into the middle of the muck heap to warm them up.

Not a recommendation.

You can microwave bacon between sheets of kitchen paper and somehow it goes crispy...my friend used to run a pub in the 80's and this was their go to method

I haven't tried it but lots of videos on youtube on how to cook an egg over candles.

Hope your gas situation sorts out soon.

Oh, sorry to hear that. No clever ideas, I'm afraid. Apart from that there's a tme for conventional DIY and time for enlightened DIY which is Don't Involve Yourself.

Saïd at the kebab shop across the road is my man in these situations. Only he calls them Nomadic Sandwiches because he is a bit of a snob.

Whole turnip (ok swede to the non Scots) in the microwave for 30mins, takes all the hassle out of an otherwise nightmare to prepare veg.

https://www.foodiequine.co.uk/2015/03/singing-swede-humble-neep-swede-or.html

And I’ve boiled eggs in the kettle 👍

If you have a breadmaker, you can use your breadmaker pan on the bake only setting for heating up small items.

Thank you all for your sympathys .
The gas engineer has been here since about 9am to fix my meter but admitted defeat after a hour so now is fitting a smart meter ( which I don't want )
@Breathmiller , I have got a tin of tomatoe soup sat on a little stand with 2 nightlight candles under it , it's been there gor half a hr and is just about like warm but it's getting there .
@KnopkaPixie unfortunately my kebab shop isn't open on Sunday and Mondays or I would of been there like a shot.
I love the nomadic sandwich name , mine has a description like
The easy to eat , the messy one, you will need a fork. 😄

You can make pancakes in a toastie maker. We used to have a local cafe that specialised in them!

I'm afraid to ask what is it...😬

Baked beans on a woodfired bbq.

That was made out of half a 45 gallon drum.

My dp once produced a roast dinner for 12 on two barbecues in a storm. I reckon he wins!

You wrap a whole salmon in foil about 3 times to make it absolutely watertight. Put herbs and lemon slices in the cavity to your taste. Pop the whole thing on the top shelf of a dishwasher and run it overnight.

There you are, a perfectly cooked whole salmon ready for buffets or large get togethers. It works a treat and we've done it lots of times.

Toilet paper tuna

I haven't tried it but basically you stick some toilet paper in a tin of oil-packed tuna (not water) and set it alight, resulting in a hot smoky tuna.