Husband doesn't like my friends

[hopeishere]

How do you handle it if your husband doesn't like your friends. But they like him.

My husband doesn't really like my friends (thinks they're champagne socialists / they have different political views). I love to see them but am on edge the whole time.

My DH is a bit like this - they're definitely my friends rather than our friends and he thinks a lot of them are a bit much and/or insufferable. But he's polite to them because he knows they mean a lot to me and they really care about me (and him, by association). They all like him but just accept he's a bit introverted and they only really have me in common. He doesn't do conflict though so tends to keep away or keep conversation really light if they come over (how's work, how was your journey) and leaves us to it. He doesn't agree with their politics, life decisions, partners, careers - but he just bites his tongue because they're not going anywhere and neither is he, so it doesn't make any sense to have a go at them. He's definitely got better over the years, but they'll never really be friends and I think that's fine. 😊

I think a gentle conversation with your DH would be reasonable just explaining they're important to you and they care about both of you, and how uncomfortable you feel if he's hostile towards them. (I think it's helpful to accept they will probably never be friends.) You shouldn't feel you have to choose between them or like you're balancing or managing a situation - they're all adults and if he can't say anything nice, he shouldn't say anything at all. Hope it gets better for you ❤️

Do you spend forever on your whatsapp groups yapping shit to the sisterhood? If so, cant blame him.

@OoohMeGrapes no and that's a weird thing to say

@OptimisticRealist2024 he's not hostile to them it more he sees them as an obligation. He's pleasant to their face. They're opinionated and I think he feels no one listens to him when he talks.

@OoohMeGrapes Why is women communicating to their friends reduced to ‘yapping shit’? Are women not supposed to chat to their friends? Stupid sexist nonsense.

OP - it’s fine your DP doesn’t like your friends as long as he doesn’t stop you seeing them or make them uncomfortable. I find it a bit odd that he doesn’t like any of your friends to be honest (surely they aren’t all the same?!) and could be a bit of a red flag but would need more context.

I had an ex boyfriend who couldn't stand my best friend he had no reason just he ' hated her'
One of the biggest reasons he's an ex.
He was so vile the things he would say , wished her dead and allsorts.
If I met up for a coffee he would ignore me for days on end. For around 5m I kept it from him whenever I saw her. Because it wasn't worth the hassle.
I then did say I was going out with her as her dm died he he said it was a shame she didn't die too.
The next time I saw him was his 40th birthday. I dumped his 40 year old ass and never spoke again.

Are they obliged to 'listen to him' beyond the usual pleasantries?

I don't particularly like my DH's friends and he probably feels the same about mine although he gets on okay with my best friend and her husband. It's not a big deal though, we just tend to socialise separately. He'll come to the odd thing but they're my friends, not his.

Go out without him?

Keep the couples stuff to the minimal. At the end of the day, your your friends, not his - keep it that way.

Well if you're out for dinner for example where it lasts three hours it's more than pleasantries that need covered.

Re a red flag I don't think so. I can see what irks him sometimes about them. No one's perfect!

He doesn't stop me seeing them.

Did the Twat Signal go up again?

Couldn’t care less if he liked them or not. Irrelevant and I don’t expect him to trail along every time I see friends.

Oh I see...you are all socialising together for the evening. That makes more sense.
He doesn't have to spend time going out or meeting up with them. There are no rules. He could just not.

Why does he need to spend any time with them to begin with?

DH never sees my friends.

I don’t understand what you mean. Why does he need to be there?

Why do your friends expect your DH to be there? Are they friends who always socialise as couples and therefore have a strong expectation that you and your DH will socialise as a couple?

If there's a "couples" dinner or drinks party or something.

Surely that isn’t every single time you see your friends though? I can’t quite see why it’s an issue really

Exactly. Do less of them is the answer. Keep to special occasions.

Do more things with them alone?

You what?

I think @OptimisticRealist2024, has some very sage advice and I can relate, absolutely, to what she says about her husband. The vast majority of my partner's friends are not people with whom I have anything in common - and, likewise, they probably find me too quiet and reserved as I am not prepared to join in with their drinking, gambling, general loudness, language, occasional weed smoking or topics of conversation which make me cringe. Yes, I probably sound judgemental, but my boundaries are my boundaries and I am not willing to compromise them, they are her friends, not mine, and I don't have to 'gel' with them, just because...
However, I am not 'hostile' towards them and keep conversation polite on the occasions when I do engage with them - it is a difficult balancing act!

What if you didn't have a partner to attend with ?

Dh doesn’t have much in common with my friends but is polite and shows interest when we go for dinner. He wouldn’t choose to socialise with them but has good manners.

But I do have a partner @itsmylife7 that's the point. I'm not saying single people can't do those things but in my circle if you have a partner you are frequently invited to stuff as a couple.