Nobody ever visits

[fedup33]

This year 2 people have been in my house. One a neighbour for about 5 minutes, the other a person from Age Uk. ( I am in that age bracket)

AC visit occasionaly too.
I wonder why and what to do about this.
I feel embarassed about the scruffy and tired nature of the place, its not set up for guests. Small rooms and so on.
I don't know where to start somehow.

Any thoughts appreciated, Thanks

Sorry to be a bit dozy but what is AC? Do you invite people or wait for them to come on their own accord?

Invite people?

That's the only way to fix this.

I think it's Adult Children?

@Spuddling AC = adult children is my guess

Yes, Maybe I could start small.

Start with a thorough clean.

Then make it cosy - warm, cushions, lamps etc.

Then invite someone for a cup of tea, then perhaps a meal?

Are you in any sort of activity group ? If not join one, see what's local to you for your age, maybe walking, bridge, tennis, anything really. Then once you've joined invite them back for afternoon tea and cakes.

Set up your main living room for this, so move junk out the way or have a clear out. Vacuum, dust and general tidy. Prepare or buy some nice cakes and the rest will follow.

My mum was sadly lonely towards the end of her life but would never invite people round. She always waited for them to just turn up. Or wait to be invited out.

Oh also prepare your downstairs toilet or bathroom. Provide a nice clean hand towel and soap for your guests.
Nice toilet paper as well.

Do you need to meet people in your home?

If so, then as others have said, start small and focus on one or two rooms that you would like people to sit in. Probably the living room and the kitchen. Clear surfaces and clean them. If the sofa or chair is a bit tatty, using a clean throw can help brighten the place (keep it clean and just use when people visit).

Once you feel it's clean enough, then start inviting people. People won't ask as it's seen to be rude, you have to invite them.

If you are mobile and can leave your home, do you have any local cafes or churches you can visit to meet people?

Do you invite people?

Who would you expect to visit though? If you AC do already do you have other family and friends that you invite but turn you down?
Do you plan visits with friends from groups who dont turn up?

Or do you not invite people in n the first place?
If they haven't been there how would they know it's small / scruffy in order to decline?

If you’re not inviting people to visit, it’s common sense surely that you won’t get visitors. Unless the issue is more that you don’t know who you’d invite? Or that you don’t want to while your home is untidy/scruffy?
I can’t help much with the former, but the latter is easily rectified with some elbow grease and determination.

Do you have any friends you haven't seen in a while ? If so, invite them around for morning coffee, 3 -4 people is good to keep the conversation flowing. One on one can be quite intense.
Are there any local comittees you could join, like your neighbourhood watch, then you could offer to host some meetings.

You could start or join a book group that meets at yours.

Do you need to have people in your home.
Apart from our children and grandchildren we do not have visitors.
It's not the state of our house, we both grew up in families that rarely had visitors.

Absolutely this . If you feel a whole house declutter is too much start with rooms for guests , Kitchen , lounge , bathroom . Good luck , small steps .

I would say invite people - around here people have street parties every few months or so where they invite rest of the street and its bring a dish with you though the host tends to put on some food and drinks as well. Currently it would be as a Christmas party though lots in January here as New Year's parties (but later than New Year).

Or just invite some people round for something like afternoon tea and put on sandwiches and cakes or similar. Or for Christmas could do more like mulled wine and mince pies. Doesn't matter too much what just invite people over.

I am an (adopted) only AC of a 90-odd year old mother. I tried very hard to have a relationship with her.. but she claims one of her friends "is making up her Parkinsons symptoms" just to annoy her; that I promised to move nearer to her so I could look after her (I never did and never would, she lives in God's waiting room and moved there when I had my first child having thrown me out of my childhood home when I was 17 ). She has always been like this: awkward, unkind, judgemental. My oldest cousin (now retired himself) moved into the same area and keeps an eye on her but when he visits she complains that he is making her house untidy (she has white carpets throughout, you can imagine how well that goes.). If you offer to make tea, she complains that her pristine kitchen is now a bombsite. It is impossible to relax in her house.

I wish that all three of my remaining elderly relatives (My mother, her brother and a sort of aunt) would all live together in one place so I COULD look after them. But they won't, because neither of the others could bear to live with my mother.

She has lots of "friends" , because the area she lives in has lots of amenities for older folk, but none of them ever visit her at home, because of how she is.
Gah.

I'm sure you're NOT like that OP, but I can imagine my mother writing a post like this .

What an interesting range of thoughts! I am indeed mobile.....a bit too mobile some days!
Things just start and before you know it, you are in a pattern with somebody eg always meet Sam in the local pub, always go round the park with James.

I feel as if there's information missing

you aren't inviting people?

mum has an 89 year old friend who is sad that no one drops in. It took us a while to get her to understand that people barely phone now, never mind drop in.

she still grumbles that I call and ask if it's okay to pop in but in my age group, it's lucky to even get a text!

anyway OP, you need to invite people. No one offers to drop by now.

even then I would say don't do too much prep because people cancel last minute too.

I'm 67, don't know if that helps. We had shift workers in the family so got out of the way of it. Neightbours are nod and smile ( well some), friends I tend to see out. Thanks

Can't you provide context, like, why do you wonder why you don't have visitors? Do you want people in your house, and why?

I only go to someone's house if I'm invited, and I'd really rather not. I never invite people to my house because I don't want visitors. 🤷‍♀️

Christmas is your ideal opportunity. Pick one of the boring days between Christmas and New Year and invite a couple of friends round. "It's been so busy when we've been out I though a quiet coffee at mine would be nice."

We need more actual information

I'm lost.