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Nobody ever visits

42 replies

fedup33 · 17/11/2024 11:15

This year 2 people have been in my house. One a neighbour for about 5 minutes, the other a person from Age Uk. ( I am in that age bracket)

AC visit occasionaly too.
I wonder why and what to do about this.
I feel embarassed about the scruffy and tired nature of the place, its not set up for guests. Small rooms and so on.
I don't know where to start somehow.

Any thoughts appreciated, Thanks

OP posts:
Macaroni46 · 17/11/2024 14:56

fedup33 · 17/11/2024 14:28

I'm 67, don't know if that helps. We had shift workers in the family so got out of the way of it. Neightbours are nod and smile ( well some), friends I tend to see out. Thanks

So invite friends to the house! Have a little tea party or coffee morning, or one of those charity coffee mornings. At 67 you are not old! You just need to be a bit proactive.

fedup33 · 17/11/2024 15:00

Sorry, I don't want to be rude but what more information is needed? At one time the house was busy and now it's not.

I suppose I feel a bit exposed and vulnerable with people maye? In a pub or walking there are distractions.

OP posts:
Normallynumb · 17/11/2024 15:12

Perhaps now is a good time to invite your friends to yours now the weather is colder and going out is expensive?
I was embarrassed about my flat as it's absolutely tiny( and housework is not easy!) but real friends just want your company not judge your house honestly.
I totally get the feeling vulnerable but I suggest invite the friend you feel most comfortable with and get the kettle on for hot drinks and biscuits
Any older furniture just put throws on, clean up the best you can( I do something every time I stand up, like wipe sides down or put something away.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

decorativecushions · 17/11/2024 15:22

OP, your updates aren't helping people to help you.

People have asked you questions which will help to provide more context to your post.

fedup33 · 17/11/2024 15:26

@decorativecushions Thanks I've said what I'm comfortable with. I'm 67, we were shift workers which may account for some degree of isolation. My adult family visit. I have friends who I tend to see out and about.The rooms are small. the furniture not great. It's not an area where people " pop in"

OP posts:
GiddyRobin · 17/11/2024 15:29

But are you inviting people, OP? Do you actually want people to come around? You say people don't pop in but then say it's not an area where they do. People keep asking you this.

So you'd need to invite them. If you'd like to redecorate, I'd do that first if you don't like how your home looks.

WhatNext24 · 17/11/2024 15:35

I don't think people care that much about furniture and room size, OP. Just make sure it is clean and tidy enough, maybe get some tea and biscuits in, some cheerful flowers or similar of you think it would help. The main thing is to actually invite people as very few will just drop in. Then when they come, make sure you are welcoming. As you say, you can start small and build from there. Is there anyone in particular you would like to have round?

FWIW my dad is in his 70s and says similar, but he almost never invites anyone over. On the odd occasion that he does, they always say yes.

lollypopsforme · 17/11/2024 15:46

As the years have gone on now its like you have to make appointment to see friends and family even calls with some.
However i think my family and friends still live in the 80s just turn up doors unlocked walk in.
No messaging to ask if your free for a call at such and such time just call.
Because life is short.

Autumnweddingguest · 17/11/2024 15:46

I would start by making some small steps to make it feel more inviting. Go and stand outside your front door and look at the house as a visitor might. Maybe sweep the step, repaint or clean the front door if needed, cut back any dead or overgrowing plants.

Make sure the hall is clean and tidy, its light is warm and fairly bright, and add very very subtle not overpowering welcoming scent - wipe dust from the radiator and add a dab of fabric conditioner or a drop of essential oil onto it. So if a neighbour turns up at the door you can invite them in, at least to the hallway and it feels like a welcoming place.

Pick one room that you want to be able to invite people into at any time without embarrassment. Might be the living room or the kitchen. Declutter it and deep clean it - polish windows, wipe dust from skirting boards, hire a rug doctor and steam clean the carpets, and wash the curtains and loose covers if you think the room smells a bit stale. Then add a couple of focal points, that draw the eye immediately as you come through the door and make it look inviting. A vase of fresh flowers or a plant on a side table with a lamp that has a warm, gentle glow, and a family photo in a frame. Maybe update cushions and throws for the sofa as a cheap way of making it look less shabby.

Get into the habit of doing small things that make the house feel welcoming and alive. Have upbeat or soothing music playing in the background, fill it with scents of fresh coffee, fresh baked bread or cakes, fresh flowers, clean laundry.

Then... invite people over. Make it very low key at first. Just ask a couple of friends in for coffee or family over for Sunday lunch. Maybe have a small neighbours' drinks or coffee morning. Offer to host a hobby group or local meeting occasionally. Ask a couple of friends over for dinner, or an old friend or family to stay for the weekend. Bit by bit, your home will feel welcoming and sociable again.

OMGsamesame · 17/11/2024 15:52

Large (or even not-small) rooms are not a prerequisite.

PP have given good ideas of things to check at home to make visitors comfortable (clean towel and soap in loo, etc).

Christmas is an ideal opportunity - would you invite a handful of people over for coffee and a mince pie, for example?
A book group is a great idea since they tend to rotate meeting at each member's house in turn.

fedup33 · 17/11/2024 15:54

@Autumnweddingguest , great ideas.

OP posts:
BackinBlack24 · 17/11/2024 15:59

People won't just turn up everyone is busy and time just runs away , make an effort invite people around for a cuppa . Give the place a good clean , hover etc . Maybe concentrate on one room at a time ? So maybe start where ever you would like to entertain guests

PurebredRacingUnicorn · 17/11/2024 16:08

You need to work out which people you actually want in your house, then invite them. Some will probably decline for various reasons e.g. lack of time, lack of transport, too much else going on-it's unlikely to be a personal rejection of you.

NewName24 · 17/11/2024 16:31

fedup33 · 17/11/2024 15:26

@decorativecushions Thanks I've said what I'm comfortable with. I'm 67, we were shift workers which may account for some degree of isolation. My adult family visit. I have friends who I tend to see out and about.The rooms are small. the furniture not great. It's not an area where people " pop in"

Sorry, I don't want to be rude but what more information is needed? At one time the house was busy and now it's not.

What we are all confused about, is what you are actually asking.

You are fit, healthy and mobile. Able to get out and about. You haven't said you are lonely.

I think what people are asking is what you are asking.

If you like having people in your home - as opposed to seeing them at things elsewhere - then you can invite them. Why does that need a thread?

If it is something else, then we need to have that explained to us if you want people to offer suggestions.

minipie · 17/11/2024 16:37

Is it that you used to have people popping over uninvited a lot, and you liked that, but now it doesn’t happen any more?

If so, I think it’s rare for people to pop over uninvited these days. I wouldn’t do it and tbh I wouldn’t like it if others did it to me (I might still be in PJs or right in the middle of something, or out).

If you want people over, invite them. For tea or coffee is fine.

Cm19841 · 17/11/2024 16:49

You need to invite guests if you would like them these days. People don't just pop in. It's not to do with your home, it's the invitation.

fedup33 · 17/11/2024 19:01

@NewName24 Maybe I was just canvasing opinion. Throwing a half formed idea out there? I think that's ok.

OP posts:
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