Please give me an idea of cost to attend a destination wedding?

[Stressedoutmumof2]

Stressing about finances. SIL getting married in Europe next year but we have really overstretched ourselves financially with a part house renovation and now DH’s work has taken a hit with COL etc. So we have cut right back, no luxuries, Netflix gone, jacket potatoes, beans on toast type of meals until things pick up again. We’ve got 2 kids 3 & 1 who have started nursery full time so I could get a job but I don’t earn that much more than the nursery fees so doesn’t hugely help us out financially in the short term. We are not in dire straits but we are being very careful to see how everything pans out with DH’s business at the minute.

SIL’s wedding is over three days and most people are going for the week. The issue I have is that I feel sick with how much it will cost us. I had a quick look at flights and it’s £1000 cheapest for all of us to get there. No luggage, no sitting together, no paying for the car to be parked, no kennels for the dog. Then we also would have to find accommodation, hire a car, insurance, some sort of spending money plus a gift … DH thinks we’ll be in a much better position by the beginning of summer next year but as things stand I’m struggling to justify paying so much out for someone else’s day. I want to send DH on his own but he is really digging his heels in. I can’t see us going (even just for the 3 nights) for under £3k but maybe I’m wrong. Anyone managed a destination wedding on the cheap and was it worth it?

You’re right. DH has always been the optimistic one where I like to think I am more realistic at times. I think the uncertainty is part of the problem for me. Not to mention that it’ll be extremely unfair to SIL to let her down last minute when she’s paid for us to attend so I’m conscious that a decision needs to be made sooner rather than later.

Flights don't go down so if are going book now

But look at diff airports

For example I live near Gatwick. Flights are costly but I do it

But I have looked and for me I could fly Luton and save few hundred

Yes would be an extra 1.5hrs drive each way but put into any Skyscanner and tick all airports and see what comes up.

Thank you, I hadn’t considered driving and getting a ferry over. Something I will look into actually so thanks.

Have you looked at package holidays close to the venue? It might be cheaper to go for a week with a package holiday company and get a taxi from your hotel to the wedding venue and back for the wedding day.

if you think of it as a family holiday with one day for your SIL, then £3k for a family holiday overseas isn’t all that bad.

Is it this coming summer so you have 6 months to save, or is it the summer after (2026) so you’ve got 18 months?

Where are you flying from? For example, greek islands for us are 4x the price in one local airport over another. I used Google flights and various configurations to get prices down for trips.

I would suspect that prices are likely to be higher than expected rather than lower. There are always the little extras.

That said, depending on the age of your 3 year old you might feel comfortable stretching a bit more if they're due to start school not long after you go.

Thank you, I hadn’t considered driving and getting a ferry over. Something I will look into actually so thanks

Rome2Rio (website) can show different options.

Just don't go...
A family member is having a second wedding celebration abroad and after pricing it up we realised it'd be over a grand for the flights alone, then hotels, food, travel, clothes etc (it's a glamorous place). Added to the fact that our kids are very small and very unlikely it would be child friendly - they have one child who's a bit older, and a nanny!
We just decided it'd be a massive pain and expense, and we didn't really want to go.

In my experience ferries tend to be more expensive than flights although if you drive the whole way (guessing Malta or Sicily or Ibiza) that could work out cheaper. But you’d need at least one nights accommodation that way so I’d just fly if I were you.

Any reason why they’ve chosen the destination wedding? Is the groom from there? Also why will it be 3k if the flights are 1k? Surely you can get cheaper accommodation than that for a couple of nights?

Could DH’s parents help out maybe by paying for your flights?

It does sound expensive but it also sounds like you really don’t want to go. 🤷‍♀️

Have a look on sky scanner for the flights, that will give you cheapest flights. You might need to fly very early or late to bring the price down which might not be fun with toddlers. Flight prices will go up as time goes on.

I would do a spreadsheet listing out everything you would need to pay for including kennels and food when you're out there so you have an exact figure. Holiday extras is good for cheap airport parking. But ultimately I'd try and push dh to go alone.

Not to mention that it’ll be extremely unfair to SIL to let her down last minute when she’s paid for us to attend
Explain a bit more. Who's paying: you-two or SIL?

Do you need to pay for the flight for the littlest? Will they still qualify for an under-2 discount?

I would just book for your H - say you will look later when finances are a little clearer - your H probably is loathe to be upfront that you can't afford it -

Both Ryanair and Jet2 let you pay for flights in instalments- could that work? And book accommodation you don't have to pay for until you're there.

I just mean for catering costs on the wedding day if they are paying per head which I think is what most weddings do now.

They will just be two (by a week!) by the time we go annoyingly.

Gave the same answer to a recent, similar question

People are perfectly at liberty to arrange a destination wedding but equally, people are perfectly at liberty not to attend for any reason (cost, time off work/school etc) and the B&G should accept that decision without comment whether it be friends or close family.
If they really wanted everyone there they would have chosen a location & date that was more likely to be achievable.

@MimiSunshine yep and this is why people suddenly realise they owe £20k on credit cards- it's this persons wedding, that persons stag night etc etc- i find all these events abroad unless the person is 'from there' and I can understand it then a bit more- incredibly selfish 'if ' there is an expectation that everyone just sucks it up and goes

If you cannot afford (does not sound like you can) don't go.When people go for destination weddings this is the risk they take.

Plan A where you all go for a week really does sound like it needs to be credit crunched.

Plan B is no one goes

Plan C compromise and your DH just goes for 3 days and you stay at home with the dc.

I just mean for catering costs on the wedding day if they are paying per head which I think is what most weddings do now.
Catering costs will be in the range of £100-200. That's chicken feed (no pun intended) compared to your £3,000
Besides which, she won't incur it if you don't turn up. Numbers of guests are only confirmed nearer the date.

If the ferry does not turn out to be an option, then say no and do so now.

A pity you have been put in this position, destination weddings are something that should be an exception. I can understand if someone has family at the destination, can support someone doing this so there is not a large guest list, but not for what could be the SILs reasons.

Can just you and DH go and children stay with a relative on your side. Give you two some adult time after a stressful year and cut the cost by 1/2

Just say no. No holiday is ever a holiday with tiny children for the parents. Throw in someone's timetabled wedding and it's an even more stressful time.

There's a point in your life pre kids when it would be a definite yes.
Then kids or career or whatever happens and destination weddings become a maybe or a if we can make this work or a no
Then at some mythical point a invite turns up and it will be a yes, what fun, no problem.
Sadly, at the moment, I think you are in the no stage. It won't be forever but just give your tiny kids and your budget a break and don't do destination weddings for a few years.

This - and surely if you got a job (as you should if struggling), then your wages can pay the fees freeing up your DH’s for other expenses/savings?

Sorry, posted too soon.

Can your DH go on his own? And share a room with his parents? That would be the cheapest way. So he can attend his sisters wedding.

Is car hire really necessary ? Just take a cab to hotel . You are not likely to be able to go off by yourselves. Maybe go for two days rather than all three . Maybe not as much spending money as you think as wedding day and possibly next day paid by couple .