Please give me an idea of cost to attend a destination wedding?

[Stressedoutmumof2]

Stressing about finances. SIL getting married in Europe next year but we have really overstretched ourselves financially with a part house renovation and now DH’s work has taken a hit with COL etc. So we have cut right back, no luxuries, Netflix gone, jacket potatoes, beans on toast type of meals until things pick up again. We’ve got 2 kids 3 & 1 who have started nursery full time so I could get a job but I don’t earn that much more than the nursery fees so doesn’t hugely help us out financially in the short term. We are not in dire straits but we are being very careful to see how everything pans out with DH’s business at the minute.

SIL’s wedding is over three days and most people are going for the week. The issue I have is that I feel sick with how much it will cost us. I had a quick look at flights and it’s £1000 cheapest for all of us to get there. No luggage, no sitting together, no paying for the car to be parked, no kennels for the dog. Then we also would have to find accommodation, hire a car, insurance, some sort of spending money plus a gift … DH thinks we’ll be in a much better position by the beginning of summer next year but as things stand I’m struggling to justify paying so much out for someone else’s day. I want to send DH on his own but he is really digging his heels in. I can’t see us going (even just for the 3 nights) for under £3k but maybe I’m wrong. Anyone managed a destination wedding on the cheap and was it worth it?

I'd be inclined to ask your SIL to help price it.

Then tell DH he needs to go alone to save the extra cost of you/the kids/kennels/parking etc.

It's not worth this level of stress. Say no. Stick to it. Everyone will cope.

If he wants to go and take the kids too, you need to make it work. It’s his sisters wedding.

You have a year to save the money.

Flights wont get cheaper so just book them. Worry about baggage and seat reservation costs later.

Accommodation is the best place to flex your costs. Have you looked at Airbnb?

It’s a bugger when people get married aboard as it is expensive - but for a family wedding I think you need to make it work.

£3k for 3 nights seems a lot if the flights are £1k.

My stepdaughter got married in Mauritius in 2017. It would have cost us around £5,000 to go - we couldn't afford it. Nowadays it would be closer to £10,000. It was a very expensive place!

If you can't afford to go then you shouldn't go. It was very painful for us not to be able to go, but it would have been even worse if we had gone and put ourselves into loads of debt that would have hung over us for years.

Is there really no cheaper way of getting there?
People are not going to be able to help you much without knowing a few more details- place, time of year…
I would do a lot to be at my sisters wedding so I can see how your DH feels. This is why I think destination weddings are stupid unless you come from that country.

"You need to make it work" , to clarify do you mean you two or OP? I read it as OP and found that unfair.

If he wants to go and take the kids too, you need to make it work. It’s his sisters wedding.

Nope, every bride and groom who chooses a destination wedding knows that some people will be unable to afford it.

That was their choice, not the OP's or her DH's.

This will very much depend on where the destination is but if flights are £1000 now then they aren't likely to come down in price. Likewise you should be able to get quotes for accommodation and car hire quite easily to give you an idea of cost. Airport parking really varies depending on time of year IME - I've paid £45 for a week but also been quoted £180 in the middle of the school holidays!
To be brutally honest though, if I was eating beans on toast for dinner to save money I wouldn't be throwing £1000's down the pan on a wedding even if it was family!

Why are you paying full-time nursery fees if you are not working?

Do one or the other!

I do have a job! Sorry, I don’t think it was clear in the OP but I meant kids are in nursery full time to enable me to work but both of those things have only happened recently.

Are you sure European destination flights will be £1K? Seems excessive- maybe the cheaper flights haven't been released yet if it's nearly a year away? If you let us know the country/nearest city, people here might be able to suggest cheaper ways. Could you do it as a package?

I'm puzzled about the nursery and work situation. You're not working but the children are in nursery full-time? Even if working didn't earn you much it would give you something from what you're saying. And would give you some financial independence. Or have the children in nursery less

For a sibling wedding I would try and make it work but if you have already cut all luxuries and on bean on toast meals already, I don't see how you can save much.

Alot depends on where the destination wedding is on if you can cut the cost down? Black Friday is about to come up and there are usually good deals on flights then or wait until the new year to book in the Jan sales. Sign up to holiday extras (they send offers for airport parking and car hire etc periodically). Look at if your bank account provides travel insurance for free (ours does)

We just did Australia for DH SIL wedding. It was a year of hard saving but we managed to come back with only a little on credit cards. Flights alone were nearly £5k with the seat allocations etc.

I would just have your husband go

It’s £250 per person which is fine if you are going solo but adds up when including the toddlers. I feel a bit reluctant to name the place in case my SIL sees this but it’s a European island with only one airport.

@LisaJohnsonsFacebookMole they as a family need to try to make it work.

Her DH thinks it’s going to be manageable, it’s OP who says she doesn’t think it will be. So there’s disagreement on if it’s possible or not.

Missing your own sisters wedding is a huge deal, and the DH doesn’t want to do that.

no luxuries, Netflix gone, jacket potatoes, beans on toast type of meals until things pick up again

OP has taken off Netflix as a luxury £6 a month? thats not going to cover flights or anything else

@Stressedoutmumof2 We’ve got 2 kids 3 & 1 who have started nursery full time so I could get a job but I don’t earn that much more than the nursery fees so doesn’t hugely help us out financially in the short term
So you dont work? or you do work?

How far into Europe is it, and would driving be an option? You can get LeShuttle tickets with tesco club card points (x2) and it could end up much cheaper than flying. As an example, we've driven down to the Alps (and back!) for £500 petrol + £100 tolls.

It would also mean that you can stay in little B&Bs or Airbnb outside the towns, which can be really good value in Europe.

You could then also extend it to be your main summer holiday, and so wouldn't resent the cost so much!

Missing your own sisters wedding is a huge deal, and the DH doesn’t want to do that.

I get that, but it's clearly not as important to the bride and groom that their families attend, if they're pricing them out of doing so.

The OP and her DH's immediate family have to come first, and if they can't afford it they can't afford it.

OP said on a later post that it is on an island with only 1 airport. So don't think that good suggestion will work for them, sadly?

She does work. The wording was just a bit confusing. She means the kids started nursery so that she could get a job (and now has)

Ah, that's a shame. Unless there's a ferry?

(overnight ferry is really fun for kids, and a room can cost less than a hotel for some destinations)

Her DH does think they will be able to afford it.

The assumption seems to be that their current reduced circumstances will recover quickly.

Although cars on ferry can be expensive...

Depending on logistics and distances, could leave the car on the other side and take the ferry as foot passengers (often very inexpensive, even with a room). Will anyone be hiring a car on the island who could pick you up from the ferry? This is family, so they should be willing to go out of their way for you if that's what makes it possible.