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(Warning: racism) How to reply to this racist text?

54 replies

isthereaway · 08/11/2024 08:57

Old friend of many decades (now 60) Geographically distant, rarely see so mostly text comms. Recent quick 'chat' about some old pics a mutual friend had found from a 6th form party. I shared one of old friend & I. Not keen to share any (more drunken) others so, when asked I say: 'oh, no more for sharing, bit of a Rakes Progress!'.
Friend then says: "So in these latest, you & (mutual friend) are hunched over a game of cards, while a debt collector rubs his hands together and a Jew in the corner licks his lips? I saw the originals once & was not impressed".
Somewhat stunned I reply: "excuse me: "a Jew in the corner???"
To which I get the reply: 'yeah, I knew you'd pick that up. Is 'a Roman Catholic' in the corner any better'? (I was RC)
This person had form for making the odd stupid remark as a teen but by late 50's there is no excuse for this racism. Also, the 'yeah, I knew you'd pick it up' seems like teenage attention seeking? I'm not going to continue this text friendship now but I do feel upset by it (we were close growing up & chat quite often) so (sorry for long intro) can anyone suggest a pithy reply as I don't wish to ignore (appears I condone it?) OR 'go on' (shows him he's upset me)

OP posts:
evelynevelyn · 08/11/2024 12:30

It's a real stretch to call this racist, I think. He's referencing a stock character in continuation of the imagery you yourself set up.

"It was all a bit James Bond"
"Yeah, I can imagine you there, Martini in hand, seducing the touselled temptress and defeating the disfigured villain".

Is neither disgusting sexism nor abhorrent ableism. It's joining into the conceit you set up. To block him over it would be bizarre.

VitaminSubtle · 08/11/2024 12:33

evelynevelyn · 08/11/2024 12:30

It's a real stretch to call this racist, I think. He's referencing a stock character in continuation of the imagery you yourself set up.

"It was all a bit James Bond"
"Yeah, I can imagine you there, Martini in hand, seducing the touselled temptress and defeating the disfigured villain".

Is neither disgusting sexism nor abhorrent ableism. It's joining into the conceit you set up. To block him over it would be bizarre.

Yes, exactly. That’s a better example than my Jane Eyre one.

isthereaway · 08/11/2024 13:28

@soupfiend fair Qu re why did I first mention 'Rakes Progress'? Because there were 4 pics, 1: we have just arrived at party in coats (I shared) 2 we are necking alcohol, 3 dancing pic, 4 a 'morning after' hungover one. It was a 'shirt & shorts' party. I didn't want to share pic 2/3/4 of me in short shorts as old friend can be a bit odd re women (why he was Suspended at school). So I just said, 'oh, other party pics are all a bit Rakes Progress' in hope he'd then shut up about it. Didn't then expect immediate comments about 'a Jew in the corner licking his lips'. I do see that some do & some don't think this racist given the context. But he obviously typed it expecting it would upset me. Then asked for pics again. Will I end a friendship over it: yes, not just this but, as well as the further comments there's others that have made me uncomfortable about women in past.
Maybe 'I'm looking for an excuse', or maybe this whole exchange is the straw that breaks the friendships back.

OP posts:
AmICrazyToEvenBother · 08/11/2024 14:33

Sethera · 08/11/2024 09:24

It's perfectly clear and neither the words or phrasing are obsolete. If he's 60 years old and knows who Hogarth is, I am sure he will understand it. We don't all descend into text speak the minute we pick up a mobile phone.

Rather pompous though?

I didn't suggest that he wouldn't know Hogarth or that anyone needs to resort to text speak.

I bid you good day madam.

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