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Original poster

Are you conscious about what people think off you

45 replies

GlobalWater · 07/11/2024 14:37

When you’re talking to people do you worry about whether you are likeable to interesting or is it not normal to always be thinking this? I find myself in this mindset an awful lot and I wonder if it’s something I need to overcome? I’m not like this around my family but that’s about it.

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 07/11/2024 14:41

I don't personally but that's because I don't overly care what anyone thinks of me, if you don't like me so what. Though I suppose if you have low self esteem I guess this would be normal

Mysticguru · 07/11/2024 14:51

Nope. Come from a place of authenticity and that is it.

TheDandyLion · 07/11/2024 15:04

Other people's options of me is not my business nor my responsibility.

Andtheworldwentwhite · 07/11/2024 15:27

I hit 45 and said I don’t give a shite. Seriously perimenopause has done wonders for my confidence. I just don’t care. U want to criticise my gym gear …. Go right ahead at least I’m going. You want to laugh at me because I wear skinny jeans. Go ahead I have good legs as I go to the gym and watch what I eat so I don’t care. U drive up right behind me and tailgate me to make me go faster …. Sorry I won’t. Menopausal rage is actually freeing 😂

DemonicCaveMaggot · 07/11/2024 15:40

If you are boring or unlikable most adults can find a way of politely ducking out of a conversation with you. It's not like you are following them around insisting on them listening to your detailed description of Rugby, high altitude basket weaving, or how to raise slugs as a protein source. As long as you aren't hogging the conversation, ask open ended questions to get the other person to talk, and aren't expressing extreme religious or political views that are liable to put people's backs up you are going to be as likeable and interesting as anyone else out there - probably more so tbh.

SoiledMyselfDuringSomeTurbulence · 07/11/2024 15:42

Less so as I get older. It depends how bothered I am about the person really, whereas 20 years ago I might've cared about it on principle.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 07/11/2024 15:56

I do a lot. I honestly thought by 47 I'd get over myself but I haven't. I worry about people not liking me and if they don't, it keeps me awake at night wondering why.

VegTrug · 07/11/2024 15:57

I’m concerned what people think of my spelling

26dX · 07/11/2024 16:00

Can't be everyone's cup of tea 😂🤷🏽‍♀️

Original poster
GlobalWater · 07/11/2024 17:49

Interesting. Seems like most people don’t care so it’s not a typical thought pattern.

Is there anyone who did care but made an effort not to and was able to overcome this way of thinking? I’d love to know if there’s a way I can train my brain to be less self-conscious?

OP posts:
username7891 · 07/11/2024 17:51

You can be the nicest person in the world and some people will find something to criticise.

Tattletail · 07/11/2024 17:51

I have this feeling once I have left a social situation. It's like I over analyse it and then feel stupid for saying something or acting a certain way.

Original poster
GlobalWater · 07/11/2024 17:53

@DemonicCaveMaggot Definitely not a monologuer. My issue is more that I feel like other people find it easier to think off interesting things to talk about, find it easier to connect with others and to keep conversations going. I do try my best with all of these things but I think it comes more naturally to others (or at least that’s how it seems to me).

OP posts:
ZiggyZowie · 07/11/2024 17:55

I know that some people dont like me, I've heard them whispering about me etc and had snotty looks.
But I've also had people telling me I'm a lovely person too.
I've been pleasant to everyone I meet so I have the opinion I must be interesting enough for people to have an opinion on me. If I was dull I don't think they'd be gossiping so much.
So that makes me laugh really

binkythepoodle · 07/11/2024 17:59

I worry about this a lot. Always have been a huge people pleaser and over thinker but it's gotten worse over the last few years. When I talk to other people about it they frequently say that they feel the same so I thought it was pretty normal but this thread is disproving that so far! Wish I didn't give a crap.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 07/11/2024 18:00

Looking at the posts, including mine, I think as you get older you tend to stop worrying so much about what people think of you. In my case, I am retired and get most of my social interaction through craft groups, I get to my groups early and sit down. If people don't want to talk to me they can sit further away, if they don't mind me they can sit close by. I have found a couple of the ladies can be a bit boring, but it isn't all the time, and I think they probably find me boring - but not all the time. I have annoying parts to my personality and so do they. Maybe with age there is a bit more give and take and an acceptance that people aren't perfect and for the most part are just doing the best they can.

Petrine · 07/11/2024 18:02

Not everyone will like you, that’s for sure and you’ll not like everyone you speak to. That said I think that you sound fine. You’re obviously aware and considerate. I think one of the best things you can do in a conversation is listen and respond. Far too many people talk constantly about themselves with no thought of the person they’re talking to.

By the way I do care what people think of me… you’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t find the ‘don’t give a damn’ types very engaging and certainly wouldn’t aspire to be like that.

the80sweregreat · 07/11/2024 18:02

I used to care a lot. I don't anymore
Take it or leave it is my mantra , but I'm not that confrontational and I do see the other persons point of view , which helps I think.
I have had people dislike me for no reason whatsoever, which is a tad worrying , but then it's their problem not mine.

SoiledMyselfDuringSomeTurbulence · 07/11/2024 18:18

Wondering are you still young OP? You don't have to state your exact age or anything, but if you're still in your 20s it might be something that time takes care of.

Mairzydotes · 07/11/2024 18:27

No , I don't care.

I'm not a nasty person so if people don't like me, it's due to them not liking my personality. Which is a them problem, not a me problem.

UmbrellaEllaEllaElla · 07/11/2024 18:34

I do. I have anxiety and ADHD and seem to be hyper aware of everything. Its exhausting.

Original poster
GlobalWater · 07/11/2024 19:51

@SoiledMyselfDuringSomeTurbulence Mid 30s at the moment so wondering if it’s an age thing when I will grow out off it. I’ve never been too concerned about whether people think I’m a nice or good person because I think I’m comfortable enough when it comes to that. It’s more a lack of confidence in my ability to be a good conversationalist. I don’t really think about people disliking me as such but more just feeling a bit “blah”

OP posts:
User14March · 07/11/2024 19:55

The more you worry about what others think the more likely they are to dislike you?

SqueegieBeckenheimer · 07/11/2024 19:58

Yes. I was actually thinking about this today.
I've had the opposite effect with Perimenopause because I'm overthinking more and more which makes it worse.

I was bullied horribly in school and still feel affected by that. It definitely plays a part.

Edingril · 07/11/2024 20:02

No, I would hope I am not rude but people have to accept me as I am and I do the same to them, no I don't think long thoughts of others if I like them or not, I think they are either nice and normal or rude or annoying or whatever

So why would I think they think of me any different

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