I feel like I am drowning and don't know where to turn

[Ohhelpohnoanothergruffalo]

So my DH had a Stroke 3 months ago has been unable to work and has recently come home, we have carers coming in twice daily which is a huge help as we also have 4 DC

My car has recently died so I'm unable to ferry the DC about and walking to and from the childminders takes me approximately 4 hours per day, the older DC are at school and attend a local breakfast club

I took 6 weeks off work following my DH stroke and hospital admission and this has had a huge impact on us as a family as we have no family support or friends who can help

I feel like I am drowning , as a result of my time off work, majority of which was unpaid , I am now on an absence management plan as my absence percentage has triggered this

Any savings we had have been depleted and I don't know where to turn 😢

Hello op. I’m so sorry to hear of your troubles. I’m not surprised you feel like you do.

I wonder if the stroke association could help you?

Have you any family that can support you to help you get your car fixed? Any financial help?
Have you applied for pip for your DH. I know it will take a while to go through but it will help once it does.
have you claimed universal credit ?
how old are your kids? Can they help with things around the house to alleviate some of the pressure?

How old are your kids? Do you have any family around, grandparents, aunts and uncles?

Your work needs to be more supportive. Have you told them the situation..Get union support if applicable. I hate it when workplaces/management show lack of compassion for someone's plight, makes my blood boil.

I have sent the PIP forms off last week, not sure how long will take for a response

My children are 9,7 4 and 3, 3 of whom have additional needs and the youngest still does not sleep all night

I don't have anyone I can ask and I attempted to apply for a loan but was rejected and DP had just started his own business 2 weeks before having his stroke - he is only 30 and the children have really suffered with all the changes as have I but yet every day I get up and Try to keep it all together and then it hit me all at once earlier and I have no clue how we will manage going forward as I'm now paying partners bills etc we get a small amount of UC but as we are private renting the majority goes on our rent as not all the rent costs are covered

I feel a sense of relief in writing all of this down but I literally feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown 😢

I'm not sure how I would go about getting union support? They felt they were fair in paying me what they did and requested a sick note after I was off for a few days after they learned what happened

I am now on an absence management plan

What does that look like?

Sorry for your struggles.

Could the charity Homestart help at all? Sounds very tough OP. Best wishes to you and your family. What’s the prognosis for your husband?

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's a life changing event that will impact the whole family. I've been through it and it's shit
Apply for PIP straight away online. You won't get a decision right away but, when you do, they will backdate to the application date. Get some supporting letters from the hospital/sirona (or who ever the care providers are) to detail what your husband can't do. Use stroke charities for advice/support for him AND you. They have been amazing for us. Also see if you can claim ESA for him. Good luck xx

I'm sorry you are going through this.
Do you have any friends or neighbours who could help with nursery drop offs?

So have had a verbal warning and if I take any more than 2 days off within the next 3 months it will go to the next stage of disciplinary

Hi, so sorry to hear this happened to you.
Have you got significant illness cover on his life Insurance? They maybe able to help, you might be able to claim universal credit. Also DLA for your children with needs?

Try applying for a DHP with the council, it might help towards your rent cost.

You could phone Turn2us, they can tell you about any benefits you may be entitled to or grants.

The Citizens Advice may also be helpful.

You could also phone ACAS regarding work.

You could also phone the Stroke Association
https://www.stroke.org.uk/stroke/support/helpline

Look at the Stroke Association website. They also have a helpline and hopefully can signpost you some help.

There are loads of YouTube videos when he gets to the physio stage. Things will improve although it might be slower than you like.

Ignore the shitty absence management plan for now, I can't imagine you wanting to stay somewhere that treats you so badly at a time like this.
Can you find a spare half an hour or so to see someone at citizen's advice? Maybe if you call them and explain they could help you over the phone.
To be honest, in your circumstances right now once the PIP kicks in and you have claimed the other benefits you will be entitled to you should be okay. They just take a while to set up.

Try citizens advice bureau they should be able to offer support and guidance. I'm really sorry you're going through this. Try and ride through the tough days as best you can. You're one person and can only do so much. Don't forget to look after yourself too 🌷

Thanks so much for your kind advice - I didn't realise we had fallen behind with council tax repayments either as my DH used to pay that and I , rightly or wrongly, assumed he cleared it annually! No life insurance policy unfortunately he was in the midst of finalising an Income protection plan when all this happened, I will give citizens advice a call tommorow and yes I am not happy in my job but at the moment I can't afford to not go in everyday

Thankyou, no I know and I am trying! I've had abut 4 UTIs in the space of the last 9 weeks, my GP thinks it's some wonderful stress reaction I'm having and my Ibs is in full flare at the moment!

Could you speak to your childminder? In this situation I would absolutely pick up and drop off an minded child, no problem. Even though I would never agree to do it for a new family, if one of my existing families needed the help I would try to make it work.

Yes I've spoken with her it's not something she's able to facilitate at the moment with the other children she has and their arrival times 😢

Ask for a 1-2-1 with your HR dept, be honest with them and say the threat of disciplinary is adding to your stress. They may still go down disciplinary route if you have any more time off, but if they don't know the full story they can't help.

@Ohhelpohnoanothergruffalo

Your reality might be changing as you as a carer and claiming this with universal credit.

Are there any benefit calculator sites that could predict what you can claim for?

If you have no assets other than your home then you'll qualify.

You (your family) should get
Universal credit
Pip (discounted as income)
Carers allowance
Child element for all children
Child benefit
There may be other elements too. I know there was a severe disability element on tax credits.

You will also get a 25% discount from council tax if you register as your husbands carer. It's easier if he's getting pip but you can do this through your GP for now until pip comes through. Look up the forms needed. I think the Gp just has to tick a box saying you are carer for your husband. This will get you the 25% off.

Please ask the Stroke association for advice. Pip is awarded on a points system. You'll need a bit of a hand with the PIP interview.
If they give you the minimum points please get further advice. It's likely you'll need to escalate to get what your husband deserves. It's not a kind process.

You'll also qualify for a fully paid vehicle if your husband is awarded full mobility. You don't contribute but you do lose your mobility component as this pays for the car.

When all benefits are claimed it will take the pressure off you. You need to be focusing on you, how you will cope and care for your family.

In our area, the council are just opening up the household support fund. they will give food and fuel vouchers and the amount will reflect the number of kids in the family. See if you can get some help from there. Once PIP is awarded you can add carers element to your UC claim if you don't already get it for any of the kids.

Thats a really useful suggestion given that I work for a relatively large firm I hope it may help! I've been there over 3 years so at least my general employee rights are protected at least