Year 1 violent and disruptive behaviour - only at school

[ncforschoolhelp]

My DS is 5 and in year 1 at school. I will try to give as many facts as I can as would appreciate any and all advice.

In year R he transitioned into school well we saw some challenging behaviour both at school and home around the time his baby brother (now 16 months) was born but that improved and by the end of year R he was achieving and performing well at school.

Year 1 is a different story. He is in an infant school in a mixed year 1 & 2 class. We absolutely love the school and I can't fault his teachers. His behaviour has got progressively worse since starting year 1, and he is now being violent and disrespectful towards teachers and disruptive to his classmates.

He has no diagnosis for anything, nor are we seeking one (yet), and the school have been very clear that they don't believe he is showing any signs of ASD. He is showing some signs of ODD, but not all of the time and seems to very much be choosing poor behaviour.

The school (and us as his parents) believe that a lot of his behaviour is driven by anxieties but I'm at a loss to understand what his anxieties are. We parent relatively gently, however are consistent and firm in consequences (removals of privilege, toys or special events in the main) for poor behaviour. His behaviour at home is what I would call very normal, a little boundary pushing and some backchat but he is only ever violent or aggressive at home when we are dealing with the fall out of an incident at school.

There were incidents of violence from an older kid last year which the school dealt with well and that child is no longer at the school.

Outside of school he has 2 extra curriculars per week where his behaviour is fine, he gets 10-11 hours of sleep per night, eats well and lives in a comfortable home with lots of toys / books / games / stimulus etc.

The school are bringing in a local behaviour support team as a first step to help them build strategies around him and we will be involved in these conversations too and will do whatever we can to support the school in helping him manage his frustrations.

Lastly, he is out performing all of his peers in reading, maths, literacy. He reads different books and does different work to his class and the school see him as being top end year 2 if not year 3 in his ability. This is lovely to hear but I would much rather that academically he was slightly more average if it meant his social skills started to develop in a better way.

I'm at a complete loss as to what to do to help him. He's a lovely, curious, clever and funny kid who just seems to completely lose his way while he's at school and I think I thought he would be fine after a half term break but he's not and today was another incident to add to the others.

I'm feeling like it's all my fault, I have an ingrained dislike of authority and that I've passed this on, I have suffered with anxiety and low mental health in the past and I worry that I've done something wrong, even though I'm also really confident that we have provided him with a relatively lovely life so far, as much as we can.

Has anyone experienced similar? Has anyone experience of ODD at such a young age? Has anyone seen success from working with behavioural support teams? Should I be taking him to the GP?

Thanks so much if you've made it this far and I appreciate any advice!

OP, OCD and anxiety are co-morbid with autism. You yourself suffer from poor MH and anxiety. Based on the info you’ve given, I would be pursuing both an autism and ADHD assessment for your son (and perhaps also reflect on your life experiences through the lens of possible undiagnosed autism).

@ncforschoolhelp i could have written this post myself. We’ve had exactly the same issues, except for a horrible reception teacher and some fairly serious bullying. We are also going towards an extra support team to try to find out what’s going on. What sorts of violence has your little one been involved in? Ours has hit another child and kicked another child. It’s certainly not something he sees at home (also not via the media) and it is so distressing as a parent to feel like I can’t help him. Like you, I have a lovely, funny, clever boy and I wish he could be happy at school.

How does your DS behave towards his baby sibling now? Mine also had a change in behaviour when DD was born and I notice he still struggles greatly with jealousy and feeling left out two-odd years in. I do wonder if that is a factor for my DS at school.

As above, you rarely get ODD without either autism, adhd or both. Would definitely start on the diagnosis pathway as in my area its a 3 year wait, so even if things change, it's better to be on the waiting list now.

Thanks so much all.
@BarkLife I've done so much reading on the subject I'm probably in danger of confusing myself, but the (significantly experienced) SENCO, Head and class teacher at school have all been very clear that they don't see his behaviour as being consistent with their experiences of ADD/ASD/ADHD.

OCD is interesting and I have had a diagnosis myself in a particularly low period of mental health (I was pregnant following several losses so anxiety and obsessive thoughts became a big problem).

In terms of behaviour it's violence to teachers in the main - smacking, pinching and today he bit a teacher. None of it has been "hard" but that's not the point - no one goes to work to be hit, even if it can be an occupational hazard with young kids. I also think he is past the age where he has any inclination to hit as he is intelligent and is able to use his words where needed.

He rarely, if ever, hits other kids and when he has it's been in moments of extreme overwhelm or when someone has hit him on purpose.

He also doesn't hit at home unless we are either trying to deliver a consequence because of poor behaviour at school or he is having a bit of a meltdown which to be honest almost never happens.

Also @5yomum he now seems to really enjoy his toddler brothers company, he's just started to walk so he's enjoying pottering about with him and jealousy is so far at a minimum. I know this will change when the baby gets bigger and wants to play with the big boy toys!

'The Explosive Child' is a very helpful book. I would also echo the other posters who suggested considering ASD. I would add PDA profile to that which is anxiety led and can manifest itself as defiance. Also teachers and SENCO's don't have all the answers. Not all neurodivergent children present the same way. Good luck Op, my DS was the overwhelmed, biter in year 1, so I sympathise.

Thank you @Realowlette and...... are you actually the real owlette? She's by far the best one!!

I'll make a point to read that book. I am honestly not resistant to an ASD / ADD / ADHD diagnosis, I just want it to be right for him and this feels like it's come on almost all of a sudden.

Hoping it gets better!

As I was reading that I was going to suggest school commission a specialist teacher to come in and observe so I’m pleased to see that is happening, hopefully their report will help the school be able to put a plan in place to manage the behaviours. They will also be better placed to see if there may be underlying neurodivergence which needs further investigation.

It’s hard when things like this happens but working with school and the specialists hopefully it can be managed in a way to allow him to thrive.

If your son is bright, and considering he's only started in Year 1 in September, yet the school are saying his ability is top-end of Year 2/possibly Year 3 - could he be bored? You mention he's doing different work from the rest of his class, which I am guessing is due to the fact he's very bright? Could he be frustrated, due to the work, not being challenging enough? It's just a thought.

Well I was going to say either he's bored or he doesn't like reading different books and doing different work to the rest of the class. I appreciate that his intellect needs to be nurtured but it's singling him out and really children just want to fit in with their peers.
Presumably if he's just attacking teachers, it's them he considers responsible for him being isolated. If he had general violent tendencies, surely he would be attacking his more vulnerable classmates.
Apologies if I'm on completely the wrong track @ncforschoolhelp but at 5 I would be wanting my child to be treated exactly the same as his classmates. The other stuff can be done outside school hours or later on when he is a little more mature.

If he isn't doing this anywhere else I would suggest that the teachers fill out an ABC chart to monitor the specific aggressive behaviour. This is where you record what happened just before, what the aggressive behaviour was, and then what the consequences was (antecedent, behaviour consequence). This is really useful when you are unpicking complex behaviour.
It could be boredom, he could be doing it because he likes the attention from being told off? Or because something is really upsetting him. Unfortunately without really careful recording it will be very hard to work it out.

@Sassybooklover @Fizzadora I completely agree and I think that my ask to the school now that his behaviour has deteriorated would be to focus on reintegrating him with his peers and we can pick up the "extra" stuff at home, happily.

@Geneticsbunny this is a fantastic idea and one I will speak to his Head about tomorrow. Thank you.

I definitely think he wants to be the clown / the focus, the main centre of attention in a situation. At home this is fine and we work really hard to make sure he understands that he can't always be the focal point but it seems that at school this is one of the triggers that causes a deterioration in his behaviours - among other things.

Hitting and biting teachers at this age is almost certainly SEN of some sort. High IQ and autism are correlated I believe, so this would be my first thought. I have two autistic children, one has a very high IQ. The kinds of things that cause them anxiety in school are sensory issues (too busy, too noisy, needing to move more than others etc), social related anxiety including anxiety about what a teacher might do or say in a given situation and not reading social situations well, difficulty with transitions, difficulty doing work that they're not interested in, not being able to communicate their needs.

I agree they really need to observe him and understand what the triggers are so that they can support him better in school, regardless of what his diagnosis will be. Hopefully the behaviour team will be helpful.

In children without significant trauma, ODD is almost always the wrong diagnosis, and it’s actually undiagnosed neurodiversity. Everything you have written suggests ASD (potentially with a PDA profile) +/- ADHD, with a very high IQ to boot (which in itself is a form of neurodiversity).

Your own description of yourself (I have an ingrained dislike of authority…I have suffered with anxiety and low mental health in the past) sounds very much like PDA autism.

Id take this very seriously and, if funds stretch, look at private assessment. Occupational therapy has been life changing for my eldest child.

Firstly:
There were incidents of violence from an older kid last year which the school dealt with well and that child is no longer at the school.
To be honest, that doesn't sound like they dealt with it well!

Secondly:
Your son sounds exactly like mine last year. He is in Year 1 now (age 6) but this time last year he was hitting, biting, throwing chairs around, everything. It was awful. Since then, he has been diagnosed with Autism, ADHD and anxiety which fluctuates in severity.

I'm surprised the school hasn't put an ABC chart in place already - this should have been done as soon as an issue was identified. Once they've identified ways to support your son (and his triggers) they should create an IEP.

If I were you, based on everything I earned last year, I would do the following, in this sort of rough order:

Ask for a meeting. Get them to start an ABC chart and subsequently get an IEP in place.
In parallel, get an assessment from an Occupational Therapist and a Speech and Language Therapist. The school might already have someone who they use. You may need to pay a fair whack, but worth every penny.
Following assessments, meet with SENCo at school to update IEP. Check in regularly to ensure it is being followed.
Get your GP to refer your son for an autism and ADHD assessment through Right to Choose (this will be free, and far quicker than waiting for the NHS waiting list).
Ask for another follow up meeting at school to see how things are going, and any adjustments that need making to his IEP.
If no progress, apply for an EHCP. This is a lengthy task and takes a long time, but can be a game changer if the right support is offered.

While doing this, I would be reading up on autism and anxiety; I found it so much easier to advocate for my child when I equipped myself with knowledge.

Happy to chat if you want to discuss further. As I say, your son sounds exactly like mine. My son is whip-smart too. He's really settled down now, and hasn't hit anyone in at least 6 months ... because his needs are being met (he has an EHCP and lots of support).

I'm not sure if I've missed it, but have you said why he is hitting and biting?

I have done just shy of ten sen tribunals to srndist and have yet to meet a senco who knows everything.

Has your child been assessed by a educational psychologist? I'd start there or ask senco to call in the spealist teacher team in your LA and the local autism outreach. Regardless of whether he has ASD they have a fountain of knowledge on challenging behaviour in schools. They are are more knowledgeable than a senco.

I'd also look up ipsea website and start familiarising yourself on the legal process of needs assessments.

Look up PDA see if any of the rings true. PDA isn't a standalone diagnosis.

They might be experienced but they’re not actually qualified to diagnose autism OP so I would definitely look into going to the GP and getting your son referred as it sounds like he is likely ND

@NCJD finds won't stretch at the moment for this, I don't know what the cost would be (this is all super new for me) but I can't imagine we can stretch to it.

@Worriedmotheroftwo apologies for not being clear - the school didn't remove the child that had been aggressive with my son, he left as he got to the end of year 2 (it's an infants school).

There is an IEP in place that we review regularly but the school are updating us daily as his behaviour has appeared to deteriorate so rapidly.

@AllYearsAround I don't know. He doesn't know. The violence happens at the height of his state of overwhelm.

@IncessantNameChanger we haven't seen the Ed psyche team yet. First step is behavioural support / specialist teacher team. Following that and the adoption of any strategies they suggest, Ed psyche seems to be the next step.

Do you think it's time for GP already?

Thanks so much again, I honestly appreciate it so much. I want to help him and advocate for him and do my very best tiger mum impression but it's super tough with a very demanding full time job and 16 month old (as well as parents who's health seems to be getting worse by the day!)

SENCO, Head and class teacher at school have all been very clear that they don't see his behaviour as being consistent with their experiences of ADD/ASD/ADHD.

Believe me, there are lots of teachers and SENCOs out there who know absolutely nothing about atypical presentations of autism, and don’t see any traits in children who subsequently get a diagnosis.

My daughter wasn’t diagnosed until the end of year 4, and even then it was with zero input from school who thought she was fine.

Kids who are neurodivergent + academically able are known as 2e (twice exceptional) or DME (dual/multiple exceptionality). It’s a very underdiagnosed profile of autism/ADHD.

But what's happening, does he just walk up to the teacher randomly and hit them? What have the school told you?