Friends with different values

[GettingThemFromHereToThere]

Do you maintain friendships with people with vastly different moral values?

I've made a new friend recently and we seem to click. Easy conversation, similar lifestyles and we live closeby which makes the friendship easy too. She's seemingly lovely in lots of ways.

But... she's quite a stanch evangelical Christian and has been open about her views about gay people. She thinks it's wrong as "that's what the bible says". When I probed further, she even admitted that she doesn't know if she'd support her own child if they grew up to discover they're gay, that she can't think about it. Her facial expression was as if I'd told her I had poo on my hand. I was shocked internally, having had many progressive and accepting Christian friends in the past, and I'm not sure what to do.

I have immediate family members who are gay and I love and accept them, their sexuality has never been a problem for me and it's just who they are. I also think it's dispicable that I'm today's world, with at least 1 in 10 people known to be gay/bi, that these views can be widely accepted in certain religions. It just doesn't have a place in a loving community, in my eyes and I would hate to be associated with homophobic views.

So as our friendship progresses, I'm wondering if this is a deal-breaker for me. She doesn't go on about it, but I know it's there now and her faith is a big part of her life.

Historically, I've taken a hardline and had a similar situation a few years ago with a non-christian friend who I stopped contact with over it. But I'm now a bit older and wondering if it's normal for friends to differ on opinions and values, and it's best just to not talk about it?

Would you continue a friendship with someone with vastly different moral values, if you got on well otherwise?

Interested to hear views and experiences.

Would you say the same about a devout Muslim? It sounds quite intolerant.

Obviously people differ on this, but I like having friends who see the world differently to me. I don’t see why you should cut people off for having a different world view. The only time I would do this would be if it caused them to act in a way that was deeply morally reprehensible to me (for example, violence towards others) or if they were banging on about it all the time (which would be boring and annoying and impact how much I enjoyed their company).

As an example, I have a gay friend who has used a paid surrogate mother to have a child. I strongly disagree with this, but I don’t think it is awful enough for me to cut him off. I don’t expect my friends to be morally perfect or agree with my worldview at all times.

I have maintained friendships with people whose views differ from mine on homosexuality, whilst also letting them know my own strongly held views. I’m a pro choice gay marriage supporting Christian and perfectly happy to air my views in any church. There’s bugger all in the bible about homosexuality- literally a line or 2 and even that is a translation that could be reinterpreted

I had one close friend who’s views differed from mine but life experience has changed her mind 🤗

Others have compared homosexuality to paediaphilia and they got shut down and distanced from.

when I was a child a man I knew lost his life partner to a heart attack and having seen his grief, no one will tell me that their relationship was wrong in anyway. I’ve seen lives ruined by people attempting to suppress the sexuality and my oldest son is gayer than the rainbow flag that represents him!

In short I don’t really take their views particularly seriously, just a snort of derision and move on 🤣

Regardless of the ins and outs of subjects, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. We don't have to agree with it, or even like it, but we should respect others opinions. When someone has an opinion, and they believe theirs is 'right' and yours is very obviously 'wrong', and they can't/won't see any other view point, let alone respect someone else's - that's when you have an issue. I have friends who have different political views to me, we agree to disagree! Religion, is one of those ones that can be very black and white to some people. I have a friend who is religious, and she knows I am not. I respect her choice to attend church and believe, but she respects the fact I don't. I believe everyone should be treated with respect regardless of their sexuality, religion, skin colour - not everyone agrees with that though. I would see how the friendship pans out, if her views start becoming vocal and it's something that makes you uncomfortable, may be it would be time to step back.

We don't have to agree with it, or even like it, but we should respect others opinions.

We really shouldn't, you know. An opinion can be 'Vanilla is nicer than chocolate' or 'Paedophilia is a sexual orientation that should be respected and legislated for.' It does not in any way need to be treated with respect.

I'm happy to challenge and discuss, I'm happy to advocate and state my views. But it is only the way that I live that I can influence and I don't think anyone stands to gain much by cutting out of your life anyone who doesn't have the exact same take as you do on every ethical, moral controversy.

That's fair enough if that works for you.

Can handle differences in opinion, but not in moral integrity and inherent values. So I have friends with different political views, but none of them are racist, misogynistic, homophobic etc. I would not be friends with her.

I wouldn’t be friends with someone who was homophobic regardless of their justification. I know religious people who aren’t homophobic so it sounds like an excuse to be hateful. There’s no way Jesus would have been a homophobe, he famously accepted those that were shunned by society in his day.

For me its not just the views I struggle to accept, its the way people develop those views, and hold on to them without asking any questions. Its also if their views have a negative impact on others. I find it difficult to tolerate friends having affairs or stealing as well.