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Original poster

Loneliness

31 replies

user1485851222 · 02/11/2024 18:40

Moved to a new town 2 years ago, with DH, we didn't know anyone. Both now retired early 60's, DH happy to sit in house, & content with life. I need more, as you age it's harder to make friends. DC lives hundreds of miles away, didn't live close before we moved. I've tried getting employment as a way to make friends, this hasn't worked out. I'm bored and lonely. Volunteering isn't an option. Don't know what I think mumsnet can do, but.....

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · 02/11/2024 18:46

U3a is really good. Very reasonable to join and you can try lots of classes, I love it. Google your local one.

WitchesButter · 02/11/2024 18:47

user1485851222 · 02/11/2024 18:40

Moved to a new town 2 years ago, with DH, we didn't know anyone. Both now retired early 60's, DH happy to sit in house, & content with life. I need more, as you age it's harder to make friends. DC lives hundreds of miles away, didn't live close before we moved. I've tried getting employment as a way to make friends, this hasn't worked out. I'm bored and lonely. Volunteering isn't an option. Don't know what I think mumsnet can do, but.....

Why no volunteering?

TeenLifeMum · 02/11/2024 18:49

My parents did similar but they volunteer in the community pub to meet friends. Why can’t you volunteer?

freshlaundrysmell · 02/11/2024 18:50

Why cant you volunteer? if you are bored and lonely it sounds like the ideal thing to do. If you want to meet friends you will inevitably have to put yourself out there in some shape or form to even meet people in the first place.

Original poster
user1485851222 · 02/11/2024 18:50

WitchesButter · 02/11/2024 18:47

Why no volunteering?

Show quote history

Was thinking health reasons, but sod it, I'll look into it.

OP posts:
MassiveOvaryaction · 02/11/2024 18:59

If your health reasons wouldn't stop you from working why would they stop you from volunteering?

Our local church has loads of different activities during the week, you don't have to be a church member or believe to take part. Worth a look what's on in your area. Try the library too, you might find a book club or knit and natter type thing.

Quitelikeit · 02/11/2024 19:01

You should google

‘social clubs activities classes Northampton’

or wherever you are - you might find there are various classes eg knitting, dancing etc you won’t be the only one needing a bit of company now and then

madaboutpurple · 02/11/2024 19:02

My idea has been mentioned U3A. All the best . Also are there any social groups run by churches.?

Pumpkintopf · 02/11/2024 19:08

Any hobbies or interests op, or any you'd like to start? A local craft group perhaps? Any local bookshops that have a book club? What are you interested in and what sort of people would you like to meet?

Original poster
user1485851222 · 02/11/2024 19:14

Pumpkintopf · 02/11/2024 19:08

Any hobbies or interests op, or any you'd like to start? A local craft group perhaps? Any local bookshops that have a book club? What are you interested in and what sort of people would you like to meet?

Love reading, no book groups, I might look into starting one. It's quite a rural location, so no bookshops. I'd like to meet people that wouldn't mind travelling to a theatre show, or meeting for a drink or two, I tend to meet people that I tied to their DP's, so won't do anything without their SO... which is lovely for them, but I don't want you be a spare wheel and DH not interested in double dating.

OP posts:
TheMoonismadeofcheese · 02/11/2024 19:24

I feel your pain. I moved a few years ago, same age. Children also hundreds of miles away. A lifesaver has been a book group and a hobby group but the latter has never been the same since Covid. The former is just returning to what it was pre Covid. I have tried the WI and felt a bit out of place. All the women knew each other and I felt like an interloper. I tried U3 A but it wasn’t really for me. I haven’t made any real friends bar those I talk to in the two groups I joined. No one to just meet for coffee and a chat. It’s incredibly lonely. We have decided to move closer to our children. It’s really hard in your sixties. My OH has got more friends than me but his best friend here recently died.

Have you tried joining some online book groups or interest groups if there are no physical ones near you?

Original poster
user1485851222 · 02/11/2024 19:29

TheMoonismadeofcheese · 02/11/2024 19:24

I feel your pain. I moved a few years ago, same age. Children also hundreds of miles away. A lifesaver has been a book group and a hobby group but the latter has never been the same since Covid. The former is just returning to what it was pre Covid. I have tried the WI and felt a bit out of place. All the women knew each other and I felt like an interloper. I tried U3 A but it wasn’t really for me. I haven’t made any real friends bar those I talk to in the two groups I joined. No one to just meet for coffee and a chat. It’s incredibly lonely. We have decided to move closer to our children. It’s really hard in your sixties. My OH has got more friends than me but his best friend here recently died.

Have you tried joining some online book groups or interest groups if there are no physical ones near you?

Haven't seen any online book clubs, but will look into it now you've mentioned them. It is hard, my DH isn't bothered with friendship groups and he doesn't stop me doing anything, but he isn't interested in doing much any more, which I understand for him, but it doesn't work for me. No point moving closer to DC, (they'd hard it, lol, but they aren't in one place for long). It's a lovely part of the world we've moved to, but I've left friends hundreds of miles away and although I catch up with them a few times in the year, it's not the same. Hubby doesn't get my loneliness and isn't really accepting of it.

OP posts:
TheMoonismadeofcheese · 02/11/2024 19:31

Have you tried meet-up?

Original poster
user1485851222 · 02/11/2024 19:32

TheMoonismadeofcheese · 02/11/2024 19:24

I feel your pain. I moved a few years ago, same age. Children also hundreds of miles away. A lifesaver has been a book group and a hobby group but the latter has never been the same since Covid. The former is just returning to what it was pre Covid. I have tried the WI and felt a bit out of place. All the women knew each other and I felt like an interloper. I tried U3 A but it wasn’t really for me. I haven’t made any real friends bar those I talk to in the two groups I joined. No one to just meet for coffee and a chat. It’s incredibly lonely. We have decided to move closer to our children. It’s really hard in your sixties. My OH has got more friends than me but his best friend here recently died.

Have you tried joining some online book groups or interest groups if there are no physical ones near you?

Also I agree WI, I felt I stuck out like a sore thumb and the U3 by me, has people alot older than me, who seem very clicky. I'm in my 60's, but in my opinion I'm a young 60+, so seem stuck in away.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1485851222 · 02/11/2024 19:32

TheMoonismadeofcheese · 02/11/2024 19:31

Have you tried meet-up?

None in my area, except for under 30s

OP posts:
Owls912 · 02/11/2024 19:33

What about getting a dog ?

TheMoonismadeofcheese · 02/11/2024 19:35

Walking groups! Try the Ramblers.

AgentProvocateur · 02/11/2024 19:38

Why did you move somewhere where you don’t know anyone and there’s not much going on? Can you move back to where your friends are?

Original poster
user1485851222 · 02/11/2024 19:44

Owls912 · 02/11/2024 19:33

What about getting a dog ?

We have 1, so I walk him twice a day....

OP posts:
Original poster
user1485851222 · 02/11/2024 19:46

AgentProvocateur · 02/11/2024 19:38

Why did you move somewhere where you don’t know anyone and there’s not much going on? Can you move back to where your friends are?

When we moved, I explained to DH, that he'd need to go out more with me, as I wouldn't know any one, it just hasn't happened, we wouldn't want to move back.

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 02/11/2024 19:47

Local churches?
Have a look at ageuk
Any day coach trips to nearby cities
Allotments?
Art groups?
Nearest library
Local park/pathways monthly clean ups

Search everywhere online for information

MissHalloween · 02/11/2024 19:56

Do you like aqua aerobics, most classes are filled with women your age?

I think I were in your shoes I’d try and add more structure to the week by joining things/doing activities a few times per week and if they lead to making friends they do and if not at least you’ll be out and about and stimulated.

What are your thoughts on church, would you consider going to one as a way of making friends?

Is there a local Women’s Institute also don’t rule out things with older members?. I remember when my DM moved to her village she said the same and I always thought it was a shame as she could have been doing art classes, yoga etc etc with local (but 10/15 years older according to get) people.

Original poster
user1485851222 · 02/11/2024 20:08

MissHalloween · 02/11/2024 19:56

Do you like aqua aerobics, most classes are filled with women your age?

I think I were in your shoes I’d try and add more structure to the week by joining things/doing activities a few times per week and if they lead to making friends they do and if not at least you’ll be out and about and stimulated.

What are your thoughts on church, would you consider going to one as a way of making friends?

Is there a local Women’s Institute also don’t rule out things with older members?. I remember when my DM moved to her village she said the same and I always thought it was a shame as she could have been doing art classes, yoga etc etc with local (but 10/15 years older according to get) people.

Edited

I joined aqua aerobics when I first joined, thought it would be a good way to make friends, 25 in the pool, thet would say hello and that was it, it would be a monsoon outside and the women would drive past me and my house and not say do you want dropping off, in the same circumstances I would have, I stopped going after 3 months, just felt awkward.

OP posts:
MissHalloween · 02/11/2024 20:19

user1485851222
I stopped going after 3 months, just felt awkward that’s a shame, sometimes it just takes time. I made a friend at my aqua group after nearly a year of standing a few feet away from her twice a week in the class. We don’t meet outside the venue but always have a jacuzzi together after the class and WhatsApp each other.

Are there any local things you can join, or do something like volunteer at the local youth club, lunch club for the elderly etc?

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