What are some trivial and stupid things your parents would give you shit for ? What are some stupid rules they had ?

[nadia11]

Most of us have decent relationships with our parents but most parents in general give us shit about the most trivial things.

When me and my sisters as well as my two brothers lived with my parents until our early twenties, our parents(especially our mom) would give us shit for not brushing our hair even when we wouldn't go out and be in the house all day.

Home should be a safe haven. You shouldn't be worried about your appearance at all but our parents expected us to look somewhat presentable all the time.

Another stupid expectation. We were expected to be up by 9 AM on weekends. Now that we don't live with them anymore, we can sleep in till whatever time we want on weekends. 10 AM, 11 AM, 12 PM.

And also when we were teenagers, our parents gave us shit for refusing to let our younger cousins play in our gaming consoles. They would also give us shit for not letting them play in our cellphones.

We couldn't lay down on the couches.

One time our mom gave us shit for not cooking for our older brothers.

We were not allowed to polish out toenails and we were not allowed to wear open high heels or sandals because they claimed that women's feet are one of the things that causes random guys to lust after women. That's why we couldn't be barefoot or wear flip flops whenever our fathers guy friends would show up. We had to cover our feet. Apparently guys get sexually aroused by feet.

We couldn't have boyfriends. We weren't even allowed to have guy platonic friends.

We were not allowed to go to the beaches.

My dad was controlling but about weird things.

No Christmas tree in the bay window in the living room (despite that being the obvious place) because someone might see it.

No clothes hanging out to dry outside. Couldn't possibly have people seeing them. My mum still has this weird hang up about it and makes comments about me hanging mine out as if it's an odd thing to do.

I wasn't allowed to have short hair. I was a girl so had to have my hair beautiful and long. When I see 5 year old girls with short hair I still do a double take.

I remember not being allowed to wear trousers, had to wear pretty dresses and skirts. Absolutely no short skirts though. My memory must not be completely correct on this because there are pictures of me as a child with trousers on.

I would get told off well into my teen years for going downstairs too late even though the only toilet was downstairs.

Tops and shirts had to be practically up to my neck line before I was allowed out in them, otherwise they were considered low cut and absolutely inappropriate. I once spilt a drink on a top I had been planning to wear to a job interview so changed it to the next most smart top I had, but it exposed a tiny amount of skin so it was a terrible choice and would "give the interviewers the wrong impression". I wore it anyway but apparently it meant I definitely wouldn't be given the job. I was.

There are some really sad responses on this thread. My parents were lovely. I feel very fortunate. We had run ins over certain things as I got older but as a child, the main thing I remember is 'don't ever tell lies'. It's served me well I think.

Not allowed to watch tv on Saturday mornings so no tiswas or swap shop, although I could watch tv after school . Not allowed to have Barbie or sindy ( as they had breasts 🤷‍♀️) not allowed to watch please sir ( didn't like the way they spoke) . Not allowed to have a drink at the table when eating.
As an adult, we were talking and I mentioned the rules. She said, why couldn't you watch tv on Saturday mornings. Err I don't know mum, they were your rules!

I was never allowed to have long hair. I had an awful bowl cut and I was very sad about this rule. As soon as I left home, I grew my hair really long and I had absolutely beautiful wavy dark hair. No idea why my mum was so mean about this.
Yeah, we never had any drinks with meals either. Only thought about it when my husband told me it's really odd.

@MillyMichaelson

What is the elbows on the table thing?! Why is it possibly seen as rude?
It's the very epitome of 'I say it's rude because my parents said it was because their parents said it was'.
It makes no sense to me. Someone decided one day that it was rude and bam, generations destined to be uncomfortable at their own kitchen table

You are wrong @MillyMichaelson - it isn't just invented.

Think of it like this - if you are at a formal dinner (table with people directly next to you on both sides), it is definitely rude because elbows on the table encroaches into your neighbours space (a bit like commandeering the whole arm rest on the tube or a train) where space is tight - in other words it is selfish - and blocks/ obstructs the view of your neighbours to speak to your immediate neighbour. Again rude because it is excluding someone with your body from conversation.

Historically there were supposedly reasons to keep your elbows off the table to minimise violence - elbows on the table is ready for a quick punch I suppose.

Generally today though it remains rude (as well as space intrusion into a neighbour) because people with elbows on the table tend to lean forward and slouch by resting their head on their hands - this does look bored and disinterested in the dinning partners so is rude. It is rude to appear that someone bores you even if they do.

As well as the more abusive stories on here that are all too relatable, we were only allowed to cut 1 mouthful of food at a time. The rest of say a chicken breast ir potato was not to be cut until the piece in your mouth had been swallowed. No pre cutting or pre loading. Cutlery down in between mouthfuls. Is this a manners thing?

For my own kids, I'm trying a lead by common sense approach. If I can explain it and have it make sense to ds5, then all good. My rules are around safety and being polite/considerate to others, please and thanks. I don't care for arbitrary rules that don't make sense, like the proper way to sit on a sofa.

Not allowed to talk on the drive as we walked to the car because burgers would hear us and know we were going out. (Though surely the car made a noise??)

Not allowed to talk about the IRA in case someone heard and killed us. We lived in the Welsh Marches and never saw Irish people or, as far as I know, anyone in the IRA.

*burglers !!!

Our parents were lovely but in the 60s/70s there was more emphasis on good manners.

Deportment was important, stand tall and never slouch.

Beds are for laying down on not couches!

Not to shout from one room to another but go go into the room of the person you were speaking to!

No touching the walls in case of handprints.

Not having our very long hair (brother excluded) cut short.

Knee high socks with shorts and dresses and sandals.

Saying grace before a meal.

We had a wonderful childhood.

Can do that now - couldn't then with still mainly landlines- we didn't get answering machine till few years after pfb and that went down like a lead balloon they'd often leave multiple silence messages after beeps.

I once answered landline phone said we'd ring back after we'd eaten DH was cooking Sunday lunch while dealt with upset toddler and baby she rang DH mobile and landline over 40 times not stop till he picked up - TBF she never did that again once he'd did speak to her he was not a happy bunny.

Now though TBH we do tend to take early calls now as ill health in last few years has meant it can be really serious ie hospital admissions stuff or grief hitting my remaining parent - and we do love them enough to pick up their calls even the really early ones just in case.

Make a chip butty, talk at the dining table, have more than one piercing in an ear. Dress anything other than "normal", present as anything other than "normal", go braless even when everything was covered. I had my hair cut in a trendy style which was hated and was forced to have a home perm. Lots of things were considered common or made me look "like a prostitute". Eat in the street/shopping centre or anywhere that was not a cafe etc. No swearing, even the word damn was considered swearing. Lots of popular TV was banned and considered to be American trash. Forced to wear particular clothing to a school event because nobody would be wearing what I had chosen, they all had and I was very out of place.

Nothing on the walls. In fact I was never given any say on decor, carpet or curtain colour. Walls were always white and I wasn't allowed to bluetack anything to the wall despite them being repainted every few years. All our childhood bedrooms were a bit depressing. I was always so jealous of friends who could put posters up. I had pink Laura Ashley curtains when I was a teenager who listened to NWA, Ice-T, etc.

I am thrilled to paint my son's room blue and decorate it with childish things. My parents are horrified. He'll be able to decorate it however he likes.

My late DM insisted that black underwear (as opposed to white I guess) was a sure sign that a young woman was 'up for it'.

I had a difficult relationship with my mum. I couldn't do anything right. I was once grounded for the entire summer holidays, as in I wasn't allowed to leave the house at all. This was because I rang a boy. He was just a friend but ringing boys was not allowed. I'm 55 now and my mum is long dead but I really would have loved to have had a conversation with her about her stupid pointless rules. I'm a very different mum as a result.

Oh and I wasn't allowed to use tampons as that would ruin my virginity. My mum was so convinced that I was a virgin when I got married that she sat me down and said I might have to wash the sheets the next day. Honestly she had no idea 🙄

I think our mums must have been friends. Honestly it blew my mind the stuff she came out with. She was also a model so she saw some stuff. Maybe that was it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Often I would get shit for things I didn't even know were wrong, depending on my DF's mood. It was very confusing so I tried to stay out of his way when I could. But there were some unwritten unofficial rules:

No t.v. During the day, tv was for evening only

Another household with no Grange Hill!

No being out of bed at night, I think toilet probably allowed but I tried avoid going on case my DF woke up in a bad mood. I didn't often know what would set him off.

No contact with my aunt and uncle on my mother's side .

No contact with anyone else my DF had fallen out with.

No talk about mental health or emotional problems because we weren't allowed to suffer from those because it would make family look bad and we were most likely pretending to gain attention. Or else we had a demon that needed to be exorcised or some sin we had to confess to God. I don't want to share what the consequences were when my sister and I both developed serious issues in our teens. Let's just say the penalties for having a breakdown were severe. It felt almost like abuse but we were never beaten or anything. Though threatened with beatings a lot for things like talking out of turn or making mistakes with school work. I think this kind of thing was common in the 80s but I never really talked about this with my peers! Because my parents were religious we were seen as the weird family at school! 😁

No playing too noisily so my dad wouldn't get angry with us.

no forgetting to say please and thank you or we risked being walloped but that was pretty normal back in the 80s.

Self pity or too much self esteem were cardinal sins. Typical I think for fundamentalist Baptist kids in the 80s.

I think our Childhood was quite classic old school 80s except for the religious stuff. I wouldn't say my childhood was completely joyless. It was tough and I'm glad it's over but we did have a lot of freedom in other ways. I would have loved to have felt safer and more validated but it wasn't all bad and reading some of the things on here makes me feel quite fortunate really! I mean we were allowed to do most things as long as we didn't upset our DF. We had more freedom than kids do today and we were well educated and provided for .

No coloured lights at Xmas
No showers after 7:30pm
Wasnt allowed to chosen my own clothing, bedding or decor, the decor and bedding one stuck til I left home at 21
Had to have a haircut by a certain approved hairdresser (she was older and couldn’t cut in more modern styles)
Oh and one random Mother’s Day, I was around 8 or 9 and it was the first time I had the freedom to choose her a Mother’s Day card, she didn’t speak to me for 2 days because the front of the card didn’t say “Mum” on it

The good old days

@Diversion wow, what on earth was wrong with a chip butty?! Right now I want one even though it's almost 1am.

@Stressedafff even assuming you were from a generation where 21 was the age of majority, that is still extremely strict! And not speaking to you for two days because she didn't like how your addressed her on your mother's day card? Wow. I thought it was weird enough when my own DF didn't speak to my DSIS for nearly two years because he didn't think her career was high paid enough, but at least that was over something big.

@LongLongLiveLove I was born 1996! My mum was 41 when she had me. The gap between us became a lot more noticeable when I got older

Thank you for also making me crave a chip butty!

No make up
no boyfriends until my older sister had one (never!)
no denim waist coats, mine was thrown away
no trying to look pretty
no looking in the mirror more than once in the morning
no sanitary towels
no thinking anyone would look at you at a party
no showing off (I was particularly bad at that as I was desperate for any praise or affection)
no asking for anything

There needs to be chippies that open 24/7. If Keir Starmer brings those in I might forgive him! Maybe! 😁

I do recall a friend of mine (like me aged 14 in 1996) and remember being amazed that her parents wouldn't let her pierce her ears until age 18! Her DM had a huge thing about how it was awful having pierced ears!

That’s awful 😢

Oh we also had the "no tampons" rule because at 12 I was too young. Not too young for heavy periods though.

When I was 15 I started going out with a 21 year old bloke. We were together for nearly 4 years. I was 18 and a half when my Dad discovered we were having sex and he went absolutely ballistic. He insulted my boyfriend, banned him from our house or any family gatherings, and told me he was bitterly disappointed in me (among other insults).

The hypocrisy of the man! He'd had an affair with his much younger secretary a few years earlier, but no one was ever allowed to mention that, obviously.

We'd never been close but I lost all respect for him after that.