How can I beat my anxiety and live my life - how did you beat yours?

[lackofprogress]

TLDR : How did you overcome anxiety? What advice can you give me?

I've had anxiety since I had my DS who's now 18 (have a DD too who's 20). I've been on Citalopram for years and after several sessions on NHS CBT and counselling, I went private after the last NHS counsellor suggested I needed something that would be more in-depth and last longer than the 6 sessions the NHS offered.

I've been in psychotherapy for 11 years now and whilst I am better I still am not living my life. I struggle hugely to drive out of my comfort zone or be a passenger. I can do a 10mile radius from my home but anything else can cause a panic attack. I can't do trains. Planes are a no-no. I haven't been on holiday abroad for 24 years. Last holiday in the UK I had to take Valium to travel. The thought of being trapped in a car on the motorway, stuck in traffic and unable to get out, then needing the loo as the adrenaline kicks in, is my worst nightmare.

DH has recently said to DS about having a holiday abroad together. I can't go and feel so resentful towards my anxiety over it because I'm missing out on so much.

I've had a family member who said just face the fear and do it anyway, but the panic attacks are so debilitating due to the physical side effects that afterwards I shut down for days. At that time, I really felt I was going mad - I couldn't eat or sleep, just sat curled up on the sofa with negative thoughts on loop.

Therapy shows a huge lack of confidence in myself which has been there since early childhood. Always seen as shy and sensitive but did come out of myself in my 20s and travelled with no worries at all. I just lived my life like any other person.

Any suggestions MN? I'm early 50s now and I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. Help!

[I've name changed for this as don't want it linked to other account as some details may be outing too.]

Around 6 years ago mine was so bad I couldn't even have a conversation with someone as I was too anxious of saying the wrong thing. I couldn't even barely leave the house, could t even speak to anyone on the phone, funnily enough I decided to push myself out of my comfort zone and got a job with a manager title and came OFF my antidepressants, best thing I ever did - I was on citalopram and then sertriline and I think was doing more bad than food. The job I got forced me to engage with people, take lead and not be anxious

Place-marking as a family member of mine was like this. Turned out she had “high-functioning” ASD and appeared fine in certain situations and functioned well in the office but needed help commuting back and forth owing to sensory issues.

It’s probably not very helpful, but as a man the best thing I experienced was exposure to what caused me to feel the anxiety. Whether that’s small or large, forcing myself to experience things which were extremely difficult to bother with (flights. trains, buses, weirdly enough elevators) made me realise over time they’re nothing to be afraid of. Understand that when you’re dealing with the anxiety it’s like an impossible task but when you overcome it, it feels like a breath of fresh air, most of the time. Sometimes it takes small steps. Hope it helps anyways.

Have you thought about hiring a motor home for a UK holiday?

Two things struck me.
One you mention toilets a fair bit.
Have you ever had an accident?
Two I've had this on off for yrs.
No holidays no meals out or cinema for decades.
I did drive for 33 yrs though until menopause gave me dreadful anxiety.
I couldn't use the bus either and got so bad I couldn't walk to town alone.
Now I'm trying everything again.
I take Hrt which took ages to do much.
Changed jobs to a lovely place.
Sleep routine
Removed toxic people
Take magnesium and vit d
Walk miles per day in nature
Awaiting an ADHD autism assessment.
I had lots of therapy.Some may have stuck.
Some things have improved just naturally.
One thing I did do when the anxiety was bad was focus on what I could do not what I couldn't.