How can I beat my anxiety and live my life - how did you beat yours?

[lackofprogress]

TLDR : How did you overcome anxiety? What advice can you give me?

I've had anxiety since I had my DS who's now 18 (have a DD too who's 20). I've been on Citalopram for years and after several sessions on NHS CBT and counselling, I went private after the last NHS counsellor suggested I needed something that would be more in-depth and last longer than the 6 sessions the NHS offered.

I've been in psychotherapy for 11 years now and whilst I am better I still am not living my life. I struggle hugely to drive out of my comfort zone or be a passenger. I can do a 10mile radius from my home but anything else can cause a panic attack. I can't do trains. Planes are a no-no. I haven't been on holiday abroad for 24 years. Last holiday in the UK I had to take Valium to travel. The thought of being trapped in a car on the motorway, stuck in traffic and unable to get out, then needing the loo as the adrenaline kicks in, is my worst nightmare.

DH has recently said to DS about having a holiday abroad together. I can't go and feel so resentful towards my anxiety over it because I'm missing out on so much.

I've had a family member who said just face the fear and do it anyway, but the panic attacks are so debilitating due to the physical side effects that afterwards I shut down for days. At that time, I really felt I was going mad - I couldn't eat or sleep, just sat curled up on the sofa with negative thoughts on loop.

Therapy shows a huge lack of confidence in myself which has been there since early childhood. Always seen as shy and sensitive but did come out of myself in my 20s and travelled with no worries at all. I just lived my life like any other person.

Any suggestions MN? I'm early 50s now and I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. Help!

[I've name changed for this as don't want it linked to other account as some details may be outing too.]

A brave soul here. That is the only solution. Use your thinking to be brave and just do it

Yes EMDR can be used for almost any kind of emotional distress. It was originally devised to treat trauma but has now been effectively used to treat all manner of problems (like OCD, panic attacks, complicated grief, to name but a few).

I've had two lots of CBT on the NHS - it didn't work for me unfortunately.

Might be worth looking at different meds. Ideally though I want to be off SSRIs because of the side effects, especially at the higher doses. I'm just on a maintenance dose of 20mg citalopram at the mo. When it was higher it tamped down all my emotions rather than just the anxiety and I felt emotionally numb.

@Correlation
Sorry forgot to answer this:

It's interesting that you used to travel but haven't been abroad for so long now. What caused you to stop being able to?

Having kids. I just felt like I wanted to keep them safe. DH is probably autistic (DD is) and struggles to support emotionally.

I'll check this out!

@lackofprogress private EMDR therapy, Accupuncture and yoga

I'm off to bed in a mo but just wanted to say thank you to everyone on this thread. It's given me some stuff to look into, and therefore it's given me some hope.

To those of you with anxiety, whilst I wouldn't wish this on anyone it's nice to feel I'm not alone and there are others out there that understand.

I've had a different experience in that I had debilitating anxiety over decades and consider myself completely cured. I now only get anxious or stressed in situations that objectively warrant it, and to be honest, I'm pretty chilled in quite a few of those.
I wish I knew how and could bottle it, it would help so many people.
Personally I never really found beta blockers / propranolol helpful but they didn't do me any harm either.
NHS counsellor - I was complaining because I went from multiple panic attacks a day (about 10) to waking up on the night with them. I said "I'm fed up of fighting them all the time" and he said something like "why do you believe you have to fight them" and we discussed rolling with them. I had one more panic attack soon after that then nothing for several years.
Mirena Coil
Exercise - prioritise whatever exercise you can do, 3x weekly. It really helps you to manage your breath. Choir or wind / brass instruments may have a similar effect.
ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Job - get one where you are appreciated and the people are nice!
Social network - be a friend.
That's all for now but I'm sure there are other things I tried over the years.

No advice but solidarity. I don’t leave the house really unless it’s a MH appointment. My driving license was taken off me due to psychosis and I’m trying to get it back now with the support of my psych but in all honesty I think I’d be terrified to drive. I struggle even going out the front door to put rubbish in the bin. I’ve tried multiple medications. I’m still on several. I’ve had CBT and EMDR. I’ve tried hypnosis but they couldn’t put me under as I was too anxious! It’s so miserable.
EMDR sounds like a good idea for you to try and maybe a medication change?

I don't have it, but DS does and so does an ex client of mine. DS swears by a technique where he asks himself: what would not anxious me do? And then he does that. I guess the client must have a similar attitude as I was astounded when she told me she suffers acute anxiety. She is one of the bravest people I know.

I've been listening to the podcast I think mentioned above with Dr Russell Kennedy on Feel Good Live More and it might be interesting for you. There are things in there that explained anxiety in a way I hadn't understood before. I hope you can find something that works for you x

For me what often works for anxiety is a combination of therapy including emdr but not cbt, self help, meditation, breathing, journaling, exercising, being outside in nature, eating in moderation, reducing caffeine and alcohol, being properly hydrated, being rested, being in comfortable clothing, making sure I have rest time in my schedule, hypnotherapy for specific issues which cause anxiety for me.

I’m trying to calm my nervous system so when I do hit a situation that I find anxiety inducing I am not already at a high level, so it pushes me into avoidant behaviours like cancelling or getting other people to do things for me I should be able to do myself.

There are also things I don’t do and don’t push myself to do but they aren’t necessarily things that are stopping me live my life - things like I wouldn’t jump out of a plane and I don’t like big rollercoasters so I sit those out at theme parks.

I reframe it as I am really brave because I challenge my anxiety and I do things all the time that require me to be brave and face my fears. Regardless if the rest of the world is doing these things without a second thought, it can take me a lot and I’m going to recognise that and be proud of myself for showing up and putting myself out there.

We have to keep trying with things like this and be brave and curious as it is so easy to make your life small and ‘safe’ but it isn’t safe really as we just don’t have that level of control.

I’ll come back to this thread. I’m so exhausted from it. I don’t avoid things but just feel like I’m about to die the entire time. Interesting about EMDR. I thought it was only for trauma.

I consider myself to be generally not an anxious person. Bar 1 thing & that’s travel. I don’t t trust myself driving & I don’t trust others. This HT holidays has been tough, I’ve worked so my friends have offered to take my DD out to places & it’s caused a lot of stress (I picture the news reports of my DD & my friends fatal RTC). I just try & find ways to cope but it’s hard. I can’t refuse her to go to lovely places because I think she’ll die. I know where it’s come from - my mum drunk drove an ice/cream van & off roaded it with me in it as a kid & I thought she’d died.

I cope ok ish as I don’t want my DD to know or miss out on things & each time she comes back alive, I feel more relaxed! but it’s hard to be anxious about things op. I totally get it. Sorry I can’t be more helpful.

I take Citalopram too. It helps but it’s really a case of JFDI and not giving in to your fears.

I second this.

I think you do have to just do all the stuff that scares you and accept you'll feel shit.

But you won't feel shit forever, at some point your brain will reset itself and the anxiety will reduce.

I was agoraphobic but managed to sort myself out with no meds and a few self help books do it can be done.

There's a book called panicking about panic by Josh someone I found particularly useful.

I regularly meditate. This guy is very good, especially his Tuesday sessions which are specifically tuned in to regulating your polyvagal system and reducing anxiety. It’s free for the first month, I think. All live on zoom.

If you can’t make it in person, or even if you can, you get a recording of the session afterwards.

Meditation is something that you think doesn’t work… until you stop doing it and realise just how much help it is.

https://www.mind-springs.org/

@Love51
your post resonated with me, I have had similar experiences to some of what you shared.

the rolling with it part in particular. I sat in lectures as a student (near the door of course for an easy escape) - multiple times my pulse was extremely high, over 200 on one occasion (that’s a distressing rate.) I chose to try and stay and roll with it. Many times.

I had lots of stomach pain/discomfort. I thought it was physical - it was but it was driven by anxiety. I went through phases of barely eating or restricting food - gave up milk for a bit as I thought I was allergic.
I couldn’t cope (back then) with sitting in any environments where it would be embarrassing or disruptive to try and leave such as lectures, church etc. I realised that if I did leave this wasn’t a long term solution anyway - you can’t live your life walking out of things!
I did have some counselling via my university. I had the right counsellor at the right time. Don’t know what approach she used but it was good, turned out some of my childhood stuff was also driving the anxiety.

I do occasionally get the symptoms now but the “power” they have over me is gone. I stick with it, I distract myself. I also try and keep as healthy as I can in terms of good diet, regular food, fresh air, exercise.

I think you need better medication. I went through this whole thing, and was housebound with it for years. I never thought I’d go out again. To cut a long story short, I pushed to see an NHS psychiatrist who put me on Cipralex and Pregabalin. Cipralex helps me on its own, but adding the Pregabalin was so so helpful. I was able to start going on, slowly at first. Over the years I grew my confidence. I had a couple of short holidays in the uk, then longer ones. I went abroad for the first time in decades. Just booked another holiday abroad.
You need better medication, because in some cases (like mine) all the therapy in the world will not help enough with panic disorder.

Definitely agree with checking out the Russell Kennedy episode of live well live more.

Following

I know you mentioned Propranolol but I have to take it 3x a day at regular intervals to keep my anxiety and panic at an acceptable level. With anxiety that high you can’t take it when needed, you have to take it proactively. For me it’s a lifelong medication.

I was diagnosed with chronic anxiety disorder and prescribed Lexapro 10mgs.

It took 6 weeks to get full effect and it truly has given my life back. In fact I didn't realise just how bad I was until I started medication. Therapy could only do so much and now I feel much better equipped to deal with stuff now.

I also found the books by Claire Weeks excellent, just very pragmatic and reassuring, there are also audiobooks you can listen to without reading and are good to listen to when you are out and about if that makes you anxious. I have also used venlafaxine which is an anti-depressant which is supposed to be good for anxiety and I've found it so. Both already mentioned.