Child cries in every shop we go in - any pearls of wisdom?

[SpinningTops]

DS is 6 and does not cope well with shops. He cries in every shop. As soon as we go in he fixates on an item he wants, gets completely attached to it and sobs that he can't leave it. We never buy the item, always prepare him before hand, he agrees but everything goes out the window when we enter the shop.

He may be autistic and I get that I should just avoid shops but it's not always possible.

For example, we went to the zoo the other day. You HAD to go through the shop to get to the animals. Cue upset and an hour to calm down.

So I'm after ideas that could help him cope.

I used to say to my dc, if you still want it in a week's time, let me know and I'll get it for you. They never ever remembered it. Worked for me...but it's risky!

Avoid taking him in shops??

I like that! I'll get him one for Christmas.

Sadly that doesn't work.
Nor does adding to birthday / Christmas lists.

We do where possible but sometimes I have to and sometimes it's unavoidable.

Have you ever, at a time such as when you're at home and he's relaxed, asked him why he feels like that in shops, and why he gets so attached to something so quickly? Would he be able to explain it, do you think?

Maybe he thinks the toy would be lonely and upset if he doesn't take it home, or something bad would happen to it if he can't have it, or perhaps he feels the need to take something from a place so he will always have a sense of belonging because he can keep a part of it with him. Or maybe he just wants what he can't have (like most kids lol), but really struggles to control that desire.

Have a 'spare' purse. Open it to show it is empty before entering the shop so it is clear you cannot buy anything.

Interesting. One of the questions asked when we did ds asos was "if you popped into a shop unexpectedly on the way home from somewhere how would he react" followed by "and if it was to buy an item he wanted".

For the second answer I had to admit we probably wouldn't get too near the explaining it was for "x" because I'd still be dealing with the emotional fall out of "we are changing plans and going ...." 🫣

Yes, I've tried asking but I don't get much out of him.
He might say that he 'needed' it. Or in the moment he might say he can't leave it because 'it needs him'.
I think that's why he struggles with the idea of putting things on lists for the future, because he wants the exact one, not just one that looks the same. Sometimes he'll say 'but it won't be THIS one'. So I think there is something about thinking it won't be happy without him. Quite sweet really.

In truth, I don't think he knows why he finds it hard.

Yep. It's obviously really distressing for him so stop taking him. Embrace online shopping or tag team. Autistic children need us to modify their environments if they can't cope with the sensory overload.

@SpinningTops

'I like that! I'll get him one for Christmas.'

Buy two and hide one so that if the original one becomes dearly loved and gets lost you have a back up one.

DS isn’t austic but still does this. We find preparing him advance that will not be buying him a toy over £1 and if he cries we’ll leave really helps. He’s too busy finding toys at £1 to fixate on them.

But honestly if he has sen and this is becoming a problem I’d not take him to shops and be calling ahead at venues to explain the situation and try to get them to let you in through another entrance. Most places will try to accomosate. A

This used to be my dd, she has a diagnosis of autism. I can tell you that it does get easier and preparation is key. Using pictures and social stories has helped us, make a list using picture cards saying what you are going in for, get him involved finding the items you are looking for. My dd is now 18 and we still get the occasional meltdown in a shop but I can now tell which shops we shouldn’t go too or I can prepare her enough before going to explain that we are not buying anything for her, she also now has her own money so can chose something she wants to buy. It was a nightmare when she was your DS’s age but it does get easier.

Picture cards are a good idea. I could give him a picture, let him hold it when we go in and he can give it to me / trade it for a sweet once we've found it.

I agree that preparation is key.

To the people saying don't take him, I do try, we do online supermarket shopping, but it's impossible to avoid all the time.