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Original poster

Omg I feel sick… help.

44 replies

20yearsago · 30/10/2024 22:51

My ex from 20 years ago!!! Has just texted me a stream of photos of us from all those years ago and then a load of sexts.

I feel absolutely sick and mortified and so guilty. I’ve been married for 15 and I’ve never so much as spoken in a jokey way to another man about sex. I didn’t reply to him because I was in a meeting then came home and did some things with the kids. When I seen the stream of messages I blocked him straightaway.

Hes married with kids and what he was saying was so disrespectful to me and his wife. We live in the same area so bump into each other every few months say hello and walk on. I am so shocked and genuinely feel sick. Why would he do this??

OP posts:
Whothefuckdoesthat · 30/10/2024 22:56

You’ve got absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, you’ve done nothing wrong. Hopefully he’s realised you’ve blocked him and is now panicking in case you tell his wife. How would your DH react if you told him? If he’s not a ‘punch first, ask questions later’ type, I’d definitely tell him.

Motnight · 30/10/2024 22:57

Please don't feel guilty. You have done nothing wrong.

I would send 1 message to him telling him not to contact you again and then block him.

He's after sex.

Pinkelephant66 · 30/10/2024 22:57

Wow people are so weird!! Good idea to block

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Relationship problems
PennyCrayon1 · 30/10/2024 22:58

Tell your husband.

If this isn’t the end of it, if there are ramifications, he’ll at the very least wonder why you didn’t. Transparency is key here.

HalloweenHaribo · 30/10/2024 22:58

Really bizarre to do this out of the blue after 20 years.

How did he even know you'd be on the same number?

Anyway, at least you've blocked him.

fourelementary · 30/10/2024 22:59

You’ve not done anything wrong! Are any of the old photos sexual? If so, go to police non urgent number and report for harassment.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 30/10/2024 23:01

There are laws against this, I'd speak to my DH then report his sorry arse.

TheSnugHare · 30/10/2024 23:03

Midlife crisis?

Lavender14 · 30/10/2024 23:04

fourelementary · 30/10/2024 22:59

You’ve not done anything wrong! Are any of the old photos sexual? If so, go to police non urgent number and report for harassment.

This. Tbh I'd be showing your dh for transparency and then sending the screenshots to his wife.

Original poster
20yearsago · 30/10/2024 23:05

HalloweenHaribo · 30/10/2024 22:58

Really bizarre to do this out of the blue after 20 years.

How did he even know you'd be on the same number?

Anyway, at least you've blocked him.

I will 100% be telling DH as soon as he gets home from his night shift. He’s a very levelheaded man but I think this will boil his blood.

It’s bizarre but he has been known to ask about me to friends and family when he runs into them too. We have a very intense relationship for 6 years and it ended very badly.. ironically enough with him cheating on me with his now wife.

No thank god it was a time before mobile phones so no sexual pictures just things like us on holiday.

OP posts:
Original poster
20yearsago · 30/10/2024 23:05

My work number is on my website so I believe that’s how he got it.

OP posts:
Original poster
20yearsago · 30/10/2024 23:06

TheSnugHare · 30/10/2024 23:03

Midlife crisis?

His whole life has been a midlife cris but actually now that you say that he has a very significant birthday next week.

OP posts:
TheDowagerCountessofPembroke · 30/10/2024 23:07

Tell your DH. Tell the ex this is inappropriate and block him.

Ponderingwindow · 30/10/2024 23:08

Tell your husband and that will be the end of it. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Keeping it a secret will make you feel guilty and could theoretically backfire in some comedy of errors at some point in the future. So just tell your husband. You can just hand him the phone if you don’t want to describe the messages.

LauderSyme · 30/10/2024 23:11

Definitely tell your husband; this isn't your fault and it isn't your guilty secret to carry alone.

Unblock the ex and tell him not to contact you by any means, then block again. It's harassment only when the other party knows the contact is unwanted, and there are other ways he might try and communicate with you.

I am sorry that something so intrusive and creepy has happpened to you.

Bumcake · 30/10/2024 23:13

You’ve no reason to feel guilt. I’d have replied something goady along the lines of “who is this?” then blocked.

Original poster
20yearsago · 30/10/2024 23:16

I think it was the shock of seeing this string of messages and pictures from him that makes me feel guilty, like I’ve betrayed my amazing husband. Your right @LauderSyme its so creepy, he kept saying how he’s been thinking about me all these years then it went straight into really sexual messages that completely turned my stomach.

OP posts:
Incakewetrust · 30/10/2024 23:23

I'd screenshot it all and send it to his wife with the message: "you deserve to know what your husband has been doing. Please ask him not to harass me any further"

She deserves to know

LifeIsNeverKind · 30/10/2024 23:30

As well as telling your husband, please also report the horrible fucking sex pest to the police. He should not get away with this. What a disgusting specimen he is.

CreamLampshade · 30/10/2024 23:33
  1. tell your husband (effect: decrease guilt; maintain intimacy with husband)
  2. tell the police (effect: make him understand that he is breaking the law)
  3. tell his partner and screenshot (save someone else from his crap)
  4. text him back and tell him to fuck off. Block. (Get the final word and stand up for yourself)

then forget.

Trepidfox · 30/10/2024 23:34

Screenshot!!!

CreamLampshade · 30/10/2024 23:35

Incakewetrust · 30/10/2024 23:23

I'd screenshot it all and send it to his wife with the message: "you deserve to know what your husband has been doing. Please ask him not to harass me any further"

She deserves to know

Agreed. I hate it when people say it’s the moral high ground not to share the truth. They just can’t be bothered to create any more stress for themselves. It’s the right thing to tell the partner.

Original poster
20yearsago · 30/10/2024 23:36

Oh I have the screenshots all 6 pages of them. I just can’t understand WHY he would do this, it’s bizarre!

I feel bad for his wife too, what a horrible man he is. I had a lucky escape all these years ago as he certainly hasn’t grown up.

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 30/10/2024 23:40

May be a daft question, but it couldn't be his wife could it?

If she suspects he has cheated on her with someone, she may be trying to get proof? maybe she thinks it's you?

Seems odd to have completely come out of left field.

Whocanbelieveit · 30/10/2024 23:41

20yearsago · 30/10/2024 23:05

I will 100% be telling DH as soon as he gets home from his night shift. He’s a very levelheaded man but I think this will boil his blood.

It’s bizarre but he has been known to ask about me to friends and family when he runs into them too. We have a very intense relationship for 6 years and it ended very badly.. ironically enough with him cheating on me with his now wife.

No thank god it was a time before mobile phones so no sexual pictures just things like us on holiday.

Show quote history

After reading what you wrote, I wouldn’t feel too bad for his wife.