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Original poster

How on earth do women give birth without epidurals?

596 replies

Begaydocrime94 · 28/10/2024 16:45

genuine question, for those of you who have given birth without epidurals, how?? Just gave birth for the second time and was hoping for no epidural this time but caved pretty much immediately. How do women cope without? Do some women just cope better with pain etc?

OP posts:
FinishTheBook · 28/10/2024 20:56

BookishType · 28/10/2024 20:46

My friend is a midwife and once said to me that the woman that cope best in labour are the ones that don’t waste energy screaming and wailing. I appreciate it’s whatever gets you through, but this stayed with me.

Instinctively, I went into myself and said nothing throughout. It’s was a primitive experience for me and intensely empowering. I’m someone that would’ve thought I’d be on a epidural from the start as all 3 of my sisters had implied there’s no other way. But I simply didn’t need one.

I don't think screaming is always a choice. 🤔

During my first birth I remember at one point, after being in labour for 16 hours, hearing someone scream and then realising it was me. It was so painful and I was so out of it that I wasn't aware.

Second labour was completely different. I could breathe through the contractions, they were painful but nowhere near as bad and I felt aware and in control.

FancyNewt · 28/10/2024 20:57

BookishType · 28/10/2024 20:46

My friend is a midwife and once said to me that the woman that cope best in labour are the ones that don’t waste energy screaming and wailing. I appreciate it’s whatever gets you through, but this stayed with me.

Instinctively, I went into myself and said nothing throughout. It’s was a primitive experience for me and intensely empowering. I’m someone that would’ve thought I’d be on a epidural from the start as all 3 of my sisters had implied there’s no other way. But I simply didn’t need one.

I take issue with comments like this. It's not the case that some women are just making a fuss over nothing. For most of us labour will be the most painful thing we ever experience. It's normal to scream when you're in pain. It's not a weakness.

I always suspect that MWs who make these comments either just prefer women who don't inconvenience them by making a fuss so therefore assign more positive outcomes to them in their head or are the type of MW who shouldn't be MWs to start with. Plenty of those I'm afraid.

I'd love men to go through what women do. Most would be screaming the place down at least.

bruffin · 28/10/2024 20:58

My first birth i had an epidural , horrendous birth i couldnt feel to push and went on for 24 hours and ended up in theatre for an emergency CS if forceps didnt work.

2nd birth was 4 hours from waters breaking , no pain relief and so much better. If i had a 3rd child i would not have wanted an epidural. I felt so much more in control for the 2nd birth.

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3rd trimester Antenatal & postnatal Childbirth Families
coffeeandteav · 28/10/2024 20:59

I think time had an impact too. Slap yourself once its ok, for an hour its sore. For 2 days ouch! Draining.

Puffinlamb23 · 28/10/2024 21:03

I decided against it because too many women I know who had had one ended up with forceps or ceseareans. I chose to have my baby in a midwife led unit so it just wasn't an option even if I wanted one. I think not having the option made it easier. It was horrendously painful, but manageable with gas and air.

DeepRoseFish · 28/10/2024 21:04

I screamed the place down it was the most incredible pain and I’m still traumatised thinking about it now. However it was over very quickly thankfully!
I was induced with 3rd baby. Just a pessary but worked immediately.

MSLRT · 28/10/2024 21:07

Didn’t have a choice. Just got on with it. Thinking about all the woman who had done it before me without pain relief kept me going. They all survived.

FinishTheBook · 28/10/2024 21:08

I don’t buy anything re pain tolerance, hypno birthing etc. Some labours are harder than others and hurt more.

Yes, this.

I find some of the comments here about people's high pain thresholds etc quite patronising and smug.

Having had 2 births, one that was very hard and painful and one that was very manageable, there are just births that are easier than others. If I'd have had 2 births like my second, I wouldn't have been able to imagine anything like my first very difficult and painful one. It was so different. When I had my second child, I couldn't believe how 'easy' it was and then realised that is why others were not traumatised like I was after my first.

It's like people who say they 'just get on with it' when it comes to periods. I've had very manageable periods with just a bit of stomach ache til I was 35 ish, then I've had horrendous ones where I've been in so much pain that I've been sick and had to go to bed.

Tupperwarefan · 28/10/2024 21:09

Exactly the same for me @samedifferent Told I wasn't properly in labour. Then, too late

Fifthtimelucky · 28/10/2024 21:12

I don't think I have a particularly high pain threshold, and I am a complete coward when it comes to the dentist, but giving pain with nothing more than gas and air was not a problem.

I didn't have, or want, an epidural. I was much more scared of having something injected into my spine than I was of giving birth.

Both times gas and air was enough. Younger one was a water birth at home which was much easier than the first who was back to back.

weegiemum · 28/10/2024 21:17

I really didn't want one as I'd a horrible lumbar puncture a few years earlier which had left me with headaches for months. I was also afraid if I had one I'd end up with further intervention- in the end it was a ventouse delivery which was ok, just lots of stitches after!

Dc1 was a 37 h back labour which was managed with gas and air (after pethidine overnight) and was 9lb12.

So with the next 2 I knew I could do it. With both only had gas after fully dilated. Both done and dusted in 10-12 hours which seemed very quick after the first one!

YaB · 28/10/2024 21:26

My great aunt described labour as someone holing your head in the door frame then having the door constantly slammed against it with no end in sight.

I will say that I would take my shorter but more intense painful birth rather than my other labour that didn’t hurt as much but fuck me, it lasted for about 27 hours from twinges to birth. I was exhausted as twinges started at 11.30pm as I was about to go to bed and DC wasn’t born until the early hours of the following morning. I was so exhausted and thought I was going to die. Had I’d just had a full nights sleep I’m sure body would have coped better.

There’s no medals for refusing pain relief so never feel shamed for taking pain relief.

CurlewKate · 28/10/2024 21:31

@Screamingabdabz "why waste it on women for expensive epidurals when they can just grunt through the pain sucking a bit of cheap gas? Barbaric imo"

Good thing we're all different, eh?

CurlewKate · 28/10/2024 21:50

Extraordinary how disparaging Mumsnet is about women who make the choice not to have epidurals. No, I was not "chewing on a twig" or "a barbarian" or not making a fuss to "please the midwife". I may or may not have been "lucky". But equally the women who choose to have one may have been unlucky. We have been trained to accept that childbirth is a process where intervention is normal, and that it's not allowed to talk about wanting and getting a birth without intervention unless you are self deprecating and apologetic throughout. Or better still, shut up about it altogether.

Savingthehedgehogs · 28/10/2024 21:55

CurlewKate · 28/10/2024 21:50

Extraordinary how disparaging Mumsnet is about women who make the choice not to have epidurals. No, I was not "chewing on a twig" or "a barbarian" or not making a fuss to "please the midwife". I may or may not have been "lucky". But equally the women who choose to have one may have been unlucky. We have been trained to accept that childbirth is a process where intervention is normal, and that it's not allowed to talk about wanting and getting a birth without intervention unless you are self deprecating and apologetic throughout. Or better still, shut up about it altogether.

I felt like a fucking Amazon woman, empowered and literally untouchable. I have never felt such energy and power run through my body. I am honest about my experience- and will not be apologetic ever for my lived experience. I know what you mean and I am so tired of it too.

Pureasthedrivensnowww · 28/10/2024 21:56

Natal hypnotherapy and breathing and it was fine.

Pureasthedrivensnowww · 28/10/2024 22:01

My friend is a midwife and once said to me that the woman that cope best in labour are the ones that don’t waste energy screaming and wailing. I appreciate it’s whatever gets you through, but this stayed with me.
Instinctively, I went into myself and said nothing throughout. It’s was a primitive experience for me and intensely empowering

yes! Same. I was almost silent and meditative. I breathed through the pain.

screaming actually releases flight or fight hormones which tenses your body up and makes a natural birth much harder and much more painful. It’s a shame it’s normalised as there are so many better ways to manage pain.

rainingsnoring · 28/10/2024 22:03

CurlewKate · 28/10/2024 21:50

Extraordinary how disparaging Mumsnet is about women who make the choice not to have epidurals. No, I was not "chewing on a twig" or "a barbarian" or not making a fuss to "please the midwife". I may or may not have been "lucky". But equally the women who choose to have one may have been unlucky. We have been trained to accept that childbirth is a process where intervention is normal, and that it's not allowed to talk about wanting and getting a birth without intervention unless you are self deprecating and apologetic throughout. Or better still, shut up about it altogether.

Agreed. The need to put other women down because they feel inadequate is really pathetic.

rainingsnoring · 28/10/2024 22:04

Pureasthedrivensnowww · 28/10/2024 22:01

My friend is a midwife and once said to me that the woman that cope best in labour are the ones that don’t waste energy screaming and wailing. I appreciate it’s whatever gets you through, but this stayed with me.
Instinctively, I went into myself and said nothing throughout. It’s was a primitive experience for me and intensely empowering

yes! Same. I was almost silent and meditative. I breathed through the pain.

screaming actually releases flight or fight hormones which tenses your body up and makes a natural birth much harder and much more painful. It’s a shame it’s normalised as there are so many better ways to manage pain.

I agree too. I tried to relax and control my mind as possible. It definitely helped. I did scream at the end though.

lolly792 · 28/10/2024 22:05

I didn't want an epidural, it would have meant giving birth in a large regional hospital, it would have felt far more medicalised, I'd have needed monitoring and being in water wouldn't have been an option. I also wouldn't have known the midwives.

In contrast, the local MLU had a small team of midwives, who I got to know well during ante natal check ups, so when I went into labour I was supported by someone I knew which made a big difference. Epidurals weren't an option in the MLU as it needs an anaesthetist but I felt it was a trade off: greater pain but a more relaxed and non medical atmosphere which actually helped me deal better with the pain.

Also, I'd done NCT with a big focus on breathing techniques and relaxation. Although all forms of pain relief were covered in the classes, there was a lot of time spent on practising breathing and moving into different positions to aid labour which helped.

Yes it hurt like fuck but for me, keeping things as non medicalised as possible was important.

ladybee2 · 28/10/2024 22:07

In the same way that women have coped for thousands and thousands of years.

Tintackedsea · 28/10/2024 22:07

It wasn't an option at the wee hospital I gave birth in. I was in loads of pain obviously but knowing it wasn't available just meant I didn't have to think about it. You just go with whatever happens in your own situation. If it had been an option I'm sure I'd have been screaming for one!

Pureasthedrivensnowww · 28/10/2024 22:07

Also so many heroes on this thread 🙄 🙄 🙄

what a mean - and also weird - comment. If a woman doesn’t have an epidural you think they’re a show off?

@Notmollybutdolly

Copperlass · 28/10/2024 22:08

I find some of the comments here about people's high pain thresholds etc quite patronising and smug

Why have women got to do this to other women? What on earth is 'smug and patronising' about saying 'I've got a high pain threshold'? I'm autistic - perception of pain is a feature of my autism, and it's the same for many other people.

All women are entitled to speak honestly about their own birth experience without being told to pipe down.

suburberphobe · 28/10/2024 22:10

I had a natural birth, squatting with my (ex) husband supporting me.
I gave birth a month early though.

I think every woman should do what is best for her, if that is with pain relief so be it.