Joint birthday parties

[Serene135]

Just wondering what other people’s views are on joint birthday parties? I always feel annoyed and try to avoid them now. It just doesn’t seem fair that the parents half their costs by planning together and expect the parents of the children attending to double their costs. A lot of parents who do joint parties expect people attending to buy two gifts (one for each child). What they should do (in my opinion) is create a guest list and let the parents know that they only have to get a gift for the one child who invited them. The vast majority don’t do this though!

Often. Joint parties doesn't mean less.cost though. It means larger number of invites and bigger more extravagant parties. If they had 2 separate parties you would still be buying 2 presents too.

My son's best friend was born on the same day and were in the same class at school. If we hadn't had joint parties, their friends would have had to choose the party to attend.

Wouldn’t even cross my mind to be annoyed about this. Probably glad we didn’t have to go to 2 parties. Or if I only knew 1 child I’d just get them a present and the other kid a card.

Joint parties in dds class but they are always fiver parties so just give one in a card to any child the party is for.

I would always give a present for every birthday child.

You could just buy two smaller presents? Or only for the child you know best?

We did a joint party for the whole class - if we hadn't been able to split costs we'd have had to have a small one at home so more than half the kids wouldn't have been invited 🤷‍♀️

I like them. One fewer party to go to.

Ds1 and one of the boys in his class had the same birthday. We did a joint party several times but we said no gifts required but if they wished to put a few euro in a card (standard present in his class) the boys would split it but up please not do double.

I’ve never been to one, is it common? But I don’t think it would occur to me to think about the fairness of money - it just matters that kids get bday gifts! Your approach seems a bit weirdly transactional.

Less parties to go to is a win. Are you one of those people who tries to preach "pay for your plate" at weddings too?

We have a joint party soon, never met the other child they go to a different nursery. Was only going to get a gift for the one we know, someone tell me if that's a faux pas!? Would gift to both if my kid knew them.

There’s no need to be rude. @Shoobidowhop

My experience of joint parties has always been class parties so max 30 children. The last joint party I went to the mother was waiting in the party room. She didn’t even greet the guests as they arrived. As soon as anyone went into the party room she said “— presents here” and “— presents there” pointing to the piles. The expectation that people bring two presents was annoying (I did have two presents by the way). I’ve never felt comfortable just buying for one child when they are both in the same class. It can just be a little frustrating when you accept a party invite (so that your child doesn’t miss out) and then you have to buy two presents to attend instead of just one.

Thanks for your opinions everyone! 🌺 I was just wondering how others felt.

Two of my own children have joint birthdays every year. I always give double value party bags.

Joint parties are common in my DD's class when birthdays are close together. I always give a gift for each child -the kids are classmates, so they can't share it or split one, and I wouldn't want one of the kids to go without. I tend to give gifts under £10 for most parties, but can't go much cheaper than £7 as the quality seems poor.

The classes are whole class parties, so there isn't a bigger guestlist or more extravagant entertainment. I guess we can afford the cost (I often stock up on gifts on Amazon deals) and I'm pleased for my DD that splitting the cost maybe means the parties can continue being whole class (I fear she may not get invited to as many if classmates start inviting smaller groups). I don't see it as an advantage to have fewer parties though as DD enjoys them and she doesn't get to see her classmates much outside of the parties.

The ones my DCs have been to haven't worked well when it's been classmates sharing IME. One parent/DC has ended up dominating with the other DC being in a supporting role whilst covering half the cost of the first DC's party.
I've bought gifts for both, but probably been a bit more strict in sticking to the budget.

We've been to a couple where it is siblings sharing, and in fact held a couple ourselves. I'm biased of course, but I think this works better. Two distinct groups of friends so no sharing the well-wishing, but generally both groups know each other to some extent and rub along pretty well. When we've done this we've made it clear they are attending as DC(name)'s guest only. It has allowed them to pick activities that have a minimum number and would be too expensive to do individually for both.

Well I have twins who are in the same class so not a chance I'm doing two separate parties!

However I'm conscious of the single party, double present thing so my party bags are always more than double what I'd do for one kid! I've done squishmallows before, and one year hired a place plus added a face painter.......so we always go bigger than if I had to do a singletons party twice.

Surely if they didn't do the joint party you'd just have two parties to go to so would still be buying two gifts?

Thanks for your opinions everyone! 🌺

It’s nice to hear that sometimes double value party bags etc are given. That hasn’t been the case though for joint parties that I have been to. On one occasion the kids were given empty party bags as they left the joint party. They were given paper bags (that you buy cheaply in bulk) where you can colour the outside. The parents also presented a birthday cake and everyone sang happy birthday but then they didn’t give the kids any and took the cake home. They also made it clear beforehand via text that we were all to buy two gifts (they sent out a joint message telling us what things their children liked e.g. Lego). To be honest though I really don’t mind how much people spend on parties (the kids never notice and always have a great time). For me I suppose I have just been left feeling a little frustrated because my experience of joint parties has always been extreme budget parties where both parents have clearly spent very little (and so have saved themselves money) while expecting people attending to buy two gifts when not everyone can really afford to. I appreciate that this might be because this is all the parents hosting can afford but I do think a thought should be given for the guests who might be in the same position. I think a guest list (with expectation to buy one gift) would, in instances like this, be more polite.

If they had 2 separate parties you would still need to buy 2 presents & hassle of getting your 2 DC to 2 different venues.

Buy a load of books/toys etc from the works at the start of the year & wrap one up as a gift every time there's a party. or even a box of sweets etc.

Honestly couldn't over think this it'll probably happen for about 3 years absolute max, and cos you like £30 in three extra presents, I say extra loosely as it's like you'd have to get the child a present anyway at a party.

I'm glad this is all you've got be worried about OP.

Just spend half as much on the gifts, craft kits from the works are £2 in the sale, then stock up with generic ones for the next few panties. Colouring or sticker books are also really cheap, put in some crayons and some sweets and you have an adequate gift for around £2-3. Definitely not amounts that are worth getting annoyed about.

Seriously if you see parties these way, just don't go.
You aren't paying for your admission with a gift, you are giving something nice to a friend.
A party bag isn't a payment for a gift.
Attending the party is spending time with a friend.

One of DDs friends couldn't afford to give birthday presents. He was still invited because he was a nice boy.

If they had 2 separate parties you would still need to buy 2 presents & hassle of getting your 2 DC to 2 different venues.

This^
If it's class parties you'd still have the other party to go to and gift to buy.
Just stock up on packs of books from the Book people, The Works etc and split them up as gifts. I also bought toys in the Disney store January sales, and little items from Accesorize Jan sales.

But I think your issue really is that the other parents have been quite rude, but they may have been just as rude at a single party!

3 kids in dd's reception year are having a joint party soon! It never entered my head about them cost cutting in comparison to what I might spend on dd's party.

She would want to go to all 3 children's parties so it saves us having 3 Saturday's taken up with parties, or children having to choose if parties clashed!

Thank you for all of your comments! It’s nice sometimes to get other people’s views so things can be put into perspective I suppose 🌺

Absolutely no parent actually wants the presents though? Lots of cheap tat or the same book you already have!