fat phobia / shaming

[000EverybodyLovesTheSunshine000]

I was out with a friend recently who mentioned that they had seen another friend whom we hadn't seen for ages. My friend commented on how hugely fat this person had become. It was in quite a disgusted tone.

I didn't know what to say. My friend, the one commenting is usually such a nice caring kind of person. She would NEVER say anything racist, homophobic, sexist etc....

Why is fat shaming ok for so many people? I honestly didn't know what to say. It makes me both sad and cross.

People have been ' fat shaming ' for years. It's not right , but people judge whatever you do or whatever size you are. Not sure what the answer is though.

I guess it depends if you believe people are fat because they eat too much, lack self control and are lazy. Others may be more empathetic and see all the possible emotional, physical and environmental reasons people may be fat.

I was just so surprised by this particular person. It's just such a shitty thing to say. So out of character for them.
They'd be the first person to call out any other prejudice.

I judge the fat shaming. It's so ignorant and unkind. Shitty behaviour.

It might not be kind, but few people (especially women) would not comment or gossip about someone putting on loads of weight.

I would just honestly not comment.
It's honestly the least interesting thing about a person to me.

Whoops too many honestlys there 😂
But REALLY!

I would be ashamed to be someone who judges their friends in this way.
I would hate for my children to behave like this too.
This is an intelligent, caring person. I'm just quite blown away.

So you pulled them up there and then or stayed quiet, making you almost as bad?

Well that's OK then. Thanks for clearing that up. 🙄

I just looked at them in shock.

Yes I should have said something.
But was surprised by the comment and then they moved on as I just didn't say anything.

I'm not a very slim person myself so I guess I felt quite personally affronted too. But didn't really know what to say.

Really? You must mix with some pretty unpleasant women if it's normal behaviour for them to comment and gossip about other people putting on weight.
Do they just do this behind people's backs or do they also come out with "fat shaming " comments to people's faces as well?

Anything would have been better than nothing.

There’s just too much judgement, some people think it’s ok to say whatever they want to.For years l’ve been told l’m too thin.I have difficulty keeping weight on.I would never comment on someone’s weight, or appearance.Just think if you can’t say anything positive, why bother.
There’s so much more to a person than their shape/physique.

I wouldn’t consider that the same as the prejudices you’ve mentioned personally. I would just consider it quite a nasty judgemental comment that would make me think this friend was not as pleasant a person as I’d thought. So I think you’re overthinking it a bit. If she criticised a different aspect of someone’s appearance, what would your reaction be then?

why did you not correct your friend? you say you didn't know what to say? you clearly have an opinion on it, why could you not give this opinion to your friend?

Exactly

Even if they do eat too much, are lazy and lack self control....so what? Those things aren't crimes. I think most women look better with make up on.... doesn't mean I'm entitled to slag off ones who don't wear it on the grounds that they're too lazy to put some on.

I'd have the same reaction.
But I doubt she'd ever do that.
I've known her for years and she's the most lovely person. Which is why I was surprised by this particular judgement seeming to be fine by her.
Maybe that's why it jarred.

To those of you just here to keep asking me why I didn't say anything,I've explained up thread. So you can bob on & stop being antagonistic.

I was just asking why this particular kind of nasty comment / judgement is somehow thought of as ok? It's childish and mean. Maybe I am overthinking it. It just shocked me coming from someone who should know better.

Even if they do eat too much, are lazy and lack self control....so what? Those things aren't crimes. I think most women look better with make up on.... doesn't mean I'm entitled to slag off ones who don't wear it on the grounds that they're too lazy to put some on.

Exactly @Comedycook !

These kinds of comments tend to come from people who aren't very happy with themselves.

What would your reaction to this have been if your friend had commented about someone who lost a lot of weight?

I think the way they said it matters. I don't think there is anything wrong in mentioning that someone had gained weight.

I was just asking why this particular kind of nasty comment / judgement is somehow thought of as ok?

The only people who think it’s okay to say this kind of thing in a nasty (as opposed to concerned) way are people who are judgemental and a bit unpleasant generally.

@ThoraZ Agree.
It’s just not coming from a good place.

Comedycook, I was actually putting across two ways of thinking, but you only addressed the first. I didn't say which I believe, if any!