fat phobia / shaming

[000EverybodyLovesTheSunshine000]

I was out with a friend recently who mentioned that they had seen another friend whom we hadn't seen for ages. My friend commented on how hugely fat this person had become. It was in quite a disgusted tone.

I didn't know what to say. My friend, the one commenting is usually such a nice caring kind of person. She would NEVER say anything racist, homophobic, sexist etc....

Why is fat shaming ok for so many people? I honestly didn't know what to say. It makes me both sad and cross.

Nope, not here nor my friends not family. Decent human beings don't.

I will be very honest and sometimes I have judgy thoughts about people putting on weight. I always check myself and would never say it out loud.
I don't do the same with other things. I wonder if it's because you can't choose your race or sexuality but most people can have some control over their weight.
I am overweight and do judge myself equally as badly.

She would NEVER say anything racist, homophobic, sexist etc....

It's because being fat is seen (by many) as some kind of moral failing. If you just ate less/moved more/tried harder you wouldn't be fat. But sexual orientation, race etc are just a matter of fact. They can't be changed.

The characteristics you listed are all fixed- your race/ sexuality/ sex.

Fat is a choice excluding rare medical conditions. It's very different of course plenty disagree and they simply have to consume double the calories they need.

I suppose it's more similar to judging someone for being an alcoholic or a junkie.

It's shocking sometimes. The nicest people who you'd never expect will come out with this stuff. I think it's because they just haven't realised... it's so ingrained.
You find it with anti traveller rhetoric as well.. you'll get the sweetest people who would never be racist in any other respect just suddenly turn round and spout absolute vitriol about gypsies. And if you try and tell them it's racist they will just say 'no it's not it's true!'

My mum is so fat phobic. I call it out every time but she thinks I'm mad. She willsay to me 'but those people did that to themselves?'
She believes they are just lazy and it's a character fkaw or moral failing so it's fine to make fun.
There's literally no understanding.
I also think she has a very disordered relationship to food herself and there's an element of having to hate fat people and other them in order to remain very thin herself.

I remember being a kid abd I'd say 90% of anything you watched on tv would have fat jokes and if you ever saw a fat actress or actor their role was basically just 'fat person' and in the plot it was a plot point that they were fat.

Me and DH were watching something the other day abd one of the characters in it was quite large, I'd say a uk 16/18. And it just wasn't mentioned at all. That wasn't part of the story at all. She was just a character like any of the others with her own role abd none of it had anything to do with her size.
Both DH and I remarked after the show had finished how good it was to see that abd how when we were younger you never saw that.

Being an alcoholic or a junkie isn't a 'choice' either.
I drink occasionally yet I'm not an alcoholic. Is it because I've just chosen not to be? I've put in literally no work to not be an alcoholic. It's never ever been an issue. I can have a few drinks, have a nice time. Not drink again for months, barely think of it.
Then there's people out there who really struggle. Do you think they chose to struggle?

It's exactly the same with any type of disordered eating.
It's not a choice.

Being a few lbs overweight might be. You just couldn't be bothered to watch what you were eating that much so you've gained a few pounds.

Being morbidly obese is not that. You do not get morbidly obese by simply being a little lazy. It's a serious illness. It's an eating disorder. Or there may be physical health issues.
It's not a 'choice'

If you are a healthy weight now do you think you could become morbidly obese by simply not watching what you ate and eating sweets when you felt like it?
You might become a few lbs overweight.
But morbidly obese? No.
Because people's bodies will cling onto their base weight. Your appetite will go up or down as your body tries to maintain what it thinks your normal weight is.
If you are a healthy weight and have been your whole life. Then usually you will not have to think a massive amount about it. Maybe just 'oh I shouldn't eat desert again because I ate a lot yesterday'
But usually you won't have to consider every bite you eat.
Alot like how people who aren't alcoholics might think about alcohol. Not much at all.. maybe a bit from time to time.

These aren't real 'choices' are they? It's just luckily how you are of you are like that.

I don't think it's necessarily wrong to comment that someone has put on a lot of weight if it's very obvious, but the disgusted tone is a problem.

It depends on the context.

'Oh I saw Janet at the weekend, crikey what a fat fucker she's become!'

Or 'Oh I saw Janet at the weekend, I was surprised she has put on so much weight, she used to be so fit and healthy, I hope she's ok.'

Some men of my acquaintance would just say, "oi you fat fuck, who ate all the pies?" to their mate directly.

I can't tell if that's better or worse.

No need for either to be honest 😳 why would you make such a comment the second one is no better it's just veiled judgement disguised as concern.

Im morbidly obese. Decades of being prescribed shitty hormones and disordered eating has got me here. I'm working on it.

My own sister is so disgusted at my appearance to have anything to do with me. But like hell will she be welcomed when I do lose the weight.

@notanothernamechange24 Agree
why does anyone need to comment about someone’s weight.What is that actually going to achieve.

That’s the last thing you need, is judgment!

So she mentioned to one person in a tone that you judged as disgusted.

You're gossiping and judging her on a public forum and clearly hoping she'll be judged badly by loads of people.

I know who I'd rather be friends with.

This. None of my friends and family would be directly rude, but on holiday we can people watching and invariably a detrimental comment will arise. It's called human observation and it's not a crime.

No, that doesn’t it make ok, to be indirectly rude
You’re on holiday, nudge nudge, look at the state on that! Laughing at other people’s expense.The thing with doing that, you can be overheard, or seen doing it.Some people observe, more than others, nobody said it was a crime, just that it’s unnecessary and uncalled for.
People aren’t stupid, they can see when someone’s taking the, whatever out of them.