Ex pissing on my parade

[Shithole101]

I'm probably being petty but it's still pissed me of a bit sort of.

So a few people may know i struggle to keep on top of things in my house. One of the the I done was sort out both My boys bedrooms. Decorate it make it look nicer etc. Anyway I felt super proud of it . The thing that's pissed me of I'd the ex (kids dad) has gone and told them that he paid for everything in their room all the stuff needed for decorating etc.

To be fair he does pay CM so I can't say 100% that none of the cm went towards it.

It just pissed me off because he is Disney dad as it is so why piss on my parade.

I mean when I had 2 evictions. Where was he. His reaction oh I will go back to my mums then ... and when I did eventually get permanent housing who bought all the furniture etc that was needed ... oops that would be him I guess ( not)

Who done /does all the actual parenting and not just the fun bites etc etc . I'm gonna stop typing im pissing myself off 🤣

I would be replying to that with a "isn't daddy silly? The money he gives Mum helps towards the rent, council tax and electricity"

I never stood for my ex pulling shit like that. I was never blunt with my girls or gave them a direct cost breakdown, but I always made sure they knew that things I bought were from my money.

It's important they know the ex isn't funding everything.

As your kids get older, they will see who makes the effort in their everyday lives and who doesn't.

If he just throws money at them, they'll end up just viewing him as a cash point, Kids see more than you think and they won't respect a dad who puts in nothing apart from some money.

In the meantime you can just tell say (without emotion) to the kids that dad did not pay for everything in their rooms, so he is mistaken.

And don't tell him anything in future - the less he knows about your life, the better.

He pisses on your parade because he's emotionally abusive and a wanker. You acn't stop him.

But I agree with @ARichtGoodDram You can correct the message without ranting about him, "haha, daddy always says that but i definitely didn't see his bank card being pulled out." Or "Silly daddy, he wasn't even here and the money he gives us is for food and stuff."

I don't want them to feel they can't say anything they have to keep quite etc . I don't hate their dad or anything he's just pissed me off.

Yeah I hope one day they will see that it's not all about having stuff thrown at you. Never being told no etc.

I did say no he didn't he does not pay for everything. And ds said yes he does he told us he gives you money to pay for all our stuff. I told him daddy pays for some stuff for you not everything.

Don't tell the kids they can't talk about their lives, but don't actively tell him anything yourself. You did right to say to the kids that dad contributes to some things but doesn't pay for everything.

My ex used his wallet to get dc on side as teens.. They soon realised and went lc with him. Barely saw him the last few years of his life. He died alone. Dc were actually at his home for a change overnight.. In their bedrooms on the tech he had paid for. Quite ironic...

Probably kind of right about emotional abuse . He has adult children abd said I never ever slagged their mum of. I don't need to they would always find out for themselves. i do wonder if he planted a few little bits though

That would be like saying the nhs or tesco paid for it (if you worked for them and got wages)

Make sure you tell them how much he gave you and how much you contributed to their life in comparison, when they are older. As I'm sure yours will be a lot more.

It's a pity that neither of you thought to get wardrobes for the clothes.

What are you talking about we have clothes storage.

Sorry. On one of your other threads you said you had nowhere to hang up clothes.

I don't even know why he felt the need to do it. He never says no to them he spoils them constantly so it does not really make sense

So why would you post that here 🤔. I don't hang clothes anyway they go in drawers

Stay calm, say he pays maintainance but it doesn't pay for everything. I have a friend whose kids ended up very entitled saying their dad gave her 'so much money' and she should be buying them x,y,z.

In the end, she offered to give what their dad sent directly to them. They could live in the house. No rent, bills. But they had to buy all their own toiletries, clothes etc. They readily agreed. The look on their faces the next week when their mum gave them £5 each allowance rather than their usual £10. Because he fiddled his earnings so that CMS was £15 a week for 3 kids. He'd not told the kids that part.

After that they had a proper sit down and started showing mum a lot more respect.

My stuff goes in drawers. Ignore this poster. What a shite thing to say. You know what you are doing for your kids. There is always going to be someone who wants to piss on your parade.

They are to young for that. I get your point though. As they get older they will start to understand

I hate wardrobes 😅 and yes definitely. He just does the Disney dad. He has no idea about their education , sen, autism. And other stuff. I know I do my best my them

How much does he give you a month? Is he paying a decent and significant amount or is he paying just enough for them to have a can of drink and loaf of bread a day? It pisses me off when men claim to be supporting their kids but the contribution works out at £3 a day and covers fuck all.

Personally, I would say daddy gives me money towards your living costs. I put that money towards food shopping, school uniform, after-school club. I pay for everything else and do work to look after you while you are with me.

You are doing brilliantly, OP. I have read your other threads and thought you showed a lot of courage and determination in sorting your place out. It's tough.

Ignore the prat. I'd probably laugh and say to the kids, 'Did he? His contribution actually just pays for some of your food, he didn't pay for any of the bedroom stuff. I did. And we didn't notice him here, actually chipping in with the tidying or the painting, did we? It was Mum that did all that for you'.

I'm petty as fuck.

ExH tried to pull this shit. I sat DC down and said that when we (mum and dad) had them we knew that we were both equally responsible for paying for what they needed. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work like that and their dad now has to pay for other things, so the agreement we have is that dad gives SOME of his money each month to help out with some of the bills because that’s what parents should do, but I use ALL my money to pay the rest of the bills and make sure they can do their clubs, get the the football boots they need, buy the hot chocolate that they like, etc, because that’s also what parents should do.

It worked.

Cos they want to rain on your parade as well, which is even more snarky than your ex.
Both my boys have had places to hang the odd item of clothing (pegs, under the high sleeper), but neither of them have much that needs hanging. If clothes are not on the floordrobe then they are in drawers.
I keep my son's single suit in my room (hung up).

Exactly even when we were together he did nothing to help me. And no in this house I have done everything on my own.

I did once say to the kids. Daddy lives with nanny . He's never cooked you a meal in 8/9 years. He does not wash your clothes. He does not make sure your OK with school etc . I can't remember why I said it.

He's also told them that me and him split up because of teen ds. He really does say stuff to them that he should not. And what really pisses me of is I say nice things about him to the kids ffs 🙄

Then don't.

Don't slag him off, counter any of his nonsense but just stay neutral.

Oh well I don't care. I know I have done good 👍. That's why I didn't bother with a wardrobe. The 2 boys have 9 drawers between them . And I have 3 drawers. Uts easier that way to.

It's a typical divisive tactic pitting the kids against you I had it for years off my ex via my eldest son "dad said" "dad thinks" " dad wants" I pushed back in the end when it was all dad said he gives you plenty of money you don't need to work your just greedy and hate us that's why you work I pulled him up on that showed him the payment from his dad (zero) told him we would starve if I didn't work and said I no longer wanted his dad to come out of his mouth the following week "dad said..." NO! I'm not hearing that anymore he can tell me to my face he tried once I came at him with receipts school uniform he never paid for before school childcare on HIS days he never paid for the fact that the divorce (that he wanted "more than anything") that I WAS paying for he was refusing to sign (this wasn't infront of the children btw) that he needed to stop abusing his children or his children wouldn't want to see him (he flipped at that part) but ultimately he didn't change and the children don't want to know him now