Ex pissing on my parade

[Shithole101]

I'm probably being petty but it's still pissed me of a bit sort of.

So a few people may know i struggle to keep on top of things in my house. One of the the I done was sort out both My boys bedrooms. Decorate it make it look nicer etc. Anyway I felt super proud of it . The thing that's pissed me of I'd the ex (kids dad) has gone and told them that he paid for everything in their room all the stuff needed for decorating etc.

To be fair he does pay CM so I can't say 100% that none of the cm went towards it.

It just pissed me off because he is Disney dad as it is so why piss on my parade.

I mean when I had 2 evictions. Where was he. His reaction oh I will go back to my mums then ... and when I did eventually get permanent housing who bought all the furniture etc that was needed ... oops that would be him I guess ( not)

Who done /does all the actual parenting and not just the fun bites etc etc . I'm gonna stop typing im pissing myself off 🤣

So does he think on Changing Rooms it's not Laurence Llewellyn Bowen doing any of it, it's all the taxpayer for funding the show? 😂

Could always give the children a note for him. Giving him a break down of costs and just say.... as you told the children you paid for all of this please reimburse me as it was I who bought everything.

He’s a cheeky twat but try not to let him get to you.
You could say to the kids ‘daddy sends mummy money to help pay for the things you need because you are his kids too and it’s all parents’ job to pay for what their children need even if they don’t live together’.
And if you felt inclined you could pull him up for it ‘ex, could you stop telling the kids you’ve paid for everything? It’s disrespectful, you are confusing them and please remember I earn money of my own and you are only paying your share of what it costs to look after OUR kids’.

I have very different circumstances to you as a mum. But even annoyed with him I'd still probably protect him for the kids 🫤 because I dont do conflict.

If he does pay CMS I'd probably just say well actually kids it was a joint effort.... (cos technically it is) correct me if I'm wrong but without the CMS you might struggle. But I wouldn't bother reacting with him, he knows exactly what he's doing, the kids don't need to know, but one day you can tell them.

That's my take on it.

*you're right to be angry because it disses you etc but it's also only been told to anger you. Don't play.

I'm perfectly happy to explain to the kids that yeah, their dad pays maintenance which we spend on a lot of things, but that I do all the looking after of them, so it's fair enough he pays for most things (and by the way, my salary is also entirely dedicated to us, so it's not like I don't pay as well)

I think it's only right that they think this stuff through - especially as they're both boys - that raising kids takes money and effort, and if one person is giving all the effort, it's only fair that the other gives all the money.

No I would not do that . That's playing into him.

Yeah I could say something like that or I could just be very basic and just leave it at no he did not pay for it and just leave it at that. I would not bring it up with him to be honest.

I could definitely do it without him. I mean my income in not great . But I do save when I can and zone stuff I have on credit etc. So I can do it just in a different way. It's not even about who paid In away . It's more about the pissing on my parade. When he does things with tje kids I just say things like. That sounds really good. Did you go fast . I bet that was funny etc . I never feel the need to say anything nasty I want the kids to feel happy round both of us mot a competition type thing

And good on you. But honestly for my own peace of mind I'd just say it's a joint effort just to counteract it. My kids live with their dad, I'm mostly nearly alienated, long story. They say all sorts. And I defend myself to a point like if it's massively untrue I will say actually that's not true, everything else, I bat off enough to comfort them, but he doesn't get a reaction. There's nothing they can report back then either. Play it down. I'd be angry too.

I get your point . But my childish side does not want to say it's a joint effort. When he does something for them I don't say oh mummy paid for that to it was both of us. He's already the Disney dad as it is.

I hope things are better for you and your children 💐

My ex tells anyone who listens that he pays all my bills. He pays less than gov.uk say he should in maintenence, and I can assure you, he does not nearly cover all my bills. However, I kept quiet and my LO has slowly seen him for who he really is.

Honestly as your kids get older they'll understand.
My ex was similar. My son is now an adult however from about 13 he would say things like ' mum it's always you that goes to parents evening / does school activities etc' now as an adult he says he knows his dad was and still is a disney dad and that I was the one who had the boring everyday stuff to do , juggle childcare, be the person who was there when ds was ill, make sure he had all correct uniform and equipment, had to nag to do homework.

Honestly your kids will soon see.

Yeah I know. I get that still pisses me of. I won't ever let him know that though. Just MN can know 🤣

I don’t think you can say what the maintenance pay for as it all goes into one pot as it would if you were married. To say daddy pays the council tax and you pay for paint is just nonsense.

Tell the kids that you and daddy provide what they need between you. Make them aware that you both pay towards everything for them.

Honestly, they do t need to be involved in parent politics and your hurt feelings.

It's fine to say dad pays for some things. Not okay to let him claim all the credit for things he's had no part of. I'd be very surprised if a man who says this sort of shit to his kids, is paying anywhere near what it truly costs to support them or putting in the emotional effort to be a good parent!

You don't have to slag him off (not should you), but equally you shouldn't let him control the narrative to your children. Unemotional fact correction is not unreasonable imo.d

I had similar with my eldest. Her dad didn't work and paid £7 a week maintenance. She constantly asked for takeaways and whenever I said no she would say well dad pays maintenance that moneys mine not yours so I'll use that. I told her fine you want to buy your own food with your dads money heres a pound a day mate see how far it gets you

If he gives you a fair amount then I’d just tell them that you both paid together. Say that you’re both their parents who love them and you contribute together to make sure they have everything they need. That way they can see that you contribute financially too (plus everything else you do day to day) and that it’s not dad who bankrolls everything. It acknowledges his contribution and shows that you fund them too.

Did he also try and take credit for that wonderful decorating job that you did in their bedroom too did he?

Just ignore it. Sooner or later, kids work it out for themselves.

This and I’d be saying he gives £100 towards the rent of £1000 that’s £900 that mummy pays.

No he couldn't. As he was never here when I was doing it . I don't get why he couldn't just leave it . When he takes then swimming or treats them etc. I don't say oh mummy paid for that to . I sort of hype up that they have had fun.

I often feel quite insecure because I can't do as much as he does . And I feel like he's the fun parent. And I will never be as good as him. Since he felt the need to have some form of credit . Maybe he feels similar.

Yeah I'm not going to say word to him. The most I will say to the kids is sometimes mummy pays for things sometimes mummy does and leave it at that

Not surprised you're pissed off Op, he's done nothing but wants to claim the credit. It always seems to be Mum makes nice noises about dad to keep the DC happy but Dad never returns the favour. Maybe it's time to make lots of remarks about all the non money related things you do, all that time Mum spends doing things for them, let's see the bugger try and match that

But you don’t pay for that at all unless you are giving him money to raise them.

Children don’t need to be involved in this sort of dialogue in my opinion