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I don't know what to do about this friend.

48 replies

Ottobeak · 23/10/2024 20:37

I like him, we have fun together, he's good for an intelligent debate, which I love, and we share a number of interests. I also think he's a good, kind soul.

He's also almost 10 years younger and 3 inches shorter than me. I hate myself that the height matters, but it does.

Until recently we've been very much friends and usually only together as part of a group.

In the last month or two he's started inviting me to lots of things just the two of us. This makes some sense, as we're the only single ones in the group and are more often at a lose end at the weekends. Initially, it didn't occur to me that it was anything other than a mate looking for someone to go to something with (which may well be what it is).

However, it's becoming more frequent and more coupley. 3/4 times a week, theatre rather than a band iyswim, and things he would previously have suggested in a group chat, he's now directing just to me.

He's never actually made a move, but it's coming, do you think? What do I do about this situation? I genuinely like having him around, it's great to have a "companion" who wants to spend time with me, I can see he might make a good boyfriend (10 years isn't as much as it sounds once you get to our age 😆) but I can't find it in me to find him attractive.

OP posts:
CalicoPusscat · 23/10/2024 20:42

Just enjoy his company for now - like you said you're both at a loose end.

You don't have to date him! It'd change if he professes feelings.

OneLoftyFish · 23/10/2024 20:44

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coxesorangepippin · 23/10/2024 20:45

🤣 @OneLoftyFish

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

OverthinkingOlive · 23/10/2024 20:47

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🤣🤣🤣

Quitelikeit · 23/10/2024 20:48

I can’t believe his height is an issue unless he’s under 5ft

Ottobeak · 23/10/2024 20:49

Quitelikeit · 23/10/2024 20:48

I can’t believe his height is an issue unless he’s under 5ft

He's about 5'3" and I tower over him even in flats.

OP posts:
GinForBreakfast · 23/10/2024 20:51

It sounds like he's interested in a romantic relationship. If you are not it would be kinder to indicate that sooner than later.

Quitelikeit · 23/10/2024 20:53

Oh god 🤣🤣🤣

I see your point

OneLoftyFish · 23/10/2024 20:53

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Ottobeak · 23/10/2024 21:05

You're all being very unkind about him! I don't know what it says about me (us?) that I really don't like that!

OP posts:
eatyeateat · 23/10/2024 21:07

These comments on the man's height are rude and fucking inappropriate. No need.

OneLoftyFish · 23/10/2024 21:10

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Ottobeak · 23/10/2024 21:11

Every man who messages me has "intent"?

Does every man I message think the same? 😮

OP posts:
pictoosh · 23/10/2024 21:17

Oi oi oi what's with the swipes at the man's height?
He didn't choose it. He can't change it. It's not something to ridicule him over.

Eyesopenwideawake · 23/10/2024 21:18

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Do you really believe this comment is either funny or appropriate?

Mmhmmn · 23/10/2024 21:20

GinForBreakfast · 23/10/2024 20:51

It sounds like he's interested in a romantic relationship. If you are not it would be kinder to indicate that sooner than later.

Agree with this. It’s definitely coming.. even if you’re not 😂

OneLoftyFish · 23/10/2024 21:32

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Ottobeak · 23/10/2024 21:45

So, how does one go about telling someone who's a perfectly decent person, and who has never been anything but a friend towards you that they don't have a chance if they're interested in sex?

I mean it seems a bit rich to assume that a man 10 years younger would be interested 😆

OP posts:
OneLoftyFish · 23/10/2024 21:51

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FinanceTrustFund65BlueEyes · 23/10/2024 21:54

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You called?! 🤣

TenderChicken · 23/10/2024 21:57

Next time he invites you out say, "Can't! Have a date!" to indicate that your romantic pursuits are elsewhere. And cut waaaay back on the solo hang outs, or start inviting other friends so he knows you dont remotely view them as a date.

All this might put him off making the move. Might not though, at which point you have to tell him you don't fancy him/ just can't see him that way...and your friendship is now super awkward!

suki1964 · 23/10/2024 21:58

Ottobeak · 23/10/2024 21:45

So, how does one go about telling someone who's a perfectly decent person, and who has never been anything but a friend towards you that they don't have a chance if they're interested in sex?

I mean it seems a bit rich to assume that a man 10 years younger would be interested 😆

Be honest

Hes a friend, let him know you have no romantic designs on him what so ever

You have a mouth, you have words, Engage them

Ottobeak · 23/10/2024 22:01

suki1964 · 23/10/2024 21:58

Be honest

Hes a friend, let him know you have no romantic designs on him what so ever

You have a mouth, you have words, Engage them

I feels like a big assumption to think that an honest conversation is needed though. He doesn't even get tactile after a drink, for example.

OP posts:
glittercunt · 23/10/2024 22:20

I'd tell him how glad I was to have a regular friend to spend time with because sometimes being around couply people changed the vibe.

Or somethhing

Lucy25 · 23/10/2024 22:28

The friendship sounds really good, if anything changes, then let him know, you just want to continue as friends.

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