Can we talk about adult friendship break ups?

[Callysee]

I’ve had a few in my time, some I’ve initiated others I’ve been the one dumped so to speak. Currently coming to the realisation that in my 40s I’ve been dumped by a male friend I’ve had since my uni days. Partly due to the fact he has less time due to having young kids which I totally understand having been there myself but it’s also got to do with the fact he is from a wealthier background, lives in a better area and over time has preferred to be with other wealthy people. I never minded our wealth gap, we could still have a laugh but in recent years he has become increasingly intolerant and critical of poor people and wants to be able to put working class people down for not working hard enough while ignoring the fact the he went to private schools, had extra private tuition, traveled the world as a child, inherited his fathers law practice and almost a million quid.

I had for some time been enjoying his company less and less but I still remember fondly the fun loving sensitive lad he was back in the day and feel sad that we’ve barely spoke to each other in the past year or two. But also such
is life.

I was also “dumped” by a what I thought was a good friend when I was very low when my dad and brother were both seriously ill. Previously I and my father had helped her escape an abusive relationship by moving her out of her boyfriends flat in my dads van on the one night her boyfriend wasn’t home and then helped her get set up elsewhere. She told me she didn’t want to see me anymore when I cried in her presence just once as I was under so much pressure due to my family’s illnesses and my mum not being able to cope mentally, she didn’t want to be around anyone who was such a drag apparently!

Anyone else had a friendship break up as an adult.

If it wasn't for social media I think more situational friendships would naturally fade or die . Before social media when you left a workplace , university , school or college friendships would fade away as contact was usually by letter , Christmas card or telephone and this would gradually and naturally Peter out as people began moving in different circles and just moved on .Goodbye is not longer goodbye.

A couple of people have said we should communicate directly with friends and tell them what we don't like or want to change.

I disagree, the whole point of a friendship is that it is not of the same intensity and emotional commitment as a relationship. I like my friends to have fun, to be thoughtful, to be easy-going, no issues if we don't see each other for a while but always glad to reconnect.

I once did have someone tell me why they didn't like something I'd done, it was a complete misunderstanding that would have been better if they hadn't raised it and all it made me think was how I'd like to avoid being friends in the future!

I don't want to hear about my flaws from a friend, if they don't want to be friends any more, then a gentle busyness and ghosting is fine by me, although if you and they are busy you can always get back in touch in the future, I don't see the need to 'break up' because you can have lots of friends simultaneously anyway.