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Original poster

Is dh being OTT ?

30 replies

Glassboobs · 22/10/2024 07:15

Morning,

so this month has been a killer financially. Vets bills, mot etc. I get paid on Friday and next month will be fine. Ds 14 has an envelope in the cupboard with £400 in from birthday money etc. we are going to pay it on next week as we’re all off for the week.

yesterday morning before I left for work I noticed that I had zero left in my account, I took £100 from the envelope and left a note stuck to fridge saying that I had borrowed £100 and would put it back on 25th. Didn’t think any more of it.

Can home last night and dh was really shitty with me, claiming that it’s theft as I didn’t ask!! Ds couldn’t care less. Im
quite upset by his comments and I don’t see the big deal! Aibu?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 22/10/2024 07:17

He is BU. You didn’t have to ask DH’s permission as it’s not his money.

KizzyDora · 22/10/2024 07:20

Your husband is being a dickhead.

Mumdiva99 · 22/10/2024 07:23

Actually I get shitty when DH borrows kids money. (Usually because he hasn't been organised enough to get cash).
To me it's a boundary we shouldn't cross. We are the grown ups and shouldn't touch their money.
I wouldn't want any one to touch my money..

autienotnaughty · 22/10/2024 07:27

Did you ask your son before taking? I don't agree with taking someone's money without permission.

If your son had been younger and too young to understand the situation then it's something to be discussed together as parents .

It's not really yours to take.

Flowersjimmy · 22/10/2024 07:28

I think you should have asked your DS first if it was ok.

My daughter has a few hundred in her bedroom, I wouldn’t go and take any without says ‘I need to borrow xyz and Il pay it back in a few days’
She would just say ok but I think it’s right to at least ask before you take

Original poster
Glassboobs · 22/10/2024 07:31

I would normally have asked however it was 6.30am and he was asleep!

OP posts:
Owly11 · 22/10/2024 07:33

If your son was fine with it I don't see a problem. Ideally you would ask him first but if that wasn't possible then it's probably ok in an emergency. Why was your dh angry? Had he offered any other solution? I think you need to talk it out. I hope he wasn't angry with you in front of your son.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 22/10/2024 07:35

Unfortunately I'm with your DH on this up to a point. Him being an arse with you is out of order, but the reason behind it is not.

If you didn't seek your DS's permission then it is technically theft.

How do you not realise you are out of money?!

Abd why £100...what exactly did you need so desperately for that amount. I may feel differently if it had been £10 for travel to work, but £100 I'd an absurv amount to just take without asking.

mamajong · 22/10/2024 07:37

Yabu, dc money is off limit imo and always should be

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 22/10/2024 07:38

I presume your kid was ok with it because he trusts you’ll pay it back. You weren’t sneaky about it 🤷‍♀️. My kids wouldn't care either. My husband wouldn’t dream of undermining me- I hope your husband didn’t express his opinion in front of your son?

itwasnevermine · 22/10/2024 07:40

Yeah, no. You took your son's money without his consent. How do you know your son would have given his permission? You don't. That's really, really poor from you.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 22/10/2024 07:42

As an aside, whilst I think it’s a good thing for kids to have an insight into the family finances, make sure he isn’t worried. Whilst my son is a bit younger than yours, I remember saying I didn’t have enough money for something (something non essential) and he was genuinely concerned that we were suddenly poor and didn’t have enough money for food/house etc. borrowing from a kid could definitely send that message.

itwasnevermine · 22/10/2024 08:01

Glassboobs · 22/10/2024 07:31

I would normally have asked however it was 6.30am and he was asleep!

So you didn't know if he'd say yes?

You've essentially stolen from your child.

CoffeeGood · 22/10/2024 09:17

So long as you don't have a history for taking money and not putting it back, I don't see a problem. If your son isn't bothered and you will definitely put it back I don't think it's your husband's business, you're just borrowing it, not stealing it!

Owly11 · 22/10/2024 11:36

You've essentially stolen from your child.

@itwasnevermine of course it's not theft, she is going to put the money back on Friday. Theft involves an intention to permanently deprive the other person of the money. She has borrowed it, probably knowing her son would be ok with it, and with the full intention of returning it in a couple of days.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 22/10/2024 11:42

Of course asking first is better, but as you couldn’t and DS is fine with it, then there is no harm done and no reason for DH to be upset as it’s literally none of his business. It’s not like you took it and didn’t tell DS you had so he was missing it.
As you didn’t ask first I would probably pay DS back with a token bit of interest as a thanks. But otherwise no one has died here. It’s not a big deal.

itwasnevermine · 22/10/2024 11:44

Owly11 · 22/10/2024 11:36

You've essentially stolen from your child.

@itwasnevermine of course it's not theft, she is going to put the money back on Friday. Theft involves an intention to permanently deprive the other person of the money. She has borrowed it, probably knowing her son would be ok with it, and with the full intention of returning it in a couple of days.

She doesn't know whether her son would be okay with it. She's assumed.

She's also said "oh I'll put it back" but will she? Things have been tight, by her own admission.

Owly11 · 22/10/2024 11:51

@itwasnevermine
She doesn't know whether her son would be okay with it. She's assumed.

Yes she assumed correctly so no drama.

She's also said "oh I'll put it back" but will she? Things have been tight, by her own admission.
Well if she doesn't give it back and never intended to, then yes, it's theft. But I think we have to take the op at face value that she fully intends to repay.

GildedRage · 22/10/2024 11:51

Sounds like poor financial planning. “Borrowing” is a hard no from me.
Earlier in the month when the bigger bills were paid, should have prompted a tighter hold on the remaining months expenses.

itwasnevermine · 22/10/2024 11:52

Owly11 · 22/10/2024 11:51

@itwasnevermine
She doesn't know whether her son would be okay with it. She's assumed.

Yes she assumed correctly so no drama.

She's also said "oh I'll put it back" but will she? Things have been tight, by her own admission.
Well if she doesn't give it back and never intended to, then yes, it's theft. But I think we have to take the op at face value that she fully intends to repay.

No drama?

If my mum had taken £100 of my birthday money I'd be raising hell. At 14 he is not responsible for household finances.

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 22/10/2024 12:03

You were in the wrong.

Would it be ok for one of your kids to go into your purse and take money and then tell you they’d pay you back?

I think calling it theft is OTT purely because it’s emotive talk. But the reality is that it’s his money and it wasn’t yours to take, and you certainly shouldn’t feel you have the right to just take his money and give it to him as a done deal, any more than you wouldn’t want him to do the same.

He’s not responsible for your family finances.

Boobygravy · 22/10/2024 12:07

Tbf £20 would have been enough until you could ask your ds.
However your dh is being ott.

Anoisagusaris · 22/10/2024 12:12

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 22/10/2024 12:03

You were in the wrong.

Would it be ok for one of your kids to go into your purse and take money and then tell you they’d pay you back?

I think calling it theft is OTT purely because it’s emotive talk. But the reality is that it’s his money and it wasn’t yours to take, and you certainly shouldn’t feel you have the right to just take his money and give it to him as a done deal, any more than you wouldn’t want him to do the same.

He’s not responsible for your family finances.

I’d have no problem with one of my DC taking money they needed from my purse if I wasn’t there and then paying it back. We are a family and trust each other.

Joycedelight · 22/10/2024 12:16

Why £100? I'd be more understanding if it was £10 or similar to get bread and milk etc.

pikkumyy77 · 22/10/2024 12:29

The lesson learned here is that the children need bank accounts so 400 pounds isn’t left lying about.

OP don’t let anyone badger you over this. Your dh was out of line accusing you of theft. That is a very cruel thing to say. Does he not work? Does he not recognize the Vet bill and the MOT as family bills? Does he have a full bank account while yours was empty?