How would you feel if your colleagues didn’t say anything after a bereavement?

[SomethingFun]

I work in a team of about ten people and I lost a parent a couple of weeks ago. I came back to work and only one person reached out to me to see how I was. One other person asked me how I was after I initiated a conversation with them. My manager has not asked me how I am. No one even said hello in our regular morning meeting and I’ve been off a couple of weeks. This is all remote btw. Is this normal? I am feeling incredibly unsupported and upset. I am generally well liked at work and have worked in the team for a couple of years.

When DH died the colleague I had considered a real friend never acknowledged it. Not once. TBH I just dropped her after that. Random work people were so lovely to me - really kind - but then some people were just absolutely blatant about their uninterest. It was... clarifying.

...And I'm sorry to hear of your bereavement! My condolences 💐

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. When I lost my dad in 2018, I had a very similar experience. (Apart from the one person who said ‘how was your holiday?’!!!)

I’m from a different country, where the culture around death is entirely different to the UK, and I found it all shocking and upsetting. It’s interesting - and very sad - to see on this thread that it’s so widespread.

I lost my mum to cancer. On my return to work most were 'sorry for your loss'. One person said sorry about your mum, I know how you feel I lost a cat once.

Nobody said anything to me when I lost a parent. I work in a senior role and have been with the same employer for quite a while.

To be honest that suited me. My work and personal lives are separate entities.

My DH is similar. When our DS was born I’m pretty sure most people he worked with didn’t know why he’d been off!

Sometimes people don't know why you're off. So they just ignore that you've been off when you come back, as it's rude to ask. Other times, they don't want to risk you bursting into tears if they say anything, and embarrassing you.

I remember a girl at school who's brother died. When she came back I said I hoped she was ok and she snapped back "why wouldn't I be?" so I have been careful about this stuff ever since.

@GreatNorthBun that is the perfect phrase - the blatant uninterest. I told my manager he could tell the team why I was off and he said he did tell them, they also knew my parent was unexpectedly unwell as I had to leave suddenly to go to the hospital. It’s like you can witness all this going on and just be like ‘well I’m not even going to say hello to Something when she returns, I will ignore her and I will only acknowledge her if I need her to help me’. I guess it is illuminating.

Unfortunately, many people don't know how to broach the subject, so they avoid it altogether. Similar happened to me after my Mum died and all you can do is treat it as a life lesson and decide that you'll behave differently in those circumstances.

I am actually shocked by this and how common it seems to be. I am in Ireland and such behaviour en masse would be pretty much unthinkable. You might have 1 or 2 out of 20 let's say who'd be cold or awkward and wouldn't acknowledge it, but most people would be kind, offer condolences, ask after you and in some cases if you were close or had worked together a long time, go to the funeral. When my ex husbands father died, at least 6 of his colleagues travelled 3 hours to the wake or funeral. OP I am so sorry for your loss and how much harder it has been made by how unfeeling these people are, it's truly dreadful.