Runner 'helping' me during a run.

[Thorilicious]

I completed a half marathon this weekend. Fully admit I was slow, but don't think I looked like I was struggling, just gently plodding along, one of the last, but still within the time limits of the event.
At mile 7, a lady appeared at my side. I thought she was a volunteer at first, but it turned out she was a runner, and she wanted to check in on me. I thanked her, explained I was ok, and she continued on. Half a mile later, she came back and offered me some food. I declined, and explained that I knew I was slow, but I just needed to keep my head down and keep going. Over the next couple of miles, she kept coming back to offer encouragement and said she was going to get me through, despite me saying every time I didn't need help, and I just needed to be left alone. At around mile 9 she appeared again, and this time I said quite firmly that I really just needed to be left alone. She left me alone after that, although I kept expecting to see her around each corner!
Crossed the finish line, and I heard someone say 'I told you I'd get you through!'. It was this lady again! I guess I should be impressed that she had the strength to keep coming back and forth, but it had me on edge for the 2nd half of the run that she was going to turn up, which really affected me. I made it quite clear I didn't want her to run with me, but she ignored me! She's also in most of the photos of me crossing the finish line 😂
I think she wanted to be able to say she really helped someone, but surely it's not helping if the person has asked you to leave them alone?

And the interfering runner rocks up on the thread!

Do you have her race number? Is it in any of the photos of you crossing the finish line?

If you do, I'd consider writing to the organisers saying that while it was nice the first time and perhaps the second time, but after that having said that you were fine, you just wanted to be left to run your own race, she kept checking on you and offering her assistance which you didn't need or want. It should go out in any sign up documentation that when a fellow race runner says that they don't want any help, to leave them the hell alone!

That's just me though.

Thank you again for the congratulations. I don't have her race number, so I'm hoping me ignoring her on the finish line for my point across, but doubtful 😂

What a twat

well done to you

She had obviously finished and was going backwards and forwards to “help”. Gloating. I assumed this was obvious

Toxic altruism. The same impulse that makes people steal owned cats, take healthy fledglings from their parents and tell everyone they are rescuers (I work in an animal shelter). We really need a toxic altruism support line that directs people to genuinely helpful things.

Or as others said, she was trying to get an excuse for her time, but crappy that she had to torment you to do it. Sympathy, op.

I totally get your frustration, annoyance and general bemusement about this lady. I would be exactly the same as you - I just like to be left on my own to go at my own pace. Probably because I’m confident enough to know when to ask for support, and fine with asking for it.

that said, I know 2 ladies like this. One is an attention seeker who loves to make things about her and relishes attention as the ”saviour”. She will copy stuff she’s seen in social media like this thinking it’s ok.
(don’t get me started on the social media trend for randomly giving people flowers and filming it)
anyway the other lady is my auntie who is genuinely the best human being ever, but she doesn’t listen (I think she has ADHD). She would never do something like this for attention or personal gain. She’s had a shitty life with an abusive husband who treated her terribly for years and years and she still nursed him through years of sickness. She feels better about herself when she’s helping people, but she’s so obsessed and focused with helping people that she doesn’t listen to what they need. She bulldozes through the “helping”, not listening because she’s hyper/focused, and she does what she thinks they need. Her intention is positive. Her execution of her intention is chaotic and overwhelming and too much! So much so that it has the opposite effect.

this lady might be a bit of both. You weren’t rude to her - just firm - which says a lot about your character and patience!

I'd have told her to fuck off when she reappeared the first time.

You must be a fucking saint.

Absolutely infuriating! She clearly has no boundaries whatsoever! What is wrong with people.

I would have been tempted to tell her how her interference was not helpful. You sound nicer than me.

Should have tripped her up

She sounds really funny

This woman stole your fucking racing thunder!!!!

Next time be clearer and bark at people to go away

She sounds very annoying. I would have lost it by the third time and told her very firmly with a few choice words, to get lost.

Well done on finishing the race!

I’ve had this before, a woman running alongside me giving me patronising ‘encouragement’ then when I got over the finish line congratulating me for not stopping and walking, I was so tempted to tell her I’ve been a runner since my teens and I’ve never stopped and walked on any run. But instead I just smiled and walked away.

This is exactly the reason why I run solitary. I don't join park runs. I don't enter races. Doo gooders! They are insufferable!

This! Harassment is unwanted help!!!

This! Harassment is unwanted help!

I don’t understand this woman at all. If she kept running near you then she was a slow runner too. Why did she think you were struggling when she wasn’t?

I am a slow Jeffer (2:45 half marathon) and I really get quite cross when people tell me to run or insinuate I am struggling when I am in fact perfectly executing my race day strategy! I didn’t get too much of it in my half but have done a 10k where loads of people kept shouting “not far to go now, you can do it!” as if I wasn’t bloody well doing it.

I think she's probably finished already @caitlinsjoy, and then was zipping backwards and forwards 'helping' people.

I guess I should be impressed with her energy levels 😂

Sorry for anyone else who has had someone helping not helping them during a run.
I wish I'd been firmer with her sooner, but was just concentrating on getting one foot in front of the other, I didn't really have much mental space to give to her.

That would annoy me too, in my races I don't mind encouragement from the crowd/runners side by side but don't come back to encourage me, it would just make me feel like you were gloating!

Unless there was something about you to signal a vulnerability like wheezing or instability or -no disrespect- elderly age, I think although she says she's trying to help she's being rather deaf and dumb. If she's still bothering you after the second or third time, you need to be very clear IE blunt, not necessarily polite, if you want to ensure she doesn't keep returning, not getting the message and ruining your race. This is my perspective, it's a balance between my wish to be polite Vs crossing a personal boundary. If you get the feeling someone is not going to listen to or believe anything you say, then whats left but to threaten them with some negative outcome. "Leave me alone" is as clear as you can get. After that, "if you keep harassing me I'm going to report you/attack you". (Legally you can attack someone for harassment if the force is reasonable).