My colleague keeps touching me and I don’t want it

[colleaguebeingtoohandsy]

I don’t want to offend or cause an issue, but I don’t feel comfortable with it. I work in care, it’s a very ‘cliquey’ place.

Older male colleague, very hands on and whispers at me when talking, or full on arms around me. He could just be trying to be friendly, he’s always smiling and laughing, but I don’t like being touched and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to make a fuss in case I’m seen as an ‘issue’, because I see a few other colleagues hug him back (female) and so maybe it’s just OK?

I feel daft worrying about this, I’m senior staff for goodness sake.

He's a sex pest hiding in plain sight

This! It's disgraceful that he feels he can do this with impunity.

Get management involved. He sounds creepy.

Never understand ppl who declare 'Im a hugger/touchy feely', do they stop and think how they make ppl feel?
Nobody should be touched or hugged unless they welcome it.
He is a creep, tell him firmly NO, keep your hands to yourself.

Sounds like my workplace, we have a hugger. Report to HR and/or tell him clearly that you'd rather not be touched. If those things make you uncomfortable, tell someone you trust to go with you. If this doesn't work, as another poster said, take it further, If your work has CCTV, make a note of times/places/dates in case it's needed.

As PPs have said, nonconsensual touching in the workplace is not ok. Some workplaces would take that very seriously.

Definitely tell him firmly and seriously that you do not want to be touched or hugged. No “sorry but I don’t want”, no laughing, no emotion. You’re giving him an instruction. If he whinges, just repeat it, you don’t have to explain yourself. I bet some of the others don’t like it either.

Back it up with non-verbal communication if he then tries it again. Body language is powerful. Hand up in a stop signal and firmly say NO. Don’t step back. That lets him chase you. If after all that he forces his hugs on you, complain.

The whispering would do my head in too. All of it is behaviour only appropriate to someone you’re intimate with or at least very friendly. It isn’t at all appropriate in the workplace. He’s showing you can dominate you.

I would be clear but very polite "sorry but I don't like to be touched thanks". Don't say you're not a hugger or he may still think it's OK to touch you as long as it's not a hug.

We shouldn't be worried about not offending people who touch us when we don't want them to.

This is my daily reminder on MN: YOU would not be the awkward one by objecting to something you don't like. THEY are awkward for doing the thing in the first place.

Stand up for yourself. He has no entitlement to hug; you have every entitlement to not be hugged by someone you don't want to by hugged by. There is nothing wrong with saying "actually Fred, I'm not a hugger, I'd rather not thanks". Say it with a smile if it makes you feel better.

Seriously what the hell is wrong with you op?

Hard stare, push his hand away

If necessary say in a withering tone 'what are you doing?'

Id try " No thanks" , if that doesn't work escalate to one of the superb suggestions above.
I used to work with a hugger - he also liked to ping bra straps 🙄. He thought it was ok because he was gay .

I worked in a place and they brought in horrible crazy new assistant manager, man in his 50s, unpleasant, stinking of cigarettes, coming too close, calling all ladies baby girl. Nutter, illogical. I just left. That was a walking joke trying to be a manager - no, thank you

Does he do this with everyone?

Urgh, my boss in a supermarket is a hugger. I think it's totally unnecessary in the workplace so when I've seen him go for others and I'm next in line I just declare 'i don't want a hug' and walk off 🤣

He seems to have got the hint after that and doesn't try. One young girl even cried once and another manager had to tell him. He fist bumps instead which I can just about tolerate but still find it stupid.

You should not have to put up with this to be polite. It took until my thirties to stop feeling guilty about this sort of thing. When I was probably 23 ISH a much older colleague and, what I considered at the time, friend, gave me a massive smack on the arse and I immediately told him never to do that again and I was wracked with guilt over it!