Full time working parents…. Is it that rare?

[Workingtoohardmummy]

I live in the midlands and just came back from my first parents consultation for my daughter who started reception, and I’m absolutely floored to find out that out of the 22 kids in the class, only three attend the after school club full time!! Which means that the majority of the kids have at least one parent who works part time/ doesn’t work. I’m absolutely shocked when the teacher told me because I didn’t think having two parents work full time is that rare, especially in this economy.

So I just want to find out… is it really that rare to have two full time working parents? I’m feeling awful about being one of the very few full time working mums in my village, as my daughter is missing the opportunity for play dates and park dates after school.

I would say it is using ASC full time that is rare. There are A LOT of grandparents doing school runs round here, and anyone who used a childminder will have stuck with them.

Also post COVID people think they can work with a 5yo running about 🙄

Most of the dc at our ASC do 2-3 days so your dd will have the opportunity to make plenty of friends, she won't be bored! And she can still do play dates, if someone invites her round for tea, it doesn't make any difference to you if she is at someone's house or at ASC.

@Tarantella6 long before covid I worked flexibly and when mine were infant school age I did the extra hours once they were in bed. Judging by the emails I get in the evening even now, I imagine many others are doing the same.

My husband and I work full time (me tends to be about 50 hours a week) but as they are 12.5 hour shifts for both of us and I do a mix of day and night shifts too. When I get my rota so far in advance, my husband fits his shifts around it as his shifts are flexible. We have very VERY rarely needed to use after school/breakfast club. Few times a year at most!

We both work full time but only use ASC once a week as the kids aren't that keen on it. Rest of the time is a mix of flexi hours/wfh/grandparents.
I've gotten very adept at fitting all my crucial work and meetings in to 9-3 and after school time I catch up on emails / easier tasks. I also work in the evening to make up if necessary.

What a weird thing to discuss at parents consultation. I have no idea how many children's from DS's class go to ASC at all, never mind how many days each.

It definitely doesn't mean the parents don't work though. DH and I work shifts, DC are in childcare 3 days ASC and 2.5 days nursery respectively. We both work longer than standard FT hours.

Alternative childcare arrangements I've seen at DS's school: a mum nipping out to pick up her child and taking them back to her office, plenty of grandparents doing the school run, people working from home - visibly on work calls/teams meetings at pick up or making up their hours in the evenings, a couple of families picking up their children on rotation, as in exchanging childcare, one parent doing off the books childminding, collecting a few children from her DC's class a few times a week... The options and variations in everyone's circumstances are endless

We just don't need wraparound care due to working hours/flexibility. On the odd day that both of us need to work after school pick-up, DD1(5) just watches TV for half an hour or something or amuses herself. Quite a few of the parents we know have flexible setups where they do pick-up and then finish off work later etc.

Both myself and my partner work full time but DH works shift work and either drops the children off every day normal time or picks them up. The children are never in breakfast club and after school club both in a day. We don't have to use wraparound care. Does not mean we are not full time working parents.

I remember seeing most of the parents at consultations, assemblies etc and DH and I both used to go to them all. I know some of them worked FT but juggled their day or took leave so they could come.

We're both full time and DD only attends 3 times a week, we just pop out and pick her up twice a week and she comes back to watch TV, read books, draw etc or goes on play dates.

I seem to live in an area where a lot of parents don’t work full time - my mum friends find it bizarre that I work 5 days a week (none of them do). There are a lot of SAHM or mums who work part time. I do see a childminder at pick up regularly though and the after school club is fairly popular.

We get away without the ASC because DH starts work early and finishes early, while my hours are shifted slightly later. Working from home helps now too as I’m not trying to commute around the school run.

@Workingtoohardmummy approx 20 years ago I was you. Felt hugely guilty about using the after school club full time. We both worked FT and - as a previous poster has mentioned - it wasn’t like now when some people seem to think wfh with a 5 year old in tow is acceptable.

Anyway, fast forward to today and my 26 year old DD is a well adjusted independent young woman. She is confident socially, makes new friends easily and actually says that she appreciates me as a role model. She also sees her colleagues juggling childcare and says she doesn’t know how did it.

Try not to feel guilty - it’ll be fine!

This.

As I mentioned upthread, my children are now grown up. Although we didn't use ASC so much, they were in nursery almost full time (which apparently, so parenting forums regularly informed me, would turn them into children/adults who would be aggressive, institutionalised bullies, who wouldn't wait to get away from their parents who so obviously didn't love them enough to give up the roof over their heads their two cars and foreign holidays.

I can confirm that all that was a load of bollocks, and despite the mum guilt, I have two absolutely delightful, happy young adults now both following their dreams at university and with whom I have very close relationships.

Whether or not FT wraparound care is suitable for your family depends largely on your child. My eldest doesn’t cope with the long hours in school. For reception he did 3 days of before and afterschool club and he was miserable. He definitely suffers with “restraint collaspe” and I think holding it together all day was too much for him. I’ve re jigged my working hours so he now only does 2.5 hours a week of ASC.

Whereas I think my younger child would be absolutely fine.

I do think there’s an air of superiority on this thread. Some families need two FT working parents, some don’t. There’s also FT and FT, one persons view of FT (working 37.5 hours a week) will vary enormously to another, like my DH working 50-60.

We were 2 f/t then 1 f/t & 1 p/t then 1 f/t & 1 sahm and then 2 f/t parents due to changing life circumstances.

I think our working pattern is very common in our circle of friends and family.

Life circumstances change so people adapt their working patterns to suit and covid has made flexi working easier & acceptable.

DD and DSiL work full time but DGS doesn't go to after school club daily. His parents both work in care on a 7 days a week pattern, so usually one parent will be off at least one day in a school week, if they're both working Fridays then I go and pick up DGS and bring him home for a sleepover.

This. I am partly office based and all my full time office based colleagues with children under 16 have their kids there after school.
It’s really annoying tbh as you can’t get hold of them between 2.45 and 3.45 their kids are running around after that and they are distracted.
One of them mentioned to me that his wife was working most of half term and it was going to be difficult to work with the kids there..🙄 I worked full time for a lot of the time when my kids were young but had a rigorous system in place involving grandma, childcare swaps, asc and holiday clubs…
This has a knock on effect too because a lot of holiday clubs seem to have stopped due to parents not wanting to pay for them as they can apparently do childcare and work at the same time.

Our after school club has around 7/8 kids out of 600!

There's also a private nursery that does wrap around school care.

At least ten childminders

Plus some people will juggle work or use grandparents

Annoys me too.

people:

work shifts - so 1 works days and 1 works nights so can collect the children from school
Grandparents do childcare
flexible working so might work 7-3 so can pick up
some probably WFH, pop out to collect the kids and then carry on working when they get home
have younger kids so a childminder picks them up

Lots of options.

Misread - soz 😅

We both worked full time but I worked nights so didn’t need childcare

I haven't read the whole thread, sorry.

OP I can feel your sadness in your post. You are worried about your child missing out.
Why don't you see if there is a childminder who does pickup from the school?

I was a childminder for many years.
Several of the children I looked after developed friendships that have lasted through the teenage years.

If that's not possible don't worry, your little one will be fine.

Of course it's not rare, but many people have grandparents/relatives to help or work around each other so they don't need to use the clubs full time. Also a lot of people WFH/flexibly and have the kids there.

When my DS was at school the breakfast and after school clubs were oversubscribed, there was a waiting list.